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Monday, July 1, 2013
Why Money Managers Are at the Heart Of Supreme Assscrotery
Runs up a bar tab of $320,000.
Indicted for seven million dollar illegal investment scheme.
The fact that we haven’t responded to the abuses of Wall Street by dragging out the Masters of the Universe like they did to the royal court in France in 1789 remains a mystery to me.
If there is any cosmic justice then each of the rank festering “investment banker” pustule con artists of the past few decades will suffer nasty groin itch for eternity in the afterlife.
Wednesday, June 26, 2013Breaking: Anorexic Justin Bieber Drives Fancy Car, Wears Spandex and Pink Shoes
It’s likea butch new wave hot chick from the early 1980s mated with the Pillsbury Dough Boy and squatted out an albino ass turd.
Still, it’s rare we find the HCwDB combo compressed into a singular corporeal form. And even rarer that it looks like a hiphop pelican.
Wednesday, June 19, 2013RIP James Gandolfini
So it’s apparently true that James Gandolfini died of a heart attack today at the age of 51 while in Italy.
Given I’d just polished off some tasty pasta carbonara, washed down with some Mr. Pibb, this is a totally crappy coda to that otherwise enjoyable meal.
I have no idea why I’m bringing up my most recent meal. Maybe because Tony Soprano ate so much on the Sopranos, and so I associate Gandolfini with eating.
Anyways, RIP Tony Soprano. A great actor.
You were the best.
Monday, June 10, 2013Las Vegas DJ Douchebags Continue to Get Paid Millions to Operate iTunes
This continues to be one of the great travesties of our contemporary cultural suckitude. No talent button pushing asswipes in trendy t-shirts are somehow paid millions of dollars to press “play”:
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Tiësto
2012 total earnings: $22 million
Data service Pollstar found that the Dutch-born DJ, who just signed on to a residency at Hakkasan, earns around $250,000 per performance, adding up to a total in 2012 of $22 million.
And that number may only grow, as Tiësto recently told Rolling Stone that he sees 2013 as the Year of Las Vegas for top DJs.
“I’m going to dedicate my year to Las Vegas. Just Vegas, maybe a couple of festivals. I haven’t decided yet,” he said. “With the scene blowing up in America, Vegas is so much fun now. It’s the right time to do it.”
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Atrocious.
Tuesday, June 4, 2013Justin Bieberbag is Harmonic Mellonic Douchebloat
File this one under obvious-to-the-point-of-redundant-irrelevance, but since I like to pretend to have topicality around here every once in awhile, let us take a moment and collectively mock this imbecelic boy-child and his continuation of he worst of late 2000s douche culture under the guise of irreverent youth.
For the full story of this harmonic mellonic douchebloat, here’s the summary over at the Superficial.
Friday, April 19, 2013More Craziness in Boston
No, this picture is not of the Boston Terrorists/Clowns. But, hey, it’s what I post around here.
As Twitter, Reddit and other forms of social media continue to pwn the joke that is CNN and the rest of the cable news jokiverse, we here at HCwDB want to do our part.
Since J_tsar is the real twitter account of Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, I thought we’d (dis)honor some of his actual tweets.
The day after the bombing:
@J_tsar 16 Apr: I’m a stress free kind of guy
Two days before the bombing:
@J_tsar 13 Apr: Got me a haircut, I don’t usually do those
And my personal fave:
@J_tsar 11 Apr: Now we aint come here to start no drama, we just looking for our future baby mamas
Or the fact this dude was into Rent.
Well, I can’t do much else here at HCwDB except mock a Fratbag in these clowns dishonor.
Wednesday, April 17, 2013Boston Thoughts
I’mma take today and post a few thoughts on Boston. It’s going through a tough time right now, not the least of which is because Boston is a fairly reserved, conservative city, despite its politics. It is a place and a people with a loooooong memory. Hundreds of years. Events like this are not taken lightly.
It is a great city. But also a cold city. A troubled city. And a proud city. A torrid mixture of provincial pride, residual racism and puritan-era repression, yes. But mixed with a community of intelligence, historical reverence, and a philosophical understanding of the complexities of time.
Other American cities, cities with much shorter histories, can’t understand that yet.
That’s what makes Boston unique among American cities.
It is European but not European. American, but not noveau-American, like so many strip-mall suburban nightmares west of the Mississippi.
It is a city of paradoxes.
When I announced my plans to move to New York to attend NYU to my fellow co-workers on my summer food cart job, I was met with a mixture of indignation and rage. I was accused of betraying my people.
That kind of pride.
I’ll post a few more specific memories later today, but lets take a day to honor this strange, complex, and gloriously unique American city. You’re welcome to add to my thoughts in the comments thread.
Boston, and the whole state of Massachusetts, deserves it.
Monday, April 15, 2013Patriots Day in Boston
Hard to fully express just how important Patriots Day is in Boston. Having grown up in Brookline, my memories of the marathon were like an annual marker of seasonal change. A time when the whole city gussies itself up and prepares to look good for our much bigger neighbors. Like when you’re forced to wear that tux in the back of your closet every year for a family event.
The city takes off the work boots and baseball caps and puts on its proverbial tux. The eyes of the world all shift to the city that birthed the modern marathon.
This is why Patriots Day is a distinctly New England form of transformative marker. It signifies the unofficial start of spring, yes, but also the end of the six months of ass-freezing shite that defines life as a Bostonian. When the running shoes and short shorts are careening down Boylston Street by the thousands, the snowy-ass assitude of life as a Boston denizen is finally taking a turn for the better.
Those ass-chafing winters have finally given up the frozen ghost. Forced to release their icicle grip on our collective nethers.
Sex lives put in storage for six months finally begin to heat up. The crisp air is just starting to turn warm. Flower scented. The collegiate boobie hotties tentatively bust out their mini-dresses for the first time.
It is renewal.
Baseball has started up again.
The Charles River no longer has ice floes on it.
College kids all over Cambridge, Boston and Brookline are finishing up their classes and preparing to search for summer jobs scooping ice cream or maybe that dream job at Newbury Comics will finally come through.
And there’s the marathon to usher in the change.
Boston will recover.
But it still feels like a rending of something sacred.
I was in the East Village on 9/11 and saw the second plane hit from my rooftop. So I’ve been up close with this sort of thing before.
It is awful. But it is not permanent. Recovery and healing will come.
Monday, April 15, 2013Thoughts and Prayers with the People of my Hometown of Boston
Too depressed to mock douchebags right now. Thoughts and prayers that this isn’t as horrific as it appears right now.
Thursday, March 21, 2013Breaking: High Schools Axe Bodyspray
We’re… winning?
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High school wants kids to cut back on body spray after student hospitalized for exposure to Axe
From ASSOCIATED PRESS
Last Updated: 11:03 AM, March 20, 2013
Posted: 11:02 AM, March 20, 2013
BETHLEHEM, Pa. — A Pennsylvania high school wants its students to cut back on the body spray.
Freedom High School in Bethlehem says one of its students was recently hospitalized for exposure to Axe Body Spray. Now, officials are asking students to stop using it as a cologne or fragrance while attending the school.
In a statement posted on the school website Tuesday, officials say the affected student is severely allergic to the spray and recently had to be taken to the hospital by ambulance after being exposed to it.
It wasn’t immediately clear what type of reaction the student had, or what chemical in the spray may have caused the problem.
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And from Gawker, Axe Bodyspray has same effect as nerve gas.
