HCwDB
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Wednesday, May 9, 2007
Red Cactus
Pick me a winner, Red Cactus.
Pick me a winner.
Wednesday, May 9, 2007P-Douche
This pic is so drippingly infected with douche virus, it’s like staring at a Yasmine Bleeth pap smear. It’s a swirling pink pile of putrid some word that begins with p. It’s P-Douche. The next level of douchitude.
Oh Grieco, look what you hath wrought.
Wednesday, May 9, 2007Professor Moriarty
I’m not sure when 19th Century literary villains started emerging as 21st century douchebags. But someone needs to close the book on this trend as soon as douchily possible.
Sexy librarian cutie looks way too sweet to be getting pawed by a creepy baron, or duke or whatever quasi-noble British royal this wonky scroad is emulating.
Either way, I would spoon tapioca into his eyeglasses before stroking cutie’s amber hair by the light of a twilight moon, and then suckling her toes like a hungry iguana until she called Scotland Yard.
Wednesday, May 9, 2007HCwDB of the Week: Manmaries
After an intense, and at times ‘baggily sidetracked, discussion and debate, the man-boobs and his sexy compatriot with the sweet smile triumphed to take this week’s Douche Crown. And by triumphed, I mean mandana.
In the end, it’s gotta be the man-boobs. Look at those things. Better yet, look away. Fast.
Even with a perhaps undeserved second chance, The Racc was unable to prevail, illuminating an important point. Douchebaggery, at its core, must come from a psychological place deep within the human soul. It cannot simply be painted on, inked or dyed. It must be achieved through deep mental preparation.
Perhaps this is the lesson the Zen Master Douche Lee tried to teach us last year. The lesson we refuse to learn. That douchosity is not simply a state of bling, dog tags, teeth grillz, hand gestures and douche-face. It is a state of mind. A vision.
Douchius Caesar accurately sums up this week’s conundrum:
I must concurr with my learned brothers&sisters above in stating the ridiculous hotness of #1…but she cannot carry the day. As compelling as my desire to be lost in her hotness for a fortnight alas, the title must belong to Manmaries.
His uber-douchness is only equal to the hotness of his companion. The Mandana, chest wax and ‘blue steel’ look he has going is classic douche…and that is what we’re going for here, classic douchness…on this, his manmaries are on a level of their own. And by level I mean pondscum. He is the remora fish to her great white and by great white…well you know what I’m looking at.
-Douchius Caesar
Well said, D.C., and I’m still sorry about when you were betrayed and uttered those famous words, “Et Tu, Douchus?”
Voodouche Chile (Slight Return) also nails it, and by nails it I mean has sex with it:
Has to be Manmaries, on his own merit (shudder) and by default. Spider is just in the wrong place at the wrong time, exhibiting none of the scrote shibboleths. Raccouche might be a harmless cubicle dweller by day who can wear choad attire as easily as Buffalo Bill slips on human skin clothing. Manmaries, however, is douchey through and through, douchey, douchey, yes, it’s true. And the chick is hot.
Say what you will about the Racc, but Manmaries is a worthy winner in any week. I mean, look at that pic. If you need a closer look click on it. If that don’t make you want to club a baby mongoose with a dress shoe, then I don’t know what.
Great work, as always, to those of you who stayed on point in your deconstructions of hottie/douchey wrongness. As to the mini flame-war in the thread, it’s positively douchebaguous. Take it to Fark or somewhere else. Here at HCwDB.com, we unite in our sole mission: To drool over boobies and mock/rage at the scrote they attract.
Oh, and whomever coined “Minnow Slap” for Fish Slap’s zygotic friend below, that’s genius.
EDIT: rip van wanker gets credit for the Minnow Slap.
Tuesday, May 8, 2007Purg Hottie to the Rescue
After that run of utter douchebaggery, I think we all need to soothe ourselves with a little Purg Hotness. Yes there’s douchebaggery on either side, a Fratbag Sandwich if you will. But there’s Purg. And a hottie friend of hers to cool us all down with a drink of perfection.
Ahhh….
Tuesday, May 8, 2007Fish Slap: Where's Hottie Edition
Ah what the hell, since it’s Retro Bag Tuesday, might as well throw a little Fish Slap into the mix.
Let this pic put to rest any lingering doubts as to the Slapster’s deserved win in the Weekly. Let this pic also put to rest any hope you had of keeping down lunch. Yeeech.
I apologize for the douche-hot ratio in this pic. I almost wasn’t going to run it, but hell, there’s fires raging in the Hollywood Hills up the road, might as well post the inferno that is Fish Slap’s utter douchosity.
Tuesday, May 8, 2007Spike says Mooshi-Mooshi
Spike, who first appeared on the site fondling a Sarah Silverman Hottie, and then again molesting a sultry red head also wanted to get in on today’s retro fun with old friends. And by friends I mean douchebags.
Spike, you must stop macking on the college cuties. You’re turning them into douchebaguettes.
Tuesday, May 8, 2007Harry Beaver says Hi
Since it’s the return of old friends day,the legendary hirsute douchebag Harry Beaver wanted to drop in and say hello, along with The Dharma ‘Bag and, of course, the legend that is Yellowtail. Heck, I didn’t even realize that was Yellowtail, so distracted by the bling was I. But indeed it is, as various sharp eyed ‘bag hunters have observed.
The DB1 just spent his morning arguing a ticket downtown at Traffic Court. Stupid Douchecop pulled me over for not having a seatbelt on. Nice, Douchecop. Have another doughnut. Good news is I got outta there in under two hours. I was fast-tracked for being the only one in court who spoke English. The bad news? Harry Beaver’s got a ball of hot, and I had to pay $99 bucks for a seatbelt infraction.
Tuesday, May 8, 2007The Wampa
Wampa knows how to party down with Figrin D’an and the Modal Nodes. But how’d he ever score a Twi’lek hottie?
I always wondered what this mysterious snow creature looked like when kicking back, relaxing, and fondling a sexy dancer paid to pretend she cares. But where is that long black hair on his furry coat coming from? And what’s with the scepter?
I mean… scepter. Come on now. Even in jest, Wampa Oldie is scrote.
There’s just too much wrong to count in this one. I might need to start drinking early today.
Tuesday, May 8, 2007Dharma Bag in Paris
Dharma ‘Bag wanted to come by and remind you to get your votes in on the HCwDB of the Week Contest while he macks his choady seed on future prison inmate #2431145.
Voting will be open all day. As will Paris.
