HCwDB
-
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
A Nomination for the Hall of Pear: "Hourglass Pear"
FDD calls for a quorum to consider Hourglass Pear for the “Hall of Pear”:
—-
DB1,
I think you need to immediately grab last week’s Mirror Pear (?) and give her an automatic nomination to the Ass Pear Gallery. She was the one in sheer grey, with peeks of ass and boobie?
FDD
—-
This was actually in reference to early April’s Hourglass Pear, but the nomination has been made, and according to the bylaws of HCwDB, the Quorum must rule on said nomination.
What say you?
“Yea” or “Nay” on Halling this Pear?
Wednesday, April 14, 2010A Nomination for the Hall of Pear: “Hourglass Pear”
FDD calls for a quorum to consider Hourglass Pear for the “Hall of Pear”:
—-
DB1,
I think you need to immediately grab last week’s Mirror Pear (?) and give her an automatic nomination to the Ass Pear Gallery. She was the one in sheer grey, with peeks of ass and boobie?
FDD
—-
This was actually in reference to early April’s Hourglass Pear, but the nomination has been made, and according to the bylaws of HCwDB, the Quorum must rule on said nomination.
What say you?
“Yea” or “Nay” on Halling this Pear?
Jed the Creepy Wankscrote and Penny Thank You for your Vote
To celebrate their win in the HCwDB of the Week, Jed the Creepy Wankscrote and Penny went for a swim.
Emerging from the water, they’re confirmed that the water is relatively warm today, that the current is light, and that there is no God. I will now go light a hamster on fire.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010Hannah’s Kneecaps
Sparky here isn’t much of a douche. The silly hat tilt qualifies him for stage-1, but that’s about it.
Then why post the pic?
Because I would construct a shrine to Hannah’s kneecaps out of bamboo driftwood, twine, spittle and a mixture of clay and bark beetle, just for the chance to anger the Gods who laugh at human folly.
She has the haunting eyes of brunette boobie dreamland. And for that, I acknowledge my puberty as both a blessing and a curse.
Hannah's Kneecaps
Sparky here isn’t much of a douche. The silly hat tilt qualifies him for stage-1, but that’s about it.
Then why post the pic?
Because I would construct a shrine to Hannah’s kneecaps out of bamboo driftwood, twine, spittle and a mixture of clay and bark beetle, just for the chance to anger the Gods who laugh at human folly.
She has the haunting eyes of brunette boobie dreamland. And for that, I acknowledge my puberty as both a blessing and a curse.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010HCwDB of the Week: Jed The Creepy Wankscrote and Penny
Jed the Creepy Wankscrote and ambiguously 18 Penny, with the belly piercing confirming her qualifications as of age (pointed out by reader Tits McGee) just brought too much uber-poo pollution to be denied the Weekly. It was a Gollum landslide.
The voters speak:
Bromancer: Definitely Jed the Creepy Wankscrote. He makes me want to invent time travel just to go back and stop him from ever being born. While Puncy is indeed punch worthy, only Jed inspires me to break the laws of physics in order to save tasty tasty coeds from foul Gollum-like caresses. Because you know he wants to put his Precious into her One Ring.
doucheblaster: Jed is the most disgusted shocking thing you have to force yourself to look at…i vote for the “tattoed thing and the hot chick with braces”
Doucheasorus Maximus: Jed & Penny FTW!! Only because it makes you scream WTF!!!!!
Wheezer: It’s gotta be Jed the Creepy Batboy. I think you could remove the underage(?) chick and he’d still pull this one out. Never mind the stupid tatt pattern – Jed has Ol’ Chap pointing, laughing, and saying, “Dude, WTF?”
Chad Kroeger: Jed and the braces girl. Nothing says Jed like lithiun and rohipnol. Jed also has a very large head for a very small girl with unspeakable body decorations. When I was a fine young cannibal my only decoration was a Rob Roy and cocaine in its sweet powdery form.
Baleen: Where’s my flamethrower?
melvil duchi: Jed and Penny get my vote. Jed is too far gone. never coming back. Penny can still be saved. Run Penny Run
boatbutter: If Jed doesn’t win, I will renounce all that is important to me.
Dark Sock: There was a nightmare pale Gilligan
Out to cop an underage feel again
Nine short months later
He can only hate her
Cuz she forgot The Pill again.
dbBen: Jed, because he made some poor tattoo artist go “down-there” to ink Mumra and roses. …and because I can’t unsee him.
