Orange
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Tuesday, March 22, 2011
The Waikiki Leak
PIC DELETED
Somewhere, on an island off the coast of Hawaii, someone’s releasing previously classified urine onto the internets. And it looks like this guy.
Monday, March 21, 2011Minnesota Marnie Loses a Bet
Dieter likes “zee cherry soda und zee American teevee.”
Tuesday, March 8, 2011Troll Dog
Troll Dog see women?
Troll Dog like women!
Sit, Troll Dog, sit!
Thursday, February 17, 2011Mandarin Orange is Still Mandarin, Still Orange
At least now we’ve confirmed that 2010 Douchie Award finalist for Orangest Orange, (barely losing to Dr. Redderick Lobster), The Mandarin Orange, is still tanning at Nuke ‘Em High.
Oh lithe brunette under eating and slightly malnourished Valerie sisters. Your crazy eyes suggest a steep downhill descent into anti-depressants, child support payments and alternative therapy treatments for most of your 30s. But for now, you “Woo!” with curvy and taut aplomb. And so I approve of your Wooery with lusty gaze and slight thigh itch.
Thursday, February 17, 2011Kylie discovers Male Strippers are Shiny, Tatted and Orange
Yet giggles anyway. So sad.
And, as we know, there’s only one male stripper who’s ever earned a total and complete nottadouche pass for boldness of vision in use of a hot dog bun.
His name is Nick.
Or is it Mr. Dick?
Tom Hanks, take us away.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011Orange Flush
“And Adonai your G-d saw the orange turds circling abovest the Pacific Ocean.
And the Lord said unto the angel Gabriel, ‘Yo Gabriel, flush that shizz, homie!’ And the heavens and earths shook with the Lord’s words! And angel Gabriel did ‘ere flush the Orange Turds from the face of the earth, as Amalek had been sent asunder into the sea before them.
And The Lord your G-d saw the flush of orange as it went below, and knew that it was douchey.”
— The Book of Face Psalms, 25 or 6:4
Thursday, October 21, 2010The Burnt Loaf
Poor Elyse.
Home for a long weekend. Midterms just around the corner.
Then her mom’s best friend’s optometrist’s wife totally new this guy who would, like, be totally perfect for her, because, like, he’s an investment banker and loves to, like, surf. So Elyse said, “Sure? Why not?
And there he is. Burnt Loaf.
There is no social or spiritual justice for the tasty legged giggle blondes of this world.
And so we mock his pre-cancerous skin from afar.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010Pistachio Pavel Ignores Stephanie
Stephanie is all that is tiny nosed about nordic hinterland hottness. She has read a book by Steig Larson. And her hobbies include knitting tiny muffs for cold cats, half-drinking expensive lattes then throwing them away because Oprah is on, and a massive daddy complex.
Pistachio Pete is orange, greasy and burnt.
I need a drink. And it’s only 11am.
But a priest once told me on a golf course after missing the eighteenth hole in a lightning storm that there is no God. So heck with it. Lets drink.
Thursday, September 30, 2010The Golden Bags
Ed Hardy shorts make the Baby Moses spittle.
Monday, May 17, 2010Dr. Redderick Lobster
Who says Long Island podiatrists can’t get down with the ladiez?
