Reader Mail
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Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Reader Mail: “The Kleenex Mafia”
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DB1,
here in toronto the two biggest club promoters call themselves Mr. Kleen and the King of Kleen. Their website is a douchebag’s dream come true… coupon discounts to generic douchy locations like the trendy tanning franchise… sunglasses hut, etc.
u may need to dedicate a site to them alone….in fact they are such narcissistic douchebags they wouldn’t know it was mockery. my 69 yr old mom quoted upon being shown their picture…”oh…they’re horrible”
enjoy!
— Canadian ‘Bag Slayer
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I just blew my nose. Good work, CBS. Operation Blame Canada continues.
Thursday, August 26, 2010Reader Mail: Chica Bomb
Our intrepid ‘bag hunter on the front lines, “A,” writes in again from Afghanistan:
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Dear DB1!
Thanks for publishing my email, me and my friends and a laugh at some of the comments and support from the members! Anyways so we do not get any tv here other than polish MTV, figures… if you haven’t seen this video you have to feature it on your site. especially on your Friday posts special it features incredible amount of hot babies and one uber euro DOUCHE!! He was part of the group that sang that annoying NUMA NUMA song.
In case the link doesn’t show its called chica bomb by dan balan.
SOooo many hots!!!
Sincerely,
-A
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Super hottness soft core music vid porn and some superdouchey Frenchobag. Good catch, A. Good catch. This song makes my uvula itch.
Monday, August 23, 2010“Steamrolla G” Responds to HCwDB
Steamrolla G responds to HCwDB in Sunday’s “Don Ed Hardy” comments thread:
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what a bunch of f#cking jag off wastes of air. You, not them. theres nothing wrong with my ed hardy threads. the bad threads are the feeble comments on this silly ass hater forum. you big asses need to get a bike or a hobby and go do something with yourselfs. really. no, really.
don’t hate soemthing just b/c u cannot afford it. now you just learnd something. PEACE OUT
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Indeed we did learnd soemthing, S.G. We learnd that big asses need to get a bike. Words of wisdom from a man who knows how to ski.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010Sam’s Troubling HCwDB “Costume” Party
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DB1,
I finally threw that HCwDB costume party I emailed you about and it turned out very well. I wanted to share the pictures from it, they look quite authentic.
In the kitchen, I went for a fratboy Douche vibe, with a keg, the red plastic cups, rail alcohol, and college posters (i.e. girls with big boobs). As it turns out, I still have the posters up, realizing a certain affinity and nostalgia that persists (my inner Douche).
In the living room, it was club Douche and in finding tracks to download and spin, I created a Douchebaggery Pandora station. My discovery: Haddaway’s “What is Love” is the key that unlocks all things musically douchey. Also, I had a projector showing movies in the background, and I chose the following films:
The Fast and the Furious, Top Gun, and Rocky III.
I realized that whenever there is a movie with men “glistening”, it’s going to be douchey.
Last, I had a side room which acted as a V(ery)VIP room, replete with a velvet rope and ‘bottle service’. I realized that I really liked keeping a guest list and deciding who gets into that room, again tapping into my inner Douche.
Anyway, thanks for being the prophet that you are and also hearing my confessions. The party was a lot of fun, and in the end, I realized it’s a great way to get my girlfriends to dress slutty 😉
-Sam
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First off, Rocky III rules. It is not, nor will it ever be, douchey. Secondly, there’s a fine line between mocking ‘bag culture, and becoming ‘bag culture, Sam. You have tapped your “inner douche” a bit too strongly, and I fear you’ve gone to the scrotepud side.
Be careful. For when Icarus flew too close to the sun, his hair gel caught fire.
Thursday, August 12, 2010Reader “E” Tags a Huntington Beachbag
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DB1,
My friends were out in Huntington Beach this weekend for the US Open and ran across this scrodal fungi.
Complete douchary going on so they had to take a pic with him, being the juice head he is without hesitation he posed for the shot. Arrogance and ignorance run hand and hand.
– E.
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Excellent hottie/douchey tag in the wild, fellow West Coast ‘Bag Tagger. And I’m pleased to see your proper use of “scrodal fungi” in your letter. Just as Heather Duke used “myriad.”
