Herpster
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Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Herman Herspter Spreads his Taint
Lovely Taut Suckle Miranda wears the hipster irono-glasses that show the taint has taken hold.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011Breaking: Someone Named Brenda Song Gets Engaged to Some Herpster
ehcuodouche writes in with news of barely legal Asian Hott Brenda Song getting engaged to Billy Ray Jr. or something:
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A sad day for me, as uberhott Asian goddess Brenda Song has gotten engaged to an uberdouche Cyrus spawn…apparently because he knocked her up. I blame Disney. Nothing else can explain how such a sweet young woman can so embarrass her ancestors. Attached is a pic of the “herpy” couple.
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I don’t know who any of these people are, but I do know they are silly people. And that if L.A. Radio plays “Pumped Up Kicks” one more time, I’ll set Silverlake on fire.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011Heterosexual Bob Wears Mesh To the Pool
Between the mesh doily outerwear and the “F*** Me I’m Famous” hat, State School Kathie knows that she’s in the presence of greatness.
At least until Monday morning.
Because those flapjacks won’t flip themselves onto the Rutti Tutti Fresh and Frutty breakfast plate without able bodied assistance.
Still, the lack of garish tattoos on this couple is laudatory, but also startling and frightening.
What alternate universe time vortex did I pee into?
Thursday, October 6, 2011The Herpsters Spread
I’m telling you. It’s a new breed.
One that needs monitoring. And by monitoring, I mean the art of the collective mock.
Oh Sophomore Year Pre-Med Major Kimberly. How I make sickly moaning and pooching noises under your dorm room bed when you’re helping the sisters of Kappa Kappa Thigh hold a bake sale out by the quad. While you sell red velvet cupcakes for two dollars each, I sniff your dresser like a homeless koala on paint thinner.
Thursday, October 6, 2011Too Much Hairspray
The Herpster
Somewhere in a land of stupid hatts and coffee houses, the hipster and the douchebag mated to produce… the Herpster.
Part asswipe. Part semi-employed computer programmer.
The Herpster is a hybrid technology in the worst sense of pollutant producing toxins.
With tuxedo crotch, Ed Hardy Tattoo, and ironic distance expression, Henry Herpster bothers delightful Librarian Laura for our retchification.
And so I note the Darwinian development of ‘baggery. And poke Librarian Laura’s upper thigh area with a q-tip while she’s ordering a cosmo.
