HCwDB
-
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
KFC's New "Scrotal Melt Sandwich"
Loaded with grease, fried chicken and limited job prospects, the new KFC Scrotal Melt Sandwich sure is generating a lot of buzz.
Five slices of fried Vegas choad surrounding a tasty filling of munchable state school boobie burger, the SMS clocks in at 4,300 calories, a two year technical school degree, four cases of hating fathers, and a prescription for Nasonex.
That’s a spicy meatball.
And by meatball, I mean Karen shouldn’t have let them use her credit card for incidentals. U.C. Santa Cruz is a long drive home without gas money.
Monday, April 19, 2010The Crowdbag
Eagle-eyed ‘bag tagger Ben sends us this screencap pic he recently caught while watching a Kings/Vancouver hockey game.
Doughy middled aged white boys who think they’re “gangsta” at hockey games while out with their fading beauty soccer mom wife pretty much encapsulate the HCwDB phenomenon. Nice tag, Ben. And bonus points for the digital capture.
Like aging gouda, they sag.
Monday, April 19, 2010Random Tattbag Monday
And in a related story, a three year old scribbled patterns on a wall in Pacoima.
Cheryl’s rethinking her decision to drop out of U. Mass Amherst.
Monday, April 19, 2010Hipsterbag Harold and Corrie
Hipsterbag Harold drives an ironic yellow VW Bug he named “Herbie.” He uses the built in flower holder to hold his cigarettes, which are always American Spirit.
Once, while crashing on a couch in San Francisco’s Mission District where he was attempting to get gigs with his hip-hop kletzmer band “The Gosselin Eight,” Hipsterbag Harold was hired to write an article for Details on the return of cotton. He did so. But told all his friends he made it all up just to stick it to the Man.
Corrie just got hired as the director of market research for a children’s clothing line. She loves her job, but all her friends say she works to much. So she forced herself to go out to more social events. She met Hipsterbag Harold at a screening of the mumblecore classic, “Lets All Sit Around and Talk About Sex At a Dinner Party.” It was 83 minutes long, but she was still bored.
After the film, Corrie spent four hours listening to Hipsterbag Harold’s theories on why Pacoima is the new Williamsburg. And then got awkwardly fumbled at 2am until she pushed Hipsterbag Harold off of her, went home and finished reading Infinite Jest. Which she thought was overrated.
Monday, April 19, 2010Bunny Spandex Guy Voted
Bunny Spandex Guy wanted to come by and show off too much groin information to Ellen before they both voted in the HCwDB of the Month.
Have you voted yet?
Monday, April 19, 2010HCwDB of the Month
Our first Monthly in the new redesign. Bring it. Lets do this. Four couples of hott/crudst. Only one may make the Yearly.
If you haven’t registered on the site yet, log in here. And read Steve L.’s instructions on how to set up your avatar image here.
Here’s your Monthly finalists:
HCwDB of the Month Finalist #1: Jed the Creepy Wankscrote and Penny
We may not always enjoy the HCwDB couples we must witness.
This is one of those times.
Jed is pure creepy. And wank. And scrote.
Penny is barely legal, sweet and innocent.
Jed is the reason poets kill themselves.
Together, we find the toxicity of a Weekly HCwDB combination. The hint of a backstory that involves child brides in Bangledesh, robot wars in northern Sumeria, and a tatted up bounty hunter who definitely cannot make the Kessel Run in less than twelve parsnips.
Yup.
It’s Monday morning. Your humble narrator is babbling like Hollywood babble on.
HCwDB of the Month Finalist #2: Joey Lipps and Tina
Classic Jerzwhack in presence of boobie suckle thigh are Joey L and Tina from Kappa Kappa Woo.
We celebrate this pic for its lips douchery.
It’s boobie curvery.
And it’s pink balloonery.
And lets not forget Nipple Rubbing Party Guy in the background. That touch of surreal WTF always elevates an HCwDB pic.
But does Joey and Tiny bring enough taint to win the Monthly? Is Joey yearly douche? Does Tina’s potential douchebaguettery detract from true toxicity?
The voters will need to parse the distinctions and flush the crapturdtions.
HCwDB of the Month Finalist #3: Meaty McMeaterson, aka Antonio and Vanessa
This was the Weekly in which there wasn’t a vote because your humble narrator was snagged in technical snafoolery.
That being said, Meaty McMeaterson, aka Antonio, and Vanessa, are worthy classic Jerz Pudwankery and curvy boob grabbery. They represent all that this site was formed to mock, and well earn their place here in the Monthly.
Vanessa is curvy gum snapping Long Island Iced Tea yes please. She’s wrong, but it’s okay. Because taut, taut thighs, and a societal double standard.
Boardwalks are to poo mugging as potato chips are to guys named Brian.
Inseparable.
And if you think the DB1 is making no sense in the text portion of this Monthly, you’d be right. I blame a late night involving a rowboat, my sax, and Bach.
HCwDB of the Month Finalist #4: Freddie Von Gimp and Brenda
Our fourth coupling is a nice counterpoint to our Freakbag and Jerz Poo finalists. Here we find classic skeezy hipster crud macking on a delightful “I’d graze on her clavicle” gnaw boobie.
The dress-up douche is a newer and troubling element of choadal strategy. It aligns itself closer, but not exactly, with Hipsterbags, as the counterpoint to classic Jerz fistpumping wankfoolery.
I may have already mentioned my extensive infant-like gnawing and suckling on Brenda’s clavicle area.
If so, I apologize. I’ll only be another minute of gnaw.
Then I will retire to the boudoir where I will repose with a glass of sherry and a book on Tantric yogurt.
Yup. Definitely making no sense. That’s why I need your help.
Which coupling deserves its place in the Monthly, joining Stackhouse and Grillzilla in the Yearly?
Don’t just sit there. Vote something.
Vote, as always, in the comments thread.
Sunday, April 18, 2010Douchebags Frolic in the Parking Lot #562
In the far off land of New Jersey, when the retirees are asleep and the construction sites have closed for the evening… the Jerzbags come out to frolic.
EDIT: Extra points for finding the DJ Bello cameo.
Saturday, April 17, 2010The Double Cross
In case Soft and Gnaw Worthy Alicia didn’t notice his phat Jesus Bling, Dan the M.C. and Part Time Night Mechanic at Al’s Garage on Jefferson figured the tatt would reinforce how much he loves his Jesus and Mary chain.
Saturday, April 17, 2010Your Saturday Douchegoggles
Like hipsterbags, Groin Shave Reveal, orange tans and the use of the expression, “I know, right?,” douchegoggles is another of the more troubling trends to emerge from scrotological development in 2010.
Friday, April 16, 2010Joey Invents Twitter Glasses
Sunglasses that scroll your latest Twitter post on them? Genius!
So the robot turns into a bug!
Yeah, I got nothin’.
It’s Friday.
But Kendra’s lithe and supple firmaments do make me want to lead hiking expeditions in search of dubloons in the Scottish highlands to finance a winery, to learn Latin and Sanskrit so that I can train myself in the recitation of the verses of ancient poetry,and then spank her supple thighs with a leather prong while reciting the lyrics to Prince’s “Darling Nikki.”
