HCwDB
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Friday, August 13, 2010
Naomi’s First Date With A Subtlebagger
Collar buttoned up, James just looks like another preening Wall Street asspud. But when the night cuts loose, the douchebag within releases.
Naomi’s first date just took a dark turn towards forced groping in the parking lot followed by fourteen text messages the next morning about how she has “daddy issues.”
Get out now, Naomi!! There’s still time to ditch James, text your BFF Lisa and see if that gallery opening is still going on.
Thursday, August 12, 2010This Week in Basebaggery: Update
Yesterday we watched the story of Texas Hot Chick Sara who got beaned and her douchey boyfriend, Bo, who smirked it up afterward.
Today they appeared on The Early Show to reveal:
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Appearing on CBS’ “The Early Show” on Thursday morning, the running Romeo and jilted Juliet hemmed and hawed when asked by anchor Harry Smith if they were still an item.
“Well, I mean it’s not over because of the ball,” she said before trailing off.
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Lets hope it’s over because of that chin fung. Video here.
Thursday, August 12, 2010The Calibag
Los Angeles is a diamond pimple on the ass of a blinged out California, a metaphor that works on so many levels I just sharted a euphemism for San Diego.
Paid-to-Pose Pamela is lickable sweatable most expensive first date hottness. I would buy her an Audi. She would smile wanly. Then ignore me to use her Blackberry to schedule a mani-pedi.
Thursday, August 12, 2010The Garden of Earthly Douche Blights
Today’s been way too heavy on hottie delights and not remotely troubling enough in revealing our societal douche plague.
So meet Stan and Luis and their three Bleethy ladies, Laurie, Carly and Mo.
Count the douchetributes that make this swill a lesson in cultural neglect.
Rosary beads, douche faces, hand gestures, Ed Hardy bikinis and stupid white belt.
It’s Dickensian in its tragedy, with a dash of comedic groin punch. But Aqua Boobies offer a ray of hope and a path for the righteous to fondle.
Thursday, August 12, 2010A Quorum Has Been Called: Tina’s Nomination for “Hall of Hott”
Enough readers have emailed that a quorum must be called.
On our agenda: The nomination of Tina for our hallowed Hall of Hott. Only five or six hot pockets make it a year, so weigh this decision appropriately.
Tina appeared last week posing with Randy Schlongson, demonstrating a perfection of leg curve and delightful hothouse hot flower angelic face of ice cream suckle gnaw.
So we have been tasked with an important decision.
Does Tina’s electrifying appearance warrant an accelerated pass to our hallowed Hall of Hott?
Weigh in with your thoughts in the comments thread.
Thursday, August 12, 2010Where’s Waldo?: Coed Spring Break Edition
Somewhere in this lineup of choice and premium coed uberhotts, I’ve carefully hidden Waldo. With no evidence he’s a “Waldouche,” we’re gonna just call him Waldo.
Look closely.
Can you find him?
Mmmm… Pink bikini Paula powers Priuses with her perky pillow plumage. I approve of her college years.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010A Boy Named Poo
Otherwise known as “The Mandana in Black.” Is this pud playing “douche dressup?” Or is he real shoescrape?
Who cares. There’s Brunette Sophie.
Mmm… Sophie. Your eyes betray a grad school Lit major with a passion for vegan cuisine, Foucault, and light spankings by candle light. You know nothing about Marshall McLuhan but I’d take you to see “The Sorrow and the Pity” anyways.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010This Week in Basebaggery
Houston, we have a douchebag.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010Coors Blight
When garish fake boobs are in an Ed Hardy bikini and Groin Shave Reveal haunts the lower part of the image like toxic eye cancer, it’s time for some real world Quattro Pear to bring us back to what is right and just and benevolent.
Quattro Pear is not pearbrushed nor photopeared. It is real world gnaw.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010Mandana Morrie is Sad
Not even able to win the HCwDB of the Week, despite bringing a phenomenal boobie hottie to the game, Mandana Morrie sadly consoles himself.
By bothering some local bar wenches. While wearing arm mesh.
