Poolbaggery
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Wednesday, March 9, 2011
There Are Many Things Not Worth Seeing in This Life
Triple X Groin Shave Reveal on a strangely lumpy Oldbag by the pool is one of them.
When Candi on the right giggles, she jiggles. Like Jello. Mmmm. Jello.
So we got that going for us in this pic. Not sure it’s enough.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011The Poos Brothers
They’re on a mission from Chabad.
As to the hottness that is Terézia, I have one thing to say:
Dear Budapest. Thank you for your young women in poverty and without scruples.
Friday, March 4, 2011The Burpbag Squeezes
Every Pool Has One.
One of the easiest tags to identify, the Burpbag can be observed in some form of physical expression of bodily function.
Either popping a squat, regurgitating or doing his taxes in pantomimic form.
Reese Booberspoon may have dominatrix features, but her enhanced curves call to me like a sirenical breastal Greek myth.
And so I pooch with pensive aplomb and without will to resist.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011FYL
I sense an internet meme coming on…
Oh wait, that’s just my bacon frying.
Mmm… bacon. Tastes like pork chop chicken.
Thursday, February 10, 2011Brillo Frankie Does “The Vegas”
I think it’s high time we standardized the greasy faux’d “tough guy” head-knock of hot chick with upraised arm in sideways boobie point as “The Vegas.”
Sheryl Crow’s hotter, younger sister, Cindy Crow, likes to party. And she’s grateful dad loaned her the money for the, uhm, “enhancements. But she still deserves better.
And by better, I mean me, slathering her lower calf muscles with duck sauce and sprinkled with the shattered dreams of suburban mediocrity and genericism.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011Betsy and Bobby and What Angie Doesn’t Know
Betsy knows she should know better than to date another guy like Bobby.
And her bestie, Angie (not pictured), also knows that Betsy should know better than to date another guy like Bobby.
But Angie doesn’t know that Betsy knows that Angie knows that she should know better than to date another guy like Bobby.
So when Betsy dates a guy like Bobby it’s actually because Angie doesn’t know that Betsy knows that Angie knows that Betsy should know better than to date a guy like Bobby.
And that’s how Betsy got Angie back for borrowing her lip gloss and not returning it at Thirty One Flavors last night.
Thursday, February 3, 2011Snidely Whiprash Douches Up the Jacuzzi
Condoucious Says: Judge not the douchey tatt by its size. For it is meaning that matters, not just inksplat stupidhead. And Mindy’s body is freakin’ tight.
Well said, oh wise Condouchious. Well said. Although those may be marker lines, and not an actual tatt.
Coundoucious Says: Like I give a crap. Mindy’s body is ubergnaw.
True, Condouchious. Very true.
Monday, January 24, 2011The Waterbug
Continuing our recent theme of douchebags and hot chicks in the pool, meet The Waterbug.
Your typical fifth year Senior at a non-accredited university on spring break, scooping up Tasty Tonya in the pool, while wearing the unforgivable “hat + sunglasses + Jesus Bling in a swimming pool” choadwankery.
Still, The Waterbug would only be on the middle end of the douche scale. A stage-2 or 3-er.
But then he had to go and give us the tongue.
Tasty Tonya is a glorious doe eyed and firm gluted minx that deserves better.
And by better, I mean me, slavishly tickling her uvula with a pinky toe while the soundtrack to Twin Peaks plays at quarter speed.
Thursday, January 20, 2011Prinze
Dearly beloved…
We are gathered here today to get through this thing called douche. Electric word, douche. It means stupid sunglasses. And that’s a mighty stupid thing. But I’m here to tell you, there’s something else. The boobie reveal. A reveal of never ending bounciness. You can always see the boob, day or night.
So when u call up that shrink in Beverly Hills, you know the one – Dr Douchebegone. Instead of asking him why Vegas is filled with scrotewank,
ask him why boobies beckon with primal call.
And…. scene.
Friday, January 14, 2011Peter Orangeshorts
So what have we learned from this pic?
Ed Hardy makes orange velcro shorts.
And Tammy really, really, and with frequent sessions to talk about it in therapy, has daddy issues.
