Pudwack
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Tuesday, September 21, 2010
JaBooty
JaBooty wanted to take time out of proving his hip-hop bonafides to Carly and Kimmy at the Back to School party at Wellesley College to address all of us.
What did you want to say, JaBooty?
JaBooty: Y’all keep talkin’ smack, yo! Ya know, I mays not have any of that fancy stuff like a “college degree,” or “income,” or a “job,” or a fully functioning cerebral cortex. But I got somethin’ ways betts!
What’s that, JaBooty?
JaBooty: I gots inner peace! And a Tootsie pop for lates when I get hungry walkin’ home. Stupid bus fare increase.
Anything else you’d like to tell the readers of HCwDB, JaBooty?
JaBooty: Y’all ain’t got nothin’ on me! I’m like King Kong! King Kong ain’t got nothin’ on me! I saw that in a movie once.
Was it “Training Day”?
JaBooty: Naw, it was some porno. Hey, you got any potato chips?
Not right now.
JaBooty: I likes potato chips.
Friday, September 3, 2010Black Bikini Heals All
After that Meanclown Sandwich in the Haiku, we need a little bikini hott with some relatively innocuous pudsters to cool us down.
Rayven in the middle cures lupus and gangrene with boobie suckle thigh power. Hers are the shoulders of ubergnaw.
Her younger sister, Kelly, ain’t so bad neither. Text me after midterms, Kelly. There’s a ragin’ kegger. Somewhere I’m sure. I just don’t know about it. Because I’ve been out of college for well over a decade now.
A special hearty handshake from the collective unconscious goes out to the inventor of tiny jean shorts unbuttoned to reveal bikini bottom.
Lets us all bow our heads and give thanks to Adonai, Gaia, Lilith, and JSUBBR (Jean Shorts Unbutton Bikini Bottom Reveal).
Monday, August 30, 2010The Club Moes Voted
The Club Moes took time out of spending their parents money on overpriced club validation meant to cover the drifting aimlessness of their early 20s to vote in the HCwDB of the Week.
Have you voted yet?
Thursday, August 26, 2010Brothabag Clive and Popsicle Pete Show Trina Their Undies
C’mon, people.
Those Bunker Hill Community College applications won’t fill themselves out.
Thursday, August 26, 2010Brad Pudt
Brad Pudt macks the serious a-list hottie huntin’ game in Austin, yo.
Just ask Eliza. She thinks his Jesus Bling and highly original tattoos are the raddest thing this side of the electronic bull down at “Dave’s Rodeo.”
Alls I can tell you, Eliza, is don’t make Brad Pudt point.
For he will point.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010Danny the Scrub
Sometimes we forget what an average, real world, Midwestern choadscrub looks like.
Appendix tatts, unjustified shirtlessness, stupid glasses, hand gestures, and a giant crotchstain. Danny is scrub.
Jessica is perky, slightly dull, and faces a long future in middle management. But, for now, her perfectly youthful body of youthful joy, and her strange desire to take her pants off at a concert, deserves applause and gnaw.
And a happy 80th to Sean Connery, who forever earns a permanent nottadouche simply for starring in Zardoz.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010Stars and ‘Bags
Okay, for indulging my long-winded academic rant in the previous post, you deserve a reward.
Have some Aqua Pear.
Thursday, August 19, 2010Tommy Pudwack
Tommy Pudwack rules the ladies of the 12th grade Senior Dance at Westlake.
His parents may be, like, a doctor and a lawyer, but he’s keepin’ it real regardless. Cuz he gots mad game, yo!
Michelle, Maria and Marnie giggle like schoolgirls. Then they have pillowfights and rub each other with peach marmalade.
And on a semi-unrelated note, for the football fans among us, here’s last year’s Brett Favre Douchebag of the Month award writeup. Still applies.
