Putz
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Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Headband Harry Ignores Tasty Lacy Due to Preoccupation With his Taxes
Headband Harry just can’t figure out whether or not gel crust remover qualifies as an itemized deduction for his Limited Liability Corporation, “Fluffers Anonymous.”
Tasty Lacy causes cherubic manchild angels to prance around in states of various undress, for her taut suckle thigh has the trampolinic symbolisim of late Etruscan sculpture pooch.
Tuesday, January 15, 2013Shminky and the Boozer Chicks of Cell Block 9
Now that’s a 1980s b-movie I’d watch on Cinemax at 2am.
Which brings up the whole question of at what point slutty bar ladies cross-over from sexy, trashy, carnal hott party girls who get overly excited when Guns n’ Roses plays on the jukebox into boozy, hoarse, chain-smoking, leathery skinned moms who juggle restraining orders like popcorn.
I’d say the dividing line occurs somewhere in their early 30s. And is best signified by the 2am switch from beer to Jack Daniels.
Monday, September 24, 2012The Pear Bomber Strikes Again
Who knows what doucheyness lies in front of the pears of women… The Pear Bomber knows…
Thursday, August 30, 2012M Dawg Gut Punches the Baby Tebus
Douche of the soul is a festering rot, and M Dawg pukes it in spades.
The Ladies of the 3pm-9pm Tuesday shift at the Platinum Club regret nothing. Except that one thing. You know what. Lets not talk about it. The bathrooms at the Ladies Foot Locker still smell like cinnamon.
Wednesday, July 11, 2012Sombrero Mike Loves Lavo
I’m guessing Lavo is his pet ferret. Anyone else?
Mmmm… Slender Margruita. How your shiney and freshly washed hair smells faintly of Herbal Essence and calcified water. I judge not your nasal lilt, for your doe eyes bespeak sunrises of pooch slap and thigh suckle with a margarita chaser. No salt. Beaches of butt poke, and an overpriced bill from a surly waiter.
Tuesday, July 3, 2012Victoria Points Out the Weenus
Most of you don’t know this, but Doctor Seuss’s “The Weenus Loves His Penis” was a best selling children’s novel in Bratvaria in the 1880s.
With sales of 3,500 lithographs, “The Weenus Loves His Penis” ranked just ahead of The Brothers Grimm’s classic tale of country mischief and the problem with greedy Jews, “The Jew Among the Thorns.”
And yes, that’s a real link. The past is not so golden, said the scorpion to the frog.
Monday, May 21, 2012Jack Largeman and Paid-to-Reveal Kourtney Voted in the HCwDB of the Month
In a related story: Jewschbags. Or, to paraphrase Hannah Arendt, The Banality of Weevils.
Wednesday, May 16, 2012The Putzshmuck Hits on Daria
As the great Lenny Bruce once said, “Hey! What’s with this putzshmuck hitting on Daria?”
I’m paraphrasing, of course.
