Reader Mail
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Thursday, March 17, 2011
Reader Mail: The Britbag
Count Bagula writes in with the spreading Jerz Virus in Britain:
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Dear DB1,
Apparently MTV is the bringing the dose of televisual herpes known as Jersey Shore to the UK…the show will be known as Geordie Shore. Why set this show in the North-East of England, you may ask?
This cardigan-wearing, chest-shaving, wannabe-Situation is the answer. His friends look on in awkward confusion as he speaks of ‘GTL for life’, ‘a Jesus piece’ and ‘bitches’…all they want to do is enjoy a quiet pint with the girls who’ve lived on their block since they were all 3 years old. Sadly, the Solo Bag lowers the tone. A dark day indeed.
– Count Bagula
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Britbags have been there for as long as fist pumping took viral club flight. The Jersey Shore is merely the signifier, not the sign.
Mmm… I salute the Brit Hotts from my wanderings in London a few years ago. Awkward, shy, alcoholic and boozy flirts, the birds of London may not be as hott as the ladies of the Eastern Bloc, but they sure can stumble out of a pub at 2am and then let me pooch their anklets by Harrods.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011Reader Mail: Carole Writes In From Japan
Reader Carole writes in with an email from post-tsunami Japan:
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Subject: Thank you for Christopher Walken video
Dear Sir,
I live in Japan, about 100km from areas totally wiped out by the tsunami and the earthquake on Friday. I have been without power or water since then, but today I got internet access for about an hour. Ive been using twitter to contact people, but today I got to a laptop to check news sites. I also checked your site because I do that every week. Friday is my favourite day because of the thoughts and links. The Christopher Walken video you posted today made me laugh. Thank you, because it’s been a living nightmare here. I can’t explain the destruction because I can’t process it. But today i felt like I got a shred of sanity back because I laughed at your site. I know many people email hate to you and your site, but I’m sending love.
Thank you,
– Carole
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I don’t mention the real world too often in our little collective corner of silliness on the web, but my thoughts are with you Carole, and all the people in Japan. Here’s some more to keep your spirits up: Walken reads Gaga.
Thursday, March 10, 2011Reader Mail: Kanye, Liv and Fashionbaggery
‘Bag huntress Anabelle writes in with an important celebutag:
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*gets herself together*
*vomits*
In a perversion of fashion, art imitates life imitates all that is rancid and douche. Fashion has always been a ridiculous circus, and Liv Tyler ALMOST ruined my favorite sci-fi book of all time so I hate her anyway (thank you William Gibson, for dodging that bullet), but I stumbled across this on the internet and it hit me in a really visceral way that the war against douche has only just begun.
Kanye West and Liv Tyler were caught wearing the same EdHardy inspired, GIVENCHY designed t-shirt during Paris fashion week.
DB1, is this a freak incident or are we bound to see more respectable, ground-breaking, classy designers go the way of the Grieco?
Unsettled
Wants to Unsee
– Anabelle
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It is a sign that our war on the douchepocalypse is entering a dangerous and ominous time, ‘bag huntress. But for the shout-out to William Gibson and the important work you’re doing in mocking from afar, do not give up hope.
We fight on. Together.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011Reader Mail: Jason Adler is Unclear on the Concept
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Many of the stores we work with are looking for bags like yours but they need better pricing. Can you offer discounts if larger orders are placed?
If you can wholesale your products would be a good fit. For more info go to http://www.sellbeyond.com/sellers.php We guarantee sales.
Sincerely,
Jason Adler
Director of Merchandising
SellBeyond
21520 Yorba Linda Blvd, Suite G
Yorba Linda, CA 92887
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Any warehouse to ship ‘bags in large discount orders would have to be established in Long Island.
And by ship ‘bags, I mean overseas. Preferably to a small island without internet service or females.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011Flirting with Champagne Katie
HCwDB of the Week Hott winner Champagne Katie’s threats to prosecute this site resulted in a number of ‘bag hunters seeking her out to reason with her.
Reader Kennedy writes in asking if, while acting as an emirate for the site, hitting on the hott is also okay:
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Subject: Please don’t hate me for lovin on Champagne Katie
Or Friending and chatting with her. Think I brought her around to the Bag-huntin lifestyle.
But if you must call me out for doucheitude, don’t use my current FB pic. That’s my sister, man. Family occasion. Please accept this Halloween pic of the classic Cell Cam in Mirror instead.
But mainly hope you’ll give me a nottadouche hall pass and let me go in peace to sin some more.
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The Douchadox is a powerful force, one in which ‘bag hunter is both attracted to, and repelled by, the Bleeth. Struggle with it, you must, Grasshopper. The decision must be made by you and you alone.
