Reader Mail
-
Friday, October 1, 2010
More Responses to Toronto’s Kleenex Mafia
Toronto’s douchal infection has provoked much debate on HCwDB and many emails. Reader L.L. writes in with another perspective:
————
Hey there,
I live in Toronto and know the kleenex douches. One thing you need to emphasize about these guys is that they in fact are not from Toronto or Canada at all. They are actually New Yorkers who brought their douche-dom north of the border.
So please don’t blame Canada. They are not our product.
— L.L.
—–
The city that allows poobaggery to flourish is indeed responsible for their flourishment, L.L. Toronto is not exempt for contributing to the amplification of douchebags like Mark and Sergio. hitting on quality Canadian munchable hoser hotts.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010Another Reader Comments on Toronto’s “Kleenex Mafia”
Your humble narrator has arrived safely in New York, and ready to resume the mock. Checking my in-box, Toronto’s raging douche plague Typhoid Marys, The Kleenex Mafia, have provoked Craig to write in:
————
DB1,
This type of toilet bowl fungus, and their ilk, have become a blight upon what was once a fine city. I left ten years ago, at the first sign of what may very well have been the harbinger of this current Kleenex Mafia pudwankery.
A sad state of affairs to say the least. And with the Toronto International Film Festival, one of the city’s most carbon neutral events, these hoitytoity types are sure to be out, doing whatever it is they do, and making a general nuisance of themselves.
Send your corespondent down to The Drake during this upcoming orgy of conspicious douchebaggery, I think that is where the mothership will be docked. It’s far enough away from ground zero, Bay and Bloor Sts., to take advantage of cheaper parking rates, but still crawling with DB wankers and their ‘botoxed stiff” arm candy. Hey, whatever floats your boat!
Regards, from well north of Toronto,
Craig
————-
Vegas Ass Kicker Says We Can Eat His Ass And We All Will Not Get No Pass
HCwDB’s most recent douchebag poet emeritus, Vegas Ass Kicker, contributes more to his expanding work of postmodern critique:
—-
Fresh up out of bed and just got done getten some head. I am sure you little working class faggots are hard at work while I am out here runnin a muck. You see I aint no DJ and I aint no MC. But mutha f#ckas still want to flow like me. Yo sh#t is wack and my sh#t is dope. If you keep on steppen I am gonna have to hang you from a rope. This sh#t won’t stop and it will not quit. Like my nagga Hammer said I am 2 legit 2 quit.
Yep, out all night partyin and playin. That’s what I do and that’s how I roll. You call me a troll but I am hear for all the “douche bags” and “dickheads” who you little bloggen faggots call out. We are the real sh#t and you is the wack sh#t. Yall can eat my ass. And yall will not get no pass. VEGAS THUGZ BITCHES!!!! We gonna stomp dat ass!
—-
I once ordered the nagga hammer at Sushi Nozawa. It was excellent.
Friday, September 24, 2010Once We Step to Da Masta We Will Be Served Like Sushi
Vegas Ass Kicker responds to HCwDB in the comments thread:
—–
Once you all grow a set of balls and step to da masta you will be served like sushi on a roll bitch! You know? F#ck no you don’t. Cause yall aint seen no action since yo dr. went up that ass to check yo prostate. Bitches! Why you all hate on Vegas. You c#nts know we gots the best strip clubs, clubs and pool clubs. You little faggots can’t handle my vibe and my action. Its fo real dawgs. Lick it up and stick up yo ass. When you done pull it out and feed yo dawgs cause he love that sh#t taste bitches! Damn! My sh#t all real. My sh#t is the doe sh#t that makes addicts want more. Yall feel me? Nope! Cause you al f#cken retards ride on that short bus. Helmets, drool and all bitches.
—–
And then moments later:
—–
I am off to da club to get my d#ck rubbed or sucked. You know nothing about it. Stay home and play with yo little thang. I am going out in style with blang. Bitches! I will take Vegas like a champ. You stay home and lick dick like a stamp. Out c#nts. This me signing out. F#ck this site. F#ck mr.reeve’s bullsh#t site. You all keep posting real Vegas ballers and we just getten better and more play. I am drunk and high. So good night and bye bye. OUT!
