Reader Mail
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Thursday, January 27, 2011
Reader Mail: Amy’s Bucklehead Tag
PIC DELETED
Amy writes in with a story of strange mutant douchewankery:
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Ok, so I am a hot tattooed chick that frequents the local goth club with my hot girlfriends to go dancing on occasion.
Over the years I have come to know this particular ‘subject’ I am sending you photos of, because he is CONSTANTLY lurking around me and my friends. It is so gross. This guys has even shown up at my work – FOR NO REASON but to look at my boobs.
I have started calling him ‘Predator’ and sometimes ‘Sam the Eagle’ (depending on how much makeup he is wearing to give him that ‘unibrow look’.)
This guy is such an attention-starved man whore that clips foam in his hair.
I would tell you his name, but I do not want to take the risk of anyone recognizing that someone he knows submitted pics of him. Let’s just say he adds a ‘z’ somewhere in his name to be cool.
Anyways, I LOVE your site and have been a loyal reader for a few years now. It would amuse me to death to see him added to the list. There are many more photos where these came from, but he tends to take more homoerotic- type douchebag photos with males than females.
– Amy
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Good work Amy, and I’m pleased to add you to the ‘bag tagging list.
Although I’m not sure what this pic you’ve provided represents.
I would like to mock as douche, but I’m just frightened and vaguely cold.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011Reader Mail: “First They Came for the Douchebags…”
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Dearest DB1,
It is my pleasure to tell you that I have followed the teachings of Your Humble Narrator for quite some time now. yet I have never quite built up the gusto to comment, or email the DB1 with matters regarding the growing plague that surrounds me.
This changed immediately after my eyes were set upon the inglorious quadrilateral of taint that is “Carla and The Bros.” For I had realized that I knew one of the scrotestains within said picture, though for reasons of anonymity I shall not specify, and merely state that it was not Sabio.
Which brings me to my second revelation, and subsequent inquiry.
Having recognized one of “The Bros”, I then came to realize that an associate of his happens to be somewhat of a friend of mine.
This friend tends to exhibit the physical qualities of a level II or even level III bag at times, yet always appears incredibly sociable, and is quite kind towards the non-scrotey comrades I possess. I have nary the will to bring this to his attention, as he is incredibly large, and has provided his physical presence to assist me when other ‘bags act hostile towards myself, and my cadre.
How can I persuade this individual to subtly abandon the Tales of the Taint?
Or is overt mocking the only solution?
Requesting your guidance,
-Channing Taintum
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When one’s friend, co-worker or associate turns into ‘bag, the answer is never direct confrontation, C.T.
Mocking, from a safe distance and with the aid of a laser pointer, will help to enlighten all friends, neighbors, and gnaw hotties as to the silliness of his scrotey ways.
Eventually, cultural shift will force the choadwank to reform on his own.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011Sabio Says If You Have a Wife or a Girlfriend That Doesn’t Look Like a Man Give Him a Call
“Sabio,” not pictured here but one of The Bros ™ from Monday’s Carla and The Bros ™, responds in the comments thread:
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This is a great pic !!!
I am reading this from my balcony in Mexico overlooking the ocean . I must say I have had a great laugh at all your comments .
Enjoy making comments on your computer screen , while I am out here having fun with tons of girls who think my body is amazing !!
To me the only homos are you fags taking the time to beat off to my picture , while you sit in your miserable little room at your moms house.
Your jealous because you only can wish you had a life like mine , 3 months a year in Mexico , and more girls in a week then all you pathetic homos have in a life time .
Cheers , enjoy your shitty day and pathetic lives !
Ps. I get off on the hate so this is just making me laugh , it’s classic !!
When you look like me, losers like you are insignificant , your just plain comedy 🙂
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And a short while later:
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You humor me you pathetic losers we live in Cancun Mexico for 3 months a year in a million dollar condo while u losers freeze in the cold winter in you rental apartment and all you talk about is gay this and gay that that makes you feel better as if you had a wife or girlfriend you notice I say IF u had a girlfriend or wife they would be fixated on f#cking me not u losers and if you have a wife or girlfriend that doesn’t look like a man give me a call and I will show u how to f#ck her so she doesn’t have to stare at the ceiling and fake like she does every night with u
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You know who also liked to stare at the ceiling and fake? Hitler.
Monday, January 17, 2011“The Ninja In the Picture” Responds to HCwDB’s Hatters
Last week’s Yo Guy Says “Yo!” responds to the Hatters:
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THE NINJA IN THE PICTURE said…
First off….. F#ck all of yall, you can kiss my asian ass, dont be hatin because you could never find girls like my friends to even give you the time of the day….. f#cking losers find something better to do besides sitting on the computer to looking to find some hot girls to jack off too….. Same goes to the mother f#cker that created this website, you lame f#ck!!!.