Mmm… Brunette is pleasingly zaftig, firm and a harsh and angry disciplinarian. So I get the ruler again.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010Reader Mail: Addendum to The Speedo Rule
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DB1,
I’m a faithful follower of the site and I believe you are a hero for what you do. Your mocking is superb and the philosophical asides on the impending douchepocalypse I find both entertaining and a call to arms for the decent and upstanding men of the world.
I have to take exception with the speedo dude. He is a douche, but I spent my whole life as a competitive swimmer. Everyone wears those. For every big meet I was in since my junior year of high school straight through my collegiate swimming career I shaved down completely 3 times a year. Everyone does that. It’s how you prep for a meet, it’s akin to a boxer wrapping his hands before a fight. It is necessary pre-sport prep work.
I don’t spike my hair. I don’t use that axe crap (which I believe may be more dangerous than the oil dispersant in the Gulf is). I try and keep the Hots away from the dbags. I have no obnoxious tats nor do I make the awful smug looks into the camera if someone is taking a pic of me.
DB1, surely whole sport of swimming cannot be douches. Despite constant GSR at meets and speedos everywhere. Please…. tell me I have not been living a lie. Tell me I haven’t been a douche all my life without knowing it.
Joey Joe Joe Jr. Shabadoo
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Well argued, JJJJS. We will make the exception for the competitive swimmer. But only when attending swim meets and/or training, are speedos and fully body shave allowed. No other exceptions apply.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010Reader Mail: Brisbane Has Brisbags
Aussie ‘Bag Hunter writes in from Australia:
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Dear bag hunters,
I’m a long time admirer of this site, but I have one small quibble.
You see, I live in a little place called Brisbane in Australia. It’s a great city in most ways. We have some sweet cultural capital going on down here. One of our problems though, is that we’re a long way from anywhere and with this country having a population that is small and spread far, the only time we get to see the really big music acts is at our music festivals.
Now I’m not complaining about that. I’m just saying, if we sent one ‘bag hunter to one of our festivals, you would see we have the greatest douche-per-hotte ratio on the planet, or at least outside of L.A. and Sydney, and so I feel we are sorely under-represented on HCwDB.
As evidence, please see just one of the many possible examples attached. She’s the kind of girl who has a smile that warms your cockles and a body that could revive even a corpse-bag’s knob. His level of baggery is exemplary of the summer festival going ‘bag and speaks for itself.
Regards,
Aussie ‘bag hunter
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Ah, Australia. You give us actors and beer, and we give you mass marketed hair grease. You give us Aussie Rules Football, we give you David Beckham. Oh wait, that was England. Blame England for that one.
Mmm… Kylie Minogue.
Thursday, August 5, 2010Ask DB1: Military ‘Bags?
SFC A.R. writes in from Afghanistan:
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Dear DB1,
I’ve been an avid fan of the website for quite some time. I commented on a few pictures and send you some emails in the past asking about the un-earned dog tag phenomena.
This time around I once again find myself in the middle of no-where Afghanistan for the 3rd time in the last 5 years. There are no hot babies (Vince Vaughn term to describe women from Swingers) here, and my team is all males, most of them are sadly the biggest douchebags of the special operations community.
When these guys are not fighting for this country, they would otherwise be found on your website. All spend hours in the gym and have “cool guy” tattoos. While we do not get back until November there are already talks about going to Vegas, specifically to the douchebag Mecca described in your book: Club Rehab at Hard Rock casino!
The reason why I’m writing is because I cannot comprehend why hot women featured on your site love these lame guys they are with? I believe our society spends more time on worshipping false idols like Mike Situations and Lindsay Lohans then we did 10 or 15 years ago. What do hotchicks say in their self-defense of the guys they are with? It is as paradoxical to me as seeing clips of the Jersey Shore on my computer.
And in case this email makes it to your site I just want to say one thing to all the HOTCHICKS and all the DOUCHEBAGS who “accidentally” wander on your website to cry about their pictures being displayed here. BIG MUSCLES DON’T WIN WARS! “COOL GUY” TATTOOS AND NICE TANS DON’T WIN WARS EITHER! People with courage who aren’t afraid to face hardship, danger, and adversity WIN wars! Douchebags got a LOOONG way to go!!!