On a related note, reader Oliver Wendell Douche, a real lawyer in Austin, Texas, has agreed to represent HCwDB, pro bono, in the case of “Champagne Katie V. HCwDB. Here is OWD’s official letter of response.
Monday, February 28, 2011Champagne Katie Can’t Wait to Prosecute Against This Site
HCwDB of the Week hott winner Champagne Katie responds to HCwDB in the comments threads:
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I can’t wait to prosecute against this site! By the way my name is janira who ever put this up better be making money. I did not give permision for my picture to be put up on this dumb ass shit people get a life seriously this is what I call people and dumb asses with no life.
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Not only did I put up this site, but I recently discovered commas.
Monday, February 14, 2011Reader Mail: ‘Bag Hunters of Legend
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DB1,
Greetings from Canada. Just got married over New Year’s and wanted to share a couple of pics with you.
As a long time fan of your website, and as someone who’s introduced several of my siblings and close buddies to your pointed social commentary, caustic mock and stylistic meanderings, I decided to forgo the usual wedding party presents and instead opted for the gift that keeps on giving. All the groomsmen were pleased with their shiny new
copies of HCwDB the Book.
Keep up the fine work. It’s a lonely struggle, but I’ve got full
confidence you (we) will one day persevere. As the old fable teaches us, at the end of the race, the tortoise gets the Hott and the douchebag hare gets chlamydia. Or something like that.
The Douche of Hazard
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I am honored, humbled and pleased by your inclusion of my book in your wedding party, TDoH. (gratuitous plug: available on sale right now at Amazon.com).
Therefore, I hereby bestow and knight each member of your wedding party with the following honor: You are each, now and forever, ‘Bag Hunters of Legend.
Go forth untoward the Hotts, and carry on the Mock of all things Scrotal as newly minted knights in our continuing battle on the choadal plague.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011Reader Mail: We Are Pitiful and Pathetic for Insulting Them
From last week’s Winged Shirts thread:
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Why do you guys honestly insult men and women you know nothing about? You’re all just basing your attacks on the assumption that these men are the same guys who beat on you in high school which is actually usually the opposite of what occurs. Typically, the men that are this dedicated to aesthetics were scrawny or overweight during their adolescence and this is their way of overcompensating for the imbalance of the social life in public school.
You people are pitiful and pathetic for insulting them. You’re also most likely envious and let’s not forget that even if half of what they are wearing is “gayer than Elton Jon”, they’re still looked up upon in comparison to you.
— Just an Ordinary Man
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Since you’ve provided no spelling errors for me to mock, JaOM, I will only note that anyone who defines narcissistic body display as “aesthetics,” or comes up with lame pseudo-Freudian excuses for pumped up pool-clowns involving theoretical childhood trauma, is a puffed up weenie ween.
Neener neener.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011Reader Mail: Retro Douchery
Inspired by Sunday’s clip of 80s classic Just One of the Guys, comes this email tag from the heartland:
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Greetings from the Heartland of America!
I know what you’re thinking, douches in the Midwest? Never. Well the scrotes from the coasts have invaded and they have hit the jugular of the United States with force.
WE NEED YOUR HELP.
This is what happens when you throw an innocent get together at your house. That guy on the right? My roommate. Please oh please let him know what he is doing to himself. I’ve tried, many ah time, but he is too daft.
Sincerely,
– The First Secretary of the Non-Douchery
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The first step of the mock, TFSotND, must be taken at your end. I can only highlight the stupid shirtless cherry tattedness in presence of the barely legals. You must take it from there.
Friday, January 28, 2011Reader Mail: Melissa Went to High School With The Starry Blight
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First off, I want to tell you how much I love this site. It has brought me hours of tearful laughter and joy. I even had a Hot Chicks With Douchebags themed birthday party a couple years ago.
Now, I went to high school with this douchebag. A few days ago a friend of mine that I went to high school with forwarded me the link to his Facebook page. It was amazing. Instantly, this website popped into my head.
He was a skeevy little slimeball then, and it’s nice to see that not much has changed. The more things change, the more they stay the same right?
-Dyed spiky hair? check
-HUGE Tattoo of poor quality of his own name on his torso? Check
-Overpriced outfits that scream “I’m just trying too hard?” Check
-The same creepy cold serial rapist expression in every picture? CHECK!
I would like you to understand how hard it was to just pick three pictures of this supreme douche nugget.
Enjoy.
– Melissa
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Excellent tag, Melissa. The Blight, aka “The King of Sears,” along with his tasty Bleethy Hello Kitty Hott, is fast becoming a scrotal legend.