The_Postdouchster_General: Oh dear god it has to be Jed the Creepy Wankscrote. I mean the candidates are all quite good, but I physically shuddered at the sight of this combination of a young fawn and this strange douchey creature! Which I could only previously describe as a ‘Golem-from-the-Lord-of-the-Rings’ look-alike.
Tony Ventresca: Easy choice this week, at least for me. Jed is simply so creepy that he has to be my choice. He could (and probably needs to) suck the blood from any douchebag ever posted on this site. And yeah, she’s old enough. Once you’ve seen 45 year old trophy wives with braces, then you realize it doesn’t mean anything.
scrotum pole: Jed and Penny FTW. Please get these two a chaperone, some counseling and for the love of God, some sunblock.
Scott: Definitely Jed the Creepy My-God-What-the-Hell. Penny is probably a very nice girl, but only middlin’ Hot Chick. But Jed is just about the most revolting thing I’ve seen. He’s almost Lovecraftian, like a tatted-up Formless Spawn of the Elder Gods.
Excellently deconstructed, panel, the power of Jed overwhelmed the H.C. side, although if we assume Penny’s 18, I would hump thine leg with great aplomb. In a distant but solid second place, with support, was the combo of Pleasy Punchmyfacekowitz and skater Tonya. Kowitz.
Fat, Drunk and Douchey: He is a smug suburbanite choad that truly deserves a shot in the mug. Cheap pleather coat with faux fur liner, ten degree hat tilt, Hardy shirt. He has all the accoutrements and thinks that they somehow make the man. They don’t, Punchy. They make you an asshat.
Horace Dangleballs: I’ll have to go with Pleasy and Tonya. While he and the cuttlefish brothers both have the attributes of the douche, the Squee have that “professional” look to them while Tonya has a rather fetching “come hither” look to her.
bagnonymous: Pleasy represents pure “punch my face” scroteness, whilst Tonya most definitely holds up her end of the “HC” equation, in all of her tight, flexible-limbed, boner-inspiring petiteness.
ehcuodouche: We haven’t had a really good screen wrecker in a while, and Punchy has perfected the face that says, “Yeah, I’ve got obnoxious huge-head hat tilt, garishly colored Ed Hardy, and did you check out the frill on my bomber jacket? Can’t you just hear the stiff just-off-the-rack leather crackling through your speakers? What do you think of that?” Well, Punchy. I think I’m going to punch you in the face, THROUGH MY COMPUTER SCREEN! ARRRRGHHHH! This entry was submitted using a replacement monitor.
Mr. White: I’m going with Pleasy Punch. His sneer shows disdain and contempt for the entire world, which is sad on two levels. For one, he doesn’t know what the words “contempt” and “disdain” even mean, and for two, the universe is supposed to have contempt for YOU, Pleasy, not the other way around.
The Fourth Horseman of the Douchepocalypse: The only pic that induces so much rage that I may “Hulk” out later is Punchmyfacekowitz. He is all that is wrong with the Ohio Club scene right now. EH, 160 degree hat tilt, a jacket that was constructed from a 1972 couch and some fake bunny fur AND, worst of all, the confused look on his face wondering if he starts his shift at Radio Shack at 9am or 1pm tomorrow. All the while ignoring Tonya. Mmmm….tasty, skater, innocent next door Tonya.
Indeed, I’m glad to see you appreciate the leghump factor for girl next door like Tonya, FH of the D. They deserved some Weekly mock. And in a distant third were the classic douchescrotery of the greased up Miami turdpuddles, The Squid Brothers and the Squee Girls:
uscrascal: the ultimate douche-to-hott ratio is personified in the two Squid brothers and three Squee girls picture. there is no denying these guys are supreme douchebags, and the girls are top notch plastic hotts. the other two guys are just a creep and a loser, and their babes need more boobie. Squids ftw!!!
Evil_Readheaded_Stepchild: An intriguing conundrum, but for me the Squid Brothers win the day, steeped as they are in pure douche essence. And I don’t mean Vulva.
the motley douche: the debacle that is SB & SG gets the weekly. There is enough scrote and bleeth in that concoction to make me want to scrub my eyes with comet and a wire brush. But I won’t because, well…that would hurt.
doucheble helix: I’m voting for the boobies. Squeegee Bros and Squee Girls.
clam fist: The Squids for the weekly. They bring the hotts your momma warned you about, but when it comes to hotts, who listens to momma?
