News
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Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Breaking: Donkey Douche Back in Jail
While earlier this year we watched as the Donk Went Free, reader Magnum Douche P.I. sends in this breaking update from the courthouse on the latest in the ongoing epic decline of Hall of Scrote legend, The Donk:
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DB1: Love the site, keep up the great work.
I was doing some work at the DuPage County, IL courthouse and ran into the Donk.
He just keeps living up to his Lifetime Achievement Award winning ways. The bond on his pending criminal case for drug dealing was revoked after a seach warrant executed on his house on March 14th found 2,500 grams of cannabis. Bond revoked, back in jail, no bond, sitting until his pending trial. Here’s a link.
The guy just cracks me up. Just figured I’d let you know. Mock on.
Magnum Douche P.I.
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Note that on his courthouse page, The Donkster’s eye color is listed as “BRO.” Coincidence? I think not.
For there are bottles of Grey Goose out there that nobody is running with.
Thursday, April 28, 2011Remember Kids, Middle Fingers Are Autodouche
Monday, March 28, 2011
Breaking: Some Hot Australian Actress Is Dating Some Rocker Turd Colon
In “Celebrities You’ve Never Heard Of” news, some Aussie hottie actress named Nicki Whelan showed up at some event thingy on some day or another, and turned out to be dating some heaping serving of rockerchoad.
Thought I’d “break” this “breaking” story because I know how much you care about the goings-on of people who aren’t interesting, have northing to say, but help to sell colory pictury magazines to rolly polly housewives at supermarket checkout lines in flyover states.
And because I like to stay plugged in to the latest Hollywood news. Me and Billy Bush are, like, sympatico.
Speaking of Billy Bush, there’s a turd who just won’t flush.
Okay, enough Hollywood shoescrape. No one cares. Back to real people.
But man oh chewtoy, this Nicki chick is a tasty Aussie Peach. I’d crack spunk a garglety kracken just to gnaw suckle fondle thigh.
Sunday, March 20, 2011HCwDB Turns 5!
Happy birthday fellow hunters and huntresses!!!!
Five years ago, the virtual mock was born.
Today, we’re all growds up.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011Random White Guy On Stage at a Parliament/Funkadelic Show
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Hottie/Douchey mocking to witness a random white guy doing the White Man’s Overbite on stage at a Parliament Funkadelic show.
George Clinton is not amused.
Thursday, February 10, 2011Breaking: Congressman Christopher Lee (R-Etard) Resigns for Emailing Douche Pic on Craigslist
Well, the classic ‘bag Camera Phone Bathroom Pose, as seen numerous times on the site, has reached the halls of Congress.
Some married congressional shmoe named Christopher Lee trying to pick up the “ladiez” by emailing douche-pics of his tax cut.
In addition, HCwDB has found an *exclusive* second pic of Congressman Lee not yet released to the general public.
Yikes.
And because I gotta balance this extremely douche-centric post somehow, enjoy some Tasty Bronzer Pear. Mmm… I’d tea her parties then practice bigotry against her Muslims.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011Breaking: Sports Illustrated Model Marissa Miller Is Still Married to a Twatwaffle
We’ve been tracking one of the longest and most inexplicable celebrity Hottie/Douchey cohabits to maintain itself here on the site since early 2008, with depressing updates in late 2008 and 2009.
I speak, of course, of the uberbobuous Marissa Miller and her astonishing decision not just to date or hook up with, but to marry, a heaping load of yakspittle.
Marissa Miller and Cactus didn’t win the 2008 Douchie Award for celebrity HCwDB, losing to the toxic vegas crud that is Criss Angel and Assorted Vegas Porn Hotts, but their stench has gained from sheer longevity.
Anyone who thinks that because douchebaggery has become self-aware in the age of the Jersey Shore just like Cyberdyne Systems did on August 29th, 1997, doesn’t realize that that doesn’t mean the war ended. It means the war has only begun.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010Breaking: Russell Brand and Whassername Marry
Some fellow ‘bag hunters have written in asking me to comment on uber-lame pseudo comedian narcissist Russell Brand’s marriage to pablum pop genericist Katy Perry.
I have little to add.
They are the product of the narcissistic swill lottery under cover of irony shield. Brand’s duplicitous self deprecation and Perry’s blank stare, each the latest Rorsharch mirror cut from the Britney cloth.
Comedic narcissism is still narcissism and the greatest pop musicians are never blank, issue free boobie carriers.
Neither are excused for bringing so little authenticity and art to the culture table. So go, Wannabe Sacha Baron Cohen and Dawson’s Creek Season Three replacement for Michelle Williams. Enjoy your exploitation of third world countries as a replacement for actual personality.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010Breaking: The Melbourne Council Responds to Ed Hardy
In the war on douchebaggery, Australia leads the way.
All ‘bag hunters should learn, pay respects and honor the glorious Australian response.
Monday, October 11, 2010‘Baggy Pants: A Scientific Explanation
We interrupt your regularly scheduled HCwDB mocking/oggling with an important scientific update.
‘Baggy Pants douchewalk can now be explained.
Either click on the pic, or click here for a diagramic explanation.