I live in Austin TX, come find me and hurtle a fist towards your face!!!
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In High School, I almost set the school record for the fifty yard Hurtle A Fist Towards Your Face. But at the last minute, the East German judge disqualified me for trying to find some hot girls to jack off too.
Friday, January 14, 2011Reader Mail: Irish Musclebag
Reader Antibleeth writes in from Ireland with a Musclebag Tag:
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DB1
This is ‘Corven’, a semi professional wrestler in Ireland… whos real name is Colin.
He get shirtless at every opportunity, even in the irish weather and upon meeting people for the first time he insists they feel his abs and/or biceps. He is a man of few words, though enjoys listing each of his individual muscles with each given their own adjective (such as terrific triceps, brilliant biceps etc).
He claims to have slept with 52 women during one summer… in spain, so there is no evidence. He has 15″ biceps, so I am reliably and aggressively told.
Douche. Bag.
— Antibleeth
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Something tells me stories of sexual adventures in Spain is to Ireland what the greater Niagara Falls Area was to nerds before The Breakfast Club came out and killed it.
Monday, November 1, 2010Halloween HCwDB Pics Comin’ In
I decided not to do an official Halloween HCwDB contest, mainly because with Jersey Shore having flooded the cultural consciousness, it’s hard to argue the hottie/douchey Halloween costume is solely our province anymore.
That being said, some great hottie/douchey costumes have come in already (this genius “mandana and annoyed hott cat chick” courtesy of reader ipkiss).
So if you or a loved one went as something appropriating the ‘bags and hotts we mock on HCwDB, send me your stuff.
As readers have pointed out, this costume also appears to be that of the legendary Antoine Dodson. Who is not a douche. He’s a musical genius.
Saturday, October 30, 2010HCwDB Halloween 2010
If you and your loved one are considering going in HCwDB tandem for Halloween this weekend, take costumic inspiration from previous years.
2009:
The HCwDB Comments Threads regulars for HCwDB Halloween:
Memphis Doucheworkers Local 421 and his Lady busts some quality Halloween HCwDB
Army of Doucheness does Gunter
Army of Doucheness’s Gunter #2. Scary good work, AoD. Now sing me “Summer Holiday.”
Archidouchies busts some classic HCwDB stylin’
Major Malfunction and Lady bust the Bra!! Gunshow, complete with Startatt
Reader Mike and Boozy Hott recreate “Chug Life,” with URC watching
Douchebag Mike goes full-on faux to amuse an Asian Hott
And in Pic #2, DBag Mike HCwDBs with a Bunny
Douchey Douche manages to get double-pop and arm tatts into his costume for his lady
And Ubiquitous Anonymous Lurker goes solo Orange
Other reader submitted pics:
Reader Red and his Lady do some Bathroom Doggie ‘Baggin’
If Grant didn’t have the fake arms, I’d be running him and his lady hott in a Weekly.
Eric and his Bro assure me this really was for Halloween
Anon assures me this really was him and his girlfriend doing ‘Jerz HCwDB’, although it’s so real it’s frightening.
Spiro creeps me out in a hotel hallway
Michael brings the Vegas Power Douche
Pat and his Lady Hott are just a little too convincing as Inland Empire HCwDB
Sleiman and his ‘Boyz’ fail to convince me they haven’t done this before
Tyler brings fuel in case he runs out of energy
Reader Greg Busts some Hott Hott and Douchey Douche.
Charles oranges it up at a ‘Ween house party
Alex and his Girl bring the ingenious ‘Cross Dressing HCwDB’
Blaque Jesus does the Mirror ‘Bag
Chris M and Girlfriend go full orange
An Anon Reader busts ‘Kissylips Dancer’
Monica and her Man provide before/after evidence of the HCwDB transformation
Ari and his ‘Boyz’ nail the DB but forget the HC
Bonobo and his Hott also bust classic HCwDB
Charles brings the Heineken
Kristen dresses up her boyfriend as ‘Armybag’
Brandon and His Girl bust HCwGGW
Brotha L.B. and his Magic Lady mock Yuppie Douche
Matt mixes metaphors with ‘Fidel Castro Douche’
Brian achieves truly spectacular ‘Pink Pop Collar,’ as well as wins the Best Halloween Douche Utility Belt Award
Captain S.P. brings his Army Hott along for the ride
Telly and his Lady go ‘Hot Mermaid with Power Douche’
Another Brian busts Rockerbag
Scott and his Lady do ‘The Jerz’
Chaz and his Lady bring the Literal Summers Eve
But wait, there’s more!