—–
I once ordered the “style with blang” at an Indian restaurant on 6th Street, close to 2nd Ave. I got the runs.
Friday, September 24, 2010The War of Hardy
J.C. writes in from the front:
—–
DB1,
Good news from the front lines of the Jersey shore.
As you can tell from the attached picture, these ass-ugly Ed Hardy goggles are not selling. The vendor has repeatedly reduced the price from $15 for 2 pairs to $10 to $7.
Maybe the douchepocalypse is not upon us.
– J.C.
—–
The douchepocalypse continues. But we find our small victories where we can.
Saturday, September 18, 2010Reader Mail: Vegas Douche Virus Takes Over Italy
The Italodouche reports in from Italy, where the Grieco Virus is returning.
———-
DB1,
The Vegas Herpester pool party concept has now spread to the shores of the Mediterranean, now infecting the once glorious civilization known as Italy.
Naples is one of the oldest cities in the world, and it held an important role in Magna Graecia. Much blood has been shed here throughout history(unifcation wars, WWII, mafia crimes,etc.)
If Garibaldi were alive today, he would have to re-assemble the Expedition to defeat the new enemy.
– the Italodouche
———
The land of Michaelangelo, Dante and Monica Bellucci has fallen on hard times indeed. Sad news, Italodouche. But, like Australia, nations can fight back. Have faith. The culture wars continue.
Thursday, September 16, 2010Reader Mail: Vic the Brick Wants our Mock
——————
your website is epic.
so.. i want to be a part of your website.. well the “douches” that is.. the reason is. i think that all guys are more or less the same, and that the douche bags just want to stand out.. and girls tend to notice that.
….. at the expense of how they look to ordinary people, douchebags get girls.. and can still have more fun than anyone at the club/bar..
so here is a few pictures of myself being a big douche. nobody likes me, and i dress funny..
if these work i can send more lol 3:D
– Vic the Brick
——————-
The disconnects in this email offer the logical corridors of a first person shooter designed by M.C. Escher. Librarian Hott Cindy deserves much, much better.
Thursday, September 16, 2010Reader Mail: Beer is Beer Drink it Down N Shut Up
libatious_dude responds in yesterday’s Bud Light Lime thread:
——
my god u know your a bunch of losers right? this site alone is sad enough but now you losertards r sittin round talkin bout how beer is “douchey” wtf c’mon thts jus pathetic beer is beer drink it down n shut up unless u aint man enough to commit to the fact ur so insecure u dont think youd hav the confidence to order a beer with lime in at a bar hah i believe that!
—–
The real question is if we man enough to add punctuation and capital letters. For that would make us the proverbial shizz.
Thursday, September 9, 2010Ted Tags a Wrestlerbag
—–
DB1,
I have to be careful with this one.
It comes from a party that my buddy went to with his girlfriend. The guy in the pic is some random guy that is a friend of my buddy’s girl.
As for the picture one cannot help but wonder why anyone would wear a speedo with drawstrings. Correct me if I’m wrong, but is he holding one of those little energy packets?
As for the lady, isn’t there something really hot about a girl that flips the elastic band on her shorts? Hers even have drawstrings on the hip. Very nice.
– Ted
—–
You’ve tagged a standard stage-2 Wrestlerbag wannabe in the wild. Not overwhelmingly douchey, but enough to qualify for the mock. And the lady’s flip-band is, indeed, cocoa butter worthy.
No Performative Leniency Exemption here for the Wrestlerbag. Good tag, Ted.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010The ‘Baggle Axe Trading Card
HCwDB’s own Battlescrote Gallactica has taken inspiration from an old Garbage Pail Kids card to create a tribute to HCwDB near-monthly-winner The Baggle Axe.
Excellent work, B.G. A brilliant mock.
A few years ago, the great Jean Claude Van Douche similarly created a number of HCwDB Trading Cards, including The Oompa Prompa, The Ghoulbag and a brilliant one for The Gator that I can’t find because I’m a technical luddite (A URC of ‘Train to the first ‘bag hunter who links to it).
Have a fun HCwDB photoshop idea?
Create it and send it on in to HCwDB, and you could win… a new car!*
* New car not included.