Sincerely,
SFC A.R.
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Well said, SFC A.R. Well said.
As with Soldier A’s email last week, it can be hard realizing how douchey the country is getting while serving to defend it. And while simply serving in the military does not automatically exempt one from being a douchebag (douches are found in all walks of life), at least the Dog Tags are earned, and that’s legit. While I encourage you to enlighten your fellow enlistees as to how to dedouchify when they get home, if they need to go to Vegas when you all get back, I say go to Vegas.
Just don’t stay at the Hard Rock or the Palms. The Bellagio is much less douchey. Or the Wynn.
And douchebags who emulate the military, without actually serving, are worthy of double mock, so be sure to bring the ‘bag tag mock when you guys get home.
For now, carry on, Soldier.
Thursday, August 5, 2010Ask DB1: Military 'Bags?
SFC A.R. writes in from Afghanistan:
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Dear DB1,
I’ve been an avid fan of the website for quite some time. I commented on a few pictures and send you some emails in the past asking about the un-earned dog tag phenomena.
This time around I once again find myself in the middle of no-where Afghanistan for the 3rd time in the last 5 years. There are no hot babies (Vince Vaughn term to describe women from Swingers) here, and my team is all males, most of them are sadly the biggest douchebags of the special operations community.
When these guys are not fighting for this country, they would otherwise be found on your website. All spend hours in the gym and have “cool guy” tattoos. While we do not get back until November there are already talks about going to Vegas, specifically to the douchebag Mecca described in your book: Club Rehab at Hard Rock casino!
The reason why I’m writing is because I cannot comprehend why hot women featured on your site love these lame guys they are with? I believe our society spends more time on worshipping false idols like Mike Situations and Lindsay Lohans then we did 10 or 15 years ago. What do hotchicks say in their self-defense of the guys they are with? It is as paradoxical to me as seeing clips of the Jersey Shore on my computer.
And in case this email makes it to your site I just want to say one thing to all the HOTCHICKS and all the DOUCHEBAGS who “accidentally” wander on your website to cry about their pictures being displayed here. BIG MUSCLES DON’T WIN WARS! “COOL GUY” TATTOOS AND NICE TANS DON’T WIN WARS EITHER! People with courage who aren’t afraid to face hardship, danger, and adversity WIN wars! Douchebags got a LOOONG way to go!!!
Sincerely,
SFC A.R.
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Well said, SFC A.R. Well said.
As with Soldier A’s email last week, it can be hard realizing how douchey the country is getting while serving to defend it. And while simply serving in the military does not automatically exempt one from being a douchebag (douches are found in all walks of life), at least the Dog Tags are earned, and that’s legit. While I encourage you to enlighten your fellow enlistees as to how to dedouchify when they get home, if they need to go to Vegas when you all get back, I say go to Vegas.
Just don’t stay at the Hard Rock or the Palms. The Bellagio is much less douchey. Or the Wynn.
And douchebags who emulate the military, without actually serving, are worthy of double mock, so be sure to bring the ‘bag tag mock when you guys get home.
For now, carry on, Soldier.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010Reader Mail: South Africa Has a “Legend and an Icon”
Momoko writes in from South Africa:
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DB1,
This is a current pic of a guy my sister briefly went out with. He is 29 years old, just come out of rehab and has a 6 year old kid. As you can see from the pics, he’s not exactly on the wagon.
When my sister decided she didn’t want to see him again after he flaked out on her birthday party, his tactic to get her back included the beseeching phrases, “I’m a legend and an icon. You’ll never find abs like this again. I’m your big ticket to being one of the cool kids.” that is a direct quote.
PS. He changed his user name on facebook to Guido G___
– Momoko
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Sadly, more and more countries report Grieco Virus infestations.
Of note to ethnographers and historians in academia, the countries least effected by Grieco Virus are currently Prussia, Istanbul (not Constantinople) and Xanth. Because Grundy the Golem is having none of it.