Well said voters, but with so few votes for Miami Beach turd, we see the desensitizing effect we’re all experiencing towards classic Douchebaggery. This is troubling, for classic douche will always deserve mock. But lets let Sorta Damocles take us home:
And then there’s Jed. Anyone who is giving this guy a pass is crazy. He is at least 21 and probably closer to 30. And who does the Douchebag hit on? LIttle Penny. Do you think Jed is going to be the kind of caring lover she needs to develop a healthy sex life and positive self image? Only if your definition of “healthy sex life” is her making sure to bleach her little brother’s GI Joe doll that Jed made her steal so he could be sodomized with it while screaming “Yo Joe”!
Jed ispires the most peacful people to violence. Even the Dalai Llama would want to bitch slap Jed.
Jed FTW…..Yuck!
And so they shall. I’m going with the “belly piercing = 18” theory, and lets let this worthy coupling of innocence and cultural crapfest duke it out as our last entry in next week’s Monthly. Good on you, Wankscrote and Penny. The beach is now closed.
And excellent voting round as always, props to all who posted. And the DB1 for Frosted Flakes.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010Kosmo KissyLips Abs a Blonde
The key to truly appreciating the aesthetic violations offered in this image of Monday’s Kosmo Kissylips sliding in to bother Philippa until she lets him buy her an appletini lies in the “double point.”
A hand gesture that states three things:
1. Yo, I got this girl yo
2. I gesture with two fingers, just like I tickle the lady parts
3. My nipp pierce says “stud”
Tuesday, April 13, 2010Skippy Gets Lucky
PIC DELETED
Paulina’s demonstrating not only a strange late 80s Paula Abdul hat fetish, but the early warning signs of a Stage-2 Bleeth Infection.
Too many nights out getting greased on by bartenderbags have led to early Kissy Lips outbreak.
Not that Skippy cares. It took him a week of packing crates at Best Buy to pay for that Ed Hardy shirt, and he’s gonna cash in as much as he can.
Good on you, Skippy. I’d almost give you a nottadouche for the happiness on display. But, sorry. I can’t. Hat Tilt + Sideways Peace Sign = choadmongery.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010Beefy McGee and the Martini Sisters
I caught their act at the Sheraton Lodge outside of Trenton.
Good times.
Beefy had a mind reading act, and Sharlene would produce doves from her cleavage.
Oh wait. No, sorry.
I’m thinking of my last trip to the Magic Castle. This team fetched me a mocha grande last Tuesday. And I tipped .35 cents.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010Stackhouse the Poet's "I Hope the Cream Pie is Rich and Fulfilling"
HCwDB legend and early favorite at the 2010 Douchies, Stackhouse the Poet, is still out there. Still composing epic words of outsider art primitive poetry for his whobag jumpoffs.
In today’s four part masterwork, Stackhouse the Poet presents his epic tale of love and loss, “I Hope the Creampie Is Rich and Fulfilling:”
—-
finally in bed with my girl, its been an empty week, god knows I have been in need of long blonde hair, Ds and her gorgeous smile. off work tomorrow and couldn’t need it more. On top of the mountain. As usual, as expected. Gettin Some is a habit, get on my level diper dicks
—–
—–
Trying to get some, but no one is in f*cking town. Looks like I’m taking my dime piece and a few stacks and evacuating the vacant town till monday. White sand, blue oceans, and 5 star restaurants sound fitting at this point in the week. Get Some
——
——
I’m playing little miss drama queen tonight. Gonna douche my vag, twittle my clit, and go to work to make money for all my expensises that I could live without. My caddy always starts and is on full so ill just put 1 and 1 together than make 4. Get Some
——
——
Stackhouse is single. My recently departed f*cked more people at FSU than I can handle, let some random dude she sucked off in the keys throw my 6 day old, diamond Tiffany’s ring in the ocean. Its no biggie 4 her cause she’s blowing fsu football players on the reg, at least the last time I dated a who-bag she drove a benz. I down graded & faked a relationship 4 the last time. Out after partying, holla at ur boy
So verbatim, my ex says she is keeping all my sh*t and is f*cking the sh*t out of some dude she works with. Lol, like I talk sh*t but I def don’t get my or faces filled to mask my insecurities. Good for u hun, I hope the cream pie is rich and fulfilling like the hot donut sign turning on at crispy cream. At least I know ur actually a whore now, so at least I have something to masturbate to.
——-
Like the hot donut sign turning on at crispy cream indeed, Stackhouse.
Indeed.
