HCwDB
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Thursday, July 22, 2010
Starry Blight
Uhm… yeah.
On the bright side, the chance of a meteor destroying all life on earth as we know it is .0004%.
So we got that going for us. Which is nice.
Thursday, July 22, 2010Sherman’s Starch
I’d almost be inclined to give Sherman a nottadouche if it wasn’t for the Janet Jackson Rhythm Nation shirt and receding platinum faux.
We’ll go with a stage-2 tag. Annoying, but not yet lost to the ways of the scrote.
Rachel is working it nicely, and her shoulders deserve to be lick-polished like a bronze bedpost by a Bristlenose Plecostamus.
Thursday, July 22, 2010Sherman's Starch
I’d almost be inclined to give Sherman a nottadouche if it wasn’t for the Janet Jackson Rhythm Nation shirt and receding platinum faux.
We’ll go with a stage-2 tag. Annoying, but not yet lost to the ways of the scrote.
Rachel is working it nicely, and her shoulders deserve to be lick-polished like a bronze bedpost by a Bristlenose Plecostamus.
Thursday, July 22, 2010Bob’s Oily Tatt Migration
Is the douchey shoulder tatt the 2010 version of the douchey neck or ab tatt? And where did all the neck and ab tatts migrate to?
Is Shane McPink hiding a secret from his parents?
But most importantly, is Irene as raunchy as her eyes promise, and if not, can I get my money back for the four overpriced Fuzzy Navels and two hours hearing about how her family is, like, so totally beyond lame it’s not even right, you know what she’s saying?
Thursday, July 22, 2010Bob's Oily Tatt Migration
Is the douchey shoulder tatt the 2010 version of the douchey neck or ab tatt? And where did all the neck and ab tatts migrate to?
Is Shane McPink hiding a secret from his parents?
But most importantly, is Irene as raunchy as her eyes promise, and if not, can I get my money back for the four overpriced Fuzzy Navels and two hours hearing about how her family is, like, so totally beyond lame it’s not even right, you know what she’s saying?
Thursday, July 22, 2010The Starhawk Puts on a Tie
Yesterday’s The Starhawk decided the best way to impress Anne’s parents was to don the proverbial tie and bring her a bouquet of blowpops.
Do I smell an early favorite for next week’s HCwDB of the Week?
Perhaps. But I also smell a strange odor coming from my stained carpet.
Stupid grape jelly stains. If only grape jelly wasn’t so tasty on bagels.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010The Aqualick
Attempting to invert gender norms by grinding into Sexy Sarah’s crotch is not ironic, Aqualick. It just makes you a pud.
An orange, greasy, fauxhawked pud.
No. Check that.
I’m upgrading you. From pud to stage-3 ‘bag.
Mmmm… Sexy Sarah. Let us discuss Proust by candle light and then ignore my semi-head-move in for a kiss when I hug you goodnight, and then when I accidentally poke you in the thigh with my gnome sword, causing us both to nervously laugh and clear our throats and me to run for the subway.
Yeah. That’s right. I described it as a gnome sword. Judge me if you must. My therapist. does.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010Creepy Bongo Hoverguy
A creepy bongo hoverguy hitting on aging but still sexy milfy mom types who look like they’ve been bongoed a few times back in the day usually wouldn’t usually be enough to make the site.
But I’m fascinated with an appearance by Rareass Yellow Cup.
Perhaps it’s a sign.
Tomorrow, none of us drink soda.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010The Starhawk
Many douchebags can shave patterns into their temples, grow ant-like chin fung uponst their chins, wear Jebus Bling and pink, and hit on Midwestern Maggie while she’s Paid-to-Pose to pay for night nursing school.
But only an exceptional scrotebag, one well versed in the dark douchal arts, can make rocker horns while holding champagne.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010Jebus Doesn’t Shave
(With Biblical citation written by original Jebrovah’s Witness, Prophet Burt):
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And they looked down upon this man with great confusion. Who is this man of questionable clothes and exotic hots? Is he the one they would call Jebus? The wise man DB1 must proclaim it to be so.
– First Letter to the Scrotinthians 6:49
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Gaybag? Or European technobag? Mere technicalities. Jebus is beyond mortal douchescrotewankery. Jebus crosses over into the realm of the choadal sublime.
