HCwDB
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Thursday, September 27, 2007
The Walrus
Here’s a classic example of sweetness and heaping grease scrote wrongness.
How did this coupling come to pass?
What cultural forces brought together Sexy Sadie and The Walrus? Is there any possible way to liberate her from the grip of pinky ring choad? Could she be shown that The Walrus offends our collective aesthetic?
Or is she cursed to drive down that dark New Jersey highway forever?
Alls I know is the furry collar jacket without t-shirt, is pure class, Walrus. Goo goo ga joob.
Thursday, September 27, 2007Twin Peaks
Is this one of the Twin ‘Bags that won the Weekly back in May?
Looks like a Halloween pic, which I normally don’t run. Except when it features a ‘bag who decided to dress up for Halloween as an even bigger ‘bag.
And naturally, find himself surrounded by Jenny and Sally, the Hott Sisters. Majoring in Fashion Design, but with a dream to someday be the go-to hair and makeup team on the set of “Gossip Girl.”
Don’t worry cuties. Your time will come.
Just ditch the Twin. Especially Jenny with the carnal gaze. I’ve never looked sexier, sitting in my floor on in my underwear, Jenny. So I can understand your lustful glances.
Thursday, September 27, 2007Afflicted
For those scoring at home, “Affliction” shirts are +2 when scoring douchestrological rank.
Two matching “Affliction” shirts in a standard ‘bag sandwich formation around a tasty ham hottie?
I don’t even have the tools to measure or rank the douche echo from such an event. It is off the charts.
Then factor in the combo hair spike, and I’m sent into a spiraling social decline.
In other words I make fun of them while enjoying a tasty Hostess HoHo snack cake.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007Cracker Jack
I was wondering what would be a good look to wear out tonight.
Then it dawned on me. I’m going with the combo striped shirt, black tie, douche-face, sunglasses, mandana + baseball cap combo, and top it off with a Captain America Decoder Ring from a box of Cracker Jack.
Yeah. That’s the plan.
I will then gang tackle a drunk cutie in ski goggles, hook my arm around her, and repeatedly head-butt her ear.
Or would that make me a screaming uberchoad?
Why yes. Yes it would.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007I see Paris, I see France
I see something something.
Although I’d rather I hadn’t.
Really. Please. Put it away.
You’re distracting me from curvy femme on femme cuddling. Which is also the name for a great early 80s thrash punk band.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007Abs and Frogs
It’s like Mardi Gras at the Tiki Hut.
With perfect abs on college cuties.
And a frog.
No offense. I’m sure he’s a nice guy. Probably not even a ‘bag on any real level. But a frog.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007The Douchewank
What has two fingers, looks like Kevin Dillon mated with Quentin Tarantino, and smells like a raging pile of douchewank?
This guy.
Blinded in a freakish kiln explosion because he was making her a pot? Maybe. But the sunglasses and douche-lips are enough. He is d-wank.
Not that I’m into the model/replicant look on my hotties. I prefer them real. Or at least realistic.
But he is choad. And so we mock his sunglasses at night and Pee Wee Herman bowtie.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007Rock and Roll 'Bag
He… wants to rock and roll all niiiiight… and work at Denny’s all day…
So which is more annoying? The armpit sweat spot, the ridiculous douche-face, or Kato with the dribbling chin fungus, double fisting beer while catatonically smoking a cig?
Platinum Blonde makes me vaguely uneasy but, as they say in Oslo, boobies.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007Wednesday Limerick
There is a disease they call douche-face,
When spotted on choads you should use mace,
For hotties exposed,
Will find douche-face transposed,
And end up living out of a suitcase.
HCwDB of the Week: 'Bag Island
While the early groundswell of support for the Assferno gave way to discounting for being too “professional,” and the spectacular uberdouchosity of The Warthog also began to wane, the slow and steady nausea of The Miller Lite Fratchoad and his perfect blonde hottie won the race and takes the Weekly with ease.
As Darin sums it up in the comments thread, there’s just something about Fratty McChoad and his blondie that was too horrifying to ignore:
The other two candidates are impressive in their own ways, but for sheer, raw, douchiness, the ‘Bag Islander picture is the equivalent of a chile that seems mild and fruity on first bite, but grows and swells with heat, until your mouth, your digestive tract, and eventually your entire body is wracked and overwhelmed with burning, nausea, and sweat.
Well said, Darin. Sometimes we underestimate the power of the Miller Lite Fratchoad to personify all that is douche. As doucheland, doucheland, über alles puts it:
The guy in the ‘Bag Islanders is classic douche. He’s harkening back on the days back in the 80s/early 90s when he thought he was hot s@#t. Headband, the dyed hair, and the douchegrin and gesture which suggest he’s saying “You da man!” Miller Lite is also a nice touch.
Heh. Nice dig at the Motherland with the name, DDUA.
But The Warthog and Dante’s Assferno found their fans. Danny Noonan tees up a golf shot for The Warthog:
The ‘bag Islander inspires hate in me unseen since Sam moved in with the Drummonds on Diff’rent Strokes. Yet not quite the hate I feel for the Warthog. The Warthog’s proximity to one of the all time HCs (Hollish McRacky) and his complete scrote tint and face put him in a rare category. It’s gotta be the Warthog.
Interestingly, the Assferno received a number of votes from our female ‘bag hunters. dita von douche casts in with the pros:
I have to vote Dante’s Assferno. The amount of ass in the picture, the level of douchosity, the making out chicks with the tramp stamp, the tats…. Assferno by a landslide.
And mistress julie agrees:
Dante’s Assferno because it’s just like watching bad porn: hot chicks and revolting douches in the same screen shot. Yuck. I don’t need to see faces, just close ups here please. And by close ups, I mean asses.
The ladies love the merits of the female posterior, and who am I to argue with that logic?
But stanley ipkiss makes the case for the ‘Bag Islanders to take the crown:
Close call. But i’d go with the ‘Bag Islanders.
Watching a obscenely rich, braindead zombiechoad winking way to glory like a retarded genetically deformed white Congolese chimpanzee with beer and still getting the hotties makes me clutch my chest with agonizing pain. is there no justice in this world?
Oh, and the mammaries of the hottie behind makes me curse at my nothingness in the society.
I feel your pain, S.I. And I’m pleased to see the undefinable affect within the nausea inducing hottie/douche cohabitation of the ‘Bag Island carry it to a victory.
Sure it’s not as obvious as other pics. But it’s there. Oh yes. That rank foul odor of hott and choad, mixing amidst daddy’s boat and a warm can of Miller Lite.
Chalk up a victory for the White Man’s Overbite, and punch the ‘Bag Island a ticket to the Monthly.