Chocolate Douche reminds us the Brothas can mock the Brothabags too
Chris with the brilliant ‘Hello My Name is Douchebag’ snags a Tall Cornfed Hott at the party
Cort gets into his D.B. persona with some awesome kissy lips
Drake and Girlfriend do ‘Hot Dorothys with Douchebags’
Evan and ‘Bro’ bring the West Coast ‘Bag, along with their girl’s ‘Sexy Cop’
Sean and Becky do ‘Hot Sailorettes with Douchebags’
Gordo writes in from Canada where he busts some D.J. Douche with Barely Legal Hott
Graeme goes solo douche with some Homemade Ed Hardy
Hoboken Brian busts Jerz
Hugh and his Ladies Bring the ‘Ween Party up to HCwDB standards
Not quite HCwDB, exactly, but here’s Halloween Nerd/Hott Google.
Josh and Friend take HCwDB to 11
Lance and his Lady’s Costume are so good, they scared their dog
2009 was a banner year for HCwDB costumes. But 2008 wasn’t so shabby neither.
2008:
1. KH and Asian Sailorette storm the beaches at Douchemandy.
2. Brett M Guidos it Up in style.
3. Carson Y Macks. And then muscles it up to some boobies.
4. Cathie B brings the Winehouse while her boyfriend busts ‘Bag.
5. Cory B’s costume is so good, I almost ran it as a real pic.
6. Crissy and her boyfriend bring tremendous hottie/douchey forces into play.
7. Seth M busts literal signage, multi-colors and two hotts. Good work, Seth.
8. The Anti-Douche and his Hott overwhelm with a perfect Halloween combo.
9. Tom L and his Smokin’ Hott are almost too realistic. Are you sure this is Halloween?
10. I’m not convinced Dante is really in costume. But the limo is genius.
10a. Cim’s costume finds the key to the DB1’s heart.
And here’s a sampling of some of the other notable submits:
Baggin M ‘bags it up.
Brian C gets down.
Dante and his Boyz formed a Halloween douche posse.
Donk Diggler goes to town.
Gaw says “Whassup?”
Erik K is orange.
FSDU’s Douche Costume is minimal but his hott is for real. Goddamn.
Frankie forgets the Hott but makes a helluva douche.
Les Douches are actually kind of scaring me.
Double X has the costume, but where are the kissy lips?
Paul A earns a kiss for his costumed douchosity.
Billy B has the perfect costume and sidekick, but no hotts, sadly.
The Minnesotans know how to mock the douche.
Michael M goes “Double Pop” with a Sailor Cutie in tow.
Steve Makes Kissy Lips with a Naughty Nun.
Jordan J’s Tatts look just a tad too real to be costumey douche.
Billy B Busts a Move
LL is a Douche Bandit with yet another Sailor Hott.
GT and Alice make a surreal hott/douche coupling.
Here’s Mike and Randy, who just sent me one last pic to make the cut.
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I love reruning these links on the site, so much genius work. In the age of The Jersey Shore, it’ll never be just us again. But remember when you see all those “Situation” and “J-Woww” costumes tonight, who was there first.
Reader Mail: “Hotts in the Sticks”
Bigheaded DB Basher objects to my statement that there aren’t many hotts in the American rural hickland, and submits this pic as proof.
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DB1,
I have been a loyal follower of your site for two or three years now and have loved it up until today. The quote “theres not that many hotts in the country”?? I’ll leave you with this pic. Keep fighting the good fight, but lay off of our ladies or the South will rise again!!!!
-Bigheaded DB basher
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Fair enough, BDBb. I would Robert her E.Lees and then softly, tenderly, and with great repose, Jefferson each of her Davises.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010Reader Mail: Heather Tags a Redneckbag
Heather writes in from Florida after snapping this pic at a concert:
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not a visible HCwDB combo since they were hidden by redneck accessories but I thought I’d share with you a strange oversized Lynyrd Skynyrd concert douchebag!
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I’ll forgo the usual hottie/douchey requirements for a first person ‘bag tag of this much hilarity. We don’t get a lot of rural Redneckbags on the site, but they are out there. There just ain’t a lot of hotties in the sticks.
Saturday, October 23, 2010No More “HCwDB Not Quite After Dark”
The lady from Wednesday’s “HCwDB Not Quite After Dark” writes in:
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please remove my picture that i did not give you permission to put up.
I want that picture off your website.
The picture I want taken off is from wendsday oct 20, 2010.
I want to know who got the picture and where from since it was from my own page and i took the picture personally!
Its the picture that says Not Quite After Dark.
My boyfriend was furious and if we need to press charges we will.
Again I ask that you take down the photo as those are MY friends and THAT IS ME in the middle of MY FRIENDS! They are not douche bags!
Take it down!
Thankyou
— Loventhesurf
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Yourwelcome.
Perhaps you’ll change your mind by Toosday?
