HCwDB
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Sunday, August 1, 2010
How to Dance Like a Guido
Consider this the “Mein Kampf,” if you will, of Douche Frolic.
Friday, July 30, 2010Mandana Morrie
Here’s a classic case of a late stage-1 or early stage-2 ‘bag. Don’t get me wrong, Morrie’s a pudz, to be sure. Wearing the adouchetributes because he thinks it’ll help him get some quality pear, but his heart just isn’t into it.
Shave the chin pubes, take off the Mandana, lose the bling, and go back to trying (and failing) to get a summer job at Carl’s Jr, Morrie, and all will be forgiven.
As to Vanessa, her heaving bosoms and pale lickable Cleavite reveal require a deep and cleansing Windex scrub using only the softest of imported Tuscan toilet paper.
Thursday, July 29, 2010Speedo Mike = Autodouche
I don’t care if you’ve committed no other culture crimes whatsoever.
No Groin Shave Reveal, no bizarre facial fung, no orange tan, no spikey faux, no Axe bodyspray, no tribal tatts, no hand gestures, no popped collar and no excessive bling.
If you wear a speedo, you are autodouche.
No exemptions.
No one wants to see your bits, Mike. I realize you’re a salesman at Best Buy in Reno, and this is your one weekend to let loose, but no excuses. You are ‘Bag.
Carrie and Corrie, I realize both of you need to eat a cheeseburger. But I will forgive you your lack of caloric intake by massaging your ankles with melted garlic and a touch of ginger. Because I care.
Thursday, July 29, 2010Biff The Bouncer ‘Bag
We haven’t featured some quality meaty meat bouncer douches on the site in awhile, so here’s Biff, working to pay off his parole one night shift at “Club Pure” at a time.
Even with 1970s porn star chin pube and tribal tatt, I kinda like Biff’s self awareness, so I’m going stage-2. Douchey, but redeemable.
Mmmm… Courtney and Michelle. Middle age ladies should burn and rage at closing of the rope. So do not go gentle into that good VIP section. Rage, rage, against the fading of the tight.
Thursday, July 29, 2010Biff The Bouncer 'Bag
We haven’t featured some quality meaty meat bouncer douches on the site in awhile, so here’s Biff, working to pay off his parole one night shift at “Club Pure” at a time.
Even with 1970s porn star chin pube and tribal tatt, I kinda like Biff’s self awareness, so I’m going stage-2. Douchey, but redeemable.
Mmmm… Courtney and Michelle. Middle age ladies should burn and rage at closing of the rope. So do not go gentle into that good VIP section. Rage, rage, against the fading of the tight.
Thursday, July 29, 2010‘Bag / Nottabag?
Shifty Shawn reeks of DJ Douchepoo aura and smug entitlement as he bothers the delightfully pure and filtered glass of hottwater that is Ambiguously Eastern European Elisa.
But without more obvious adouchetributes, do we have enough evidence to convict?
Mmmm… Ambiguously Eastern European Elisa. I would listen to your high pitched laugh over your inability to understand English, and then I would awkardly follow you to the bathroom, inexplicably get jealous of the catering guy who offers you a pig in a blanket, then wait outside the bathroom until security asked me to leave. And then I would go to In-n-Out and enjoy a tasty double double.
Thursday, July 29, 2010'Bag / Nottabag?
Shifty Shawn reeks of DJ Douchepoo aura and smug entitlement as he bothers the delightfully pure and filtered glass of hottwater that is Ambiguously Eastern European Elisa.
But without more obvious adouchetributes, do we have enough evidence to convict?
Mmmm… Ambiguously Eastern European Elisa. I would listen to your high pitched laugh over your inability to understand English, and then I would awkardly follow you to the bathroom, inexplicably get jealous of the catering guy who offers you a pig in a blanket, then wait outside the bathroom until security asked me to leave. And then I would go to In-n-Out and enjoy a tasty double double.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010Scrawnster McFung
I haven’t seen alien plant fung take over a body like that since Doctor Who fought the Krynoid.
Yeah, that’s right. 1970s Doctor Who references.
If you don’t like it, The Dirty is just down the virtual street.
Mmmm… Nikki’s swollen aboobdages call to me like the stolen jello molds I kept under the bed as a child and anthropomorphized by drawing sharpie faces on them. Don’t judge me. Jello Mold imaginary friends got me through 9th grade.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010Superlobe
Phatter than a speeding mullet!
More powerful than a Happy Meal prize!
Able to skip annoying job interviews in a single “didn’t set my alarm!”
Look!
Working at the supermarket!
It’s a turd!
It’s a lame!
It’s Superlobe!
Yes, it’s Superlobe – lame visitor from next door suburbia who came to bother Sweet Suzy Hott with powers and piercings far beyond those of normal men.
Superlobe – who can change the course of bagging groceries at the local Albertsons, air guitar with his bare hands, and who, disguised as “Continuing Education and Part Time Guitarist Guy,” mild mannered guy for a great metropolitan supermarket, fights the never ending battle for minimum wage, Smirnoff Ice and the slacker way.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010A Quorum Vote Has Been Called: Elizabeth for "Hall of Hott"
‘Bag Hunters have successfully petitioned for a cloture vote via quorum on the nomination of Elizabeth for a lifetime appointment to our hallowed Hall of Hott.
All may vote, with weighted votes going to those members of the Hall of Mock.
First appearing last week in Larry the Claims Processor Holds on to 45 For As Long as He Can, ambiguously Quartasian Elizabeth offers a body of pure suckle drink hott water splashing on a crest of mountain boobie ice cream rainbow humper pooper.
She is tasty, and clean, and pure like snowflakes, no one could ever stain.
But tasty enough to make our hallowed Hall of Hott?
What’s your vote?
