HCwDB
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Sunday, July 22, 2007
Piranha II: The Douching
We’re gonna need a bigger ‘bag.
The Paradox
Okay, enough with my Bollywood fetish, lets get back to the good stuff.
Here’s your classic stage-4 all-American douchebag. Apple Pie is to America what Douchechoad here is to Douchebaggery.
You get all the markers of classic ‘bag/hott wrongness. Creepy tats. Simultaneous ‘bag hand gesture and beer hold. The smug douche-face of ownership. And, of course, the ‘bag headbutt into Creamed Corn Hottie.
She is shiny cheeked perfection. That dark sultry ambiguously Spanish hot tamale hott. Healthy bosoms that promise to feed and nourish all of humanity. Large swells that whisper poems of water trickling over rocks, metaphors of hope, peace and a better tomorrow. I would bury myself betwixt their health and dream of flowerpots and sugarplum pancakes.
She is sexpot. He is choad.
It is the perfect HCwDB weekend pic to fire all of us up and keep us going. It’s like a shot of spiritual Red Bull. You rage. You desire. You rage some more.
The paradox is life itself. I don’t know what that means, but it sounds good. And the DB1 is hungover.
Saturday, July 21, 2007Bombay Nights
Proving once again that douchebaggery cuts across not only racial and ethnic lines, but regional and national ones, behold creepy Indian Dirk Diggler showing off his large banana.
I’d line dance to falsetto melodies with ten thousand extras being paid in grape-leaves and orange juice, just for the chance to co-star in her sixteenth movie shot over four months. Then I would sword fight while overacting for the long shots until the love triangle emerged in Act 2. There would be only one way to solve the love triangle while charming her father, and that would be with more song and dance numbers.
My masterly skill would involve numerous chase scenes and one evil Pakistani, whom I’d pay off with tobacco barrels and Chinese rice wines. After saving the princess, stopping only for one more extended song and dance number, I’d lean in for the kiss as the screen faded out.
Mmm… then back in our trailers I would curry her vindaloo and ask Vishnu for forgiveness.
Saturday, July 21, 2007The Love Scrote
Where’s Captain Stubing to punch this douchescrote in the nads?
DinnerBag
Uhm yes, waiter, I’ll have a side order of pale, muscleless rocker scroad showing his underwear and, uhm, for my main course I’ll have Duff Hottie Abs. With wasabe and ginger.
On second thought, burn the rocker scroad, then toss it out back in the trash. I’ll just have the Duff Hottie Abs.
Oh, and bring me the head of Alfredo Garcia, and put it on the Underhills. Mucho gracias.
Friday, July 20, 2007Color Him Bagg
PIC DELETED
I think it’s kind of cool that when the lost member of Color Me Badd goes out partying, he remembers to bring both mandana and 10 degree cap tilt. The color coordination with his shirt is impeccable. And by impeccable, I mean douche.
Hard to tell how hot blondie is from the angle, she’s either Long Island Annoying Hott or Nicole Ritchie meh. But it’s Friday. And we need something to come down off those Hawaiian Coconuts.
Friday, July 20, 2007Where's Lei Hottie?
Somewhere in this pic of three greasy choadbags and four Woo Hotties, I’ve carefully hidden a Lei Hott.
Can you find her?
She’s no Purg Hottie, but is raidly gaining on the “girls DB1 would like to read Heidegger to while foldling her lower boobage with a horsefeather” scale.
Friday, July 20, 2007Separated at Birth?
As per the comments thread… Neckglasses Choad and Buddy Hackett?
EDIT: Reader Darksock finds the connection:
“Hackett starred in the 1980 film Hey Babe! with a twelve year old Yasmine Bleeth in her first screen appearance.”
Now it all makes sense…
Friday, July 20, 2007Lei Hottie
Here’s Lei Hottie, the middle hott from the Haiku pic, getting scroted on by a Anne Heche in drag. Or maybe he’s Ellen?
Also, note the dude with the T-Rex vestigal arms in the back. It’s gotta be chaos theory. That’s the only explanation.
She’s got meat on her bones in all the right places. I’d take her to Sizzler but only let her order the shrimp, before taking her home and making her put me in diapers and spank me with a ping-pong paddle, Vitter style.
Friday, July 20, 2007Friday Haiku
Beach Blanket Beauties,
A choad washed up on the beach,
His crabs are showing.
pube exhibition
all that really needs trimming
are the three grass skirts
— anonymous
Silk skinned goddesses
Piss off, Lurch and Moonpie Grin
You will not get Lei’d
— darksock
Three are beautiful
Don’t want to see the choads pubes
Girl on left makes face
— tyler choaden
D’Bag shaves his chest,
Cool guy gets with the hot chicks,
Should be eating my fist.
— dances with d’bags
sloe-eyed topless choad
exposes pubes. I almost
missed waldouche in rear.
— oscar de la douchea
