Oldbag
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Tuesday, November 19, 2013
Old Guy Greg
Old Guy Greg is half way there.
Old Guy Greg is livin’ on a prayer.
No, literally.
He worked at the studio when they recorded that song. As the old guy.
And to think, just last year Awkward Hott Kelly and the Barely Legal Sisters actually worked at the Legal Seafood in Chestnut Hill.
Ironic, given the then-illegality of their haddock.
You thought I was gonna say clams.
Haddock.
Thursday, October 10, 2013When Tattbags Grow Old
Suddenly the old man in the canoe looks very tired.
Wait, what?
I was referring to a tattoo of an old man in a canoe.
What were you thinking?
Tuesday, September 24, 2013Huey Loser and the News Gets Lucky
It’s like some generic lyrical pablum of 1950s-era retread doo-wop suddenly crystallized into literal form, put on some Drakkar Noir, and roofied Vanessa The Hottest Bartender on the South Side of Chicago.
I want a new drug.
One that’ll make me forget this clown ever existed.
Thursday, July 25, 2013Mister Tony Shows Off His Orange Package to the Real Housewives of Suburban Malaise
Yeah. This guy sucks.
Lets move on.
Wednesday, July 24, 2013Mister Tony Goes Pink with Taut Kelly
If you guessed there’d be more Mister Tony pics this week, you win!!
Everybody’s a winner!!
Have a kewpie doll!!
Monday, July 22, 2013Mister Tony Goes Full Hippie
Never go full hippie.
Monday, April 29, 2013Oldbag Tex Wildflower Lives on Borrowed Time
Tex Wildflower may have watched the railroads come in and take out the true spirit of the prairie, but he ain’t goin’ out without at least one more suckle fondle.
And for that, we tip the bridge of our stetson and pour out a glass of some of that tasty Sioux City sarsaparilla in Tex’s honor.
Tuesday, April 23, 2013Old Dudes with Cameras Oggle a Mocha Hott
In a related story, Kenny Rogers.
Friday, March 8, 2013Friday Haiku
“Oh dear…” thought GrampBag,
“I’m afraid it has fallen
And it can’t get up”
Denim mini skirt
Tank top in Viagra blue.
Jump starts Jasper’s heart.
— Douche Wayne
“Hey baby! Wanna
Come back to my place and ride
The hip replacement.
— The Reverend Chad Kroeger
Grandpa was charged with
Assault with a dead weapon
When Cops saw picture
— DoucheyWallnuts
The next morning, they
mixed up his dentures and her
diaphragm. Awkward!
— Douche Wayne
“This isn’t the man
Who shot Liberty Vallance.”
He smells burning toast.
— The Reverend Chad Kroeger
Gramps celebrates Loud !
Learned he won Nigerian
Lottery !! He’s Rich !!
— Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt
Grandpa busts a move
Whilst he busts an artery
And busts his last nut
— DoucheyWallnuts
Friday, January 25, 2013Denim The Menace Brings the GILF
Denim The Menace may be an Olde Bag, but dammit he’s got good tastes in experienced ladies.
Some women age like fine wines. Sure, there are some that say certain ladies age like milk. Or bananas. But not these sultry cougars.
During Year One of my Post-Divorce era, the ‘Sock has hooked up with several wonderful females. In particular, one was 15 years his junior and a total candidate for Victoria Secret’s catalogs. Okay, maybe Frederick’s of Hollywood. But still, young, taut, blonde and down for whatever. And while that fling was fun/stressful…the follow-up palate cleanser with a sultry cougar two decades older than my young playmate blew girly-girl out of the water. And by “water” I mean my lumpy king-size. And by “my lumpy king-size”…well, in this case I am actually talking ’bout my shite mattress that needs replacing.
Should I be mocking silly-ass Denim, his sad soul-patch, and his male osteoporosis? Sure. But I am drawn instead to praise older lovers such as his fine two companions. They know who they are, and they know what they want. Go forth, Denim; pop your Viagra and do your best. And call a doctor if it lasts for more than four hours. Then call your buddies.
And stay tuned after Friday Socks & Links for Pear. All Weekend.
Man your ‘bation stations!
