Pudwack
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Thursday, April 21, 2011
Tiny Taut Tonya Still Out There, Still With Sexy Abs, Still with Douchebags
Yesterday we met Tiny Taut Tonya hangin’ with the Strapperbag.
Today we learn that while her tautness remains of firm haunch and bitable suckle thigh, she also hangs with barely pubescent douchewanks like Tommy Wank.
The misguided notions of the Taut Hott befuddles me.
My HoHos taste pensive and reflective.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011The Shirtstains Mack on Pocahontas Cutie
You be starin’? You be in trouble, yo.
Freddy will take you down with a fingerpoint.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011Ziggy the Sneery Mug Guy
It’s like, ironical, yo. Like on that show.
Make it in every pic and the ladies’ll giggle and dig the sunglasses and maybe Ziggy’ll finally get some of that mythical ass he’s read so much about. In books. And magazines.
Oh Linda. Your eyes betray your innocence and fear. Like a youngly born fawn stepping uponst the dewdropped dappled summer hillsenvolgen. I would lick your kneecaps.
Thursday, April 7, 2011American Idiot
Billie Joe Armstrong just wrote a musical about redundant points.
Oh wait, he actually did.
Thursday, April 7, 2011Alex Rodweenus Makes “The Redundant Point”
Okay maybe I’m pissed that the Red Sox are the most craptastically overhyped disappointment since JarJar nuked the fridge, so I’m gonna take it out on Yankee Fan #2 here.
Yeah, you, Billy.
We haven’t properly mocked the Redundant Douche Point in awhile. So it’s worth making this salient point about our photographically obsessed culture once again.
No need to point at said Hot Chick.
We know.
Your restatement of the obvious + smug face (+ Yankee cap) = stage-2 douche violation. Your z-neck shirt makes you shoescrape.
Monday, April 4, 2011Kevin the Loverrr
It’s important to Kevin that you pronounces his name correctly. He is not “Kevin the Lover.” He is “Kevin the Loverrrr.” You must roll the “r.” Like you’re choking on a peach pit.
The Crazy Eyes Carla Cousins suffer from both A.D.H.D. and panic attacks. So do not be concerned when they roll up your bar tab north of 200 dollars while talking about how daddy never told them he loved them and they someday dream to host a show “like Oprah.”
It’s worth it.
For the night will end with you holding back their hair while they puke in the bathroom of the nearby “Gas n’ Go.”
But for the chance to get a pokey peek at Carla #2’s heaving red bosom as that Mai Tai returns to the ocean from whence it came, it’s heartily and spiritually worth it.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011Caption Omar’s Thought
“Is the shortest distance between two points still a line in a four dimensional curved universe? And why is there a red bump on my peepee?”
Monday, March 28, 2011Tapless in Seattle
I sense a wacky rom-com written by an Ephron and with a score by Harry Connick Jr. At some point Rosie O’Donnell will show up and make wisecracks.
And then I will commit seppuku.
Monday, March 28, 2011Justin Timberfake
He’s bringing douchey back.
Pumped up Heidi will smack my bare bottom with a ruler. Because I didn’t finish my porridge.
Thursday, March 24, 2011Vinnie Celebrates HCwDB Turning 5
Only four days late. The Real Housewives of Sherman Oaks are only mildly amused.
