Pudwack
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Thursday, March 24, 2011
Johnny Tonguebag
One of the hardest douches to tag in the wild, the rare and elusive Tonguebag only comes out when the hills are swollen with rain and supple spank.
EDIT: The ‘Baghunters pay tribute to the jibblies of curvaceous mound in the comments thread:
Deltus: I would handwalk across the men’s bathroom floor at a Metallica concert and then sissy-slap an incontinent rhino just for the opportunity to dry hump the salesperson who sold her that dress.
Hermit: I’d suck the tiny droplets of cranberry juice which ooze from betwixt her heaving milk vessels, using a kiln-fired straw molded by a lesbian, hairy potter, from clay scraped off the tires of a ‘97 Land Rover which has just returned from a tour of bowling ball manufacturing facilities in the Holy Lands.
Monday, March 21, 2011More St. Patty’s Day Fallout
While a number of readers submitted pics of drunk wankholes attempting to douche it up for hot chicks this past St. Patrick’s Day, few qualified as true HCwDB, as most were just bridge and tunnel flotsam in mid pukosity.
Which, come to think of it, actually is true HCwDB. But still.
But something about Waiter Juan’s kissy lips, and Irene’s doe-eyed confusion of perfect taut suckle bottom, reminds us why holidays were invented in the first place — state sanctioned mating calls.
Monday, March 21, 2011Hipster Sammy is Angry About his Cous-Cous
Young Kelly McGillis sees real genius in his flying. And by flying, she means ability to beer burp the theme from “The Jeffersons.”
Wednesday, March 16, 2011Sorority Cynthia Made a Bad Choice for Spring Break
Sorry Cynthia. Should’ve gone with your besties to Cabo rather than Tijuana with Mike. The lice will take months to delouse. The crabs, even longer.
The Screaming Oh
Look closely… do you see it?…
There!… In the corner of Jennifer’s eye…
You see it right?…
That brief glimmer of recognition that accepting Jeffrey The Hardware Store Owner’s marriage proposal was a horrible, horrible mistake.
Sorry, Jennifer. All that awaits you in your future now are repetitive shopping trips to CostCo, SUVs in the driveway, the sound of lawnmowers all day, and nasty pre-teen children who, like, totally hate you both.
Monday, March 7, 2011Scoliosis Joel
Everywhere Scoliosis Joel walks, a midget trumpet player follows behind him, playing “Barrrrruhhhmp bump bump…. Barrruhhhmp bump bump…” in time with his footsteps.
Or, at least, that’s the world I want to live in.
Margarita’s mother played a Bond girl in “You Only Live Twice,” but her modeling career hasn’t gone so well since she moved here from Antverp.
Sadly, she finds herself clinging to fresh squeezed vegetable juice elixirs and men with bad credit rating.
But she’ll keep trying. She’s sure the payoff is just around the corner.
Thursday, March 3, 2011Danny Mandana Has a Thought
It involves Danny’s love for Bud Light Lime and vague confusion about why he feels funny when he watches “300” on dvd.
Jennifer thinks ironic douchery is amusing. Jennifer has life lessons to learn.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011Mutty
Like an abused chihuahua, Mutty may not have the power of speech. Or even the use of opposable thumbs.
But he’ll follow Maryanne around in the club while whining until she lets him hump her leg.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011Homies Who Say “Yo”
Oh Vanessa and Katie.
How horribly wrong your night out has gone.
What stories of woe you’ll tell your besties Senior Year when you look back on Freshman orientation. For you did not heed the legend of the Homies Who Say “Yo.”
And so you shall suffer the consequences of youthful mistake. With awkward boob grab and puke in the back seat of your Honda that, like, its smell just won’t go away even after you used, like, two cans of Glade.
Monday, February 28, 2011The Unabagger
Somewhere… in a cabin in a woods in rural Montana… one lone doucher plots… to be “da bomb.”
