Reader Mail
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Friday, June 25, 2010
Reader Mail: The Miami Choad Machine
(Warning: Minimal Hott Counterbalance to Extreme Dancing Douche)
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Hey DB1 all the way from Sydney.
Long time follower, first time submitter… Here’s a gem/pile of excrement from the WMC 2010 held in Miami every year… he shoots.. he scores at 12seconds… scores what i’m not sure but i was transfixed.. Douche frolicking takes many forms.. all of which are worthy of mock..
Love,
Totes DeBag
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Yikes.
Good catch on the “He Shoots, He Scores” move at :12, T.D. That may be the rankest, foulest ‘bag maneuver I’ve seen in a YouTube clip since the Guido Hair Spike Lesson.
On the flip side, the disinterested ladies wandering through the frame implies the ladies are learning to shun the douche through vag avoidance, which is a great sign. As I have repeatedly argued, it is only when Hot Chick shuns ‘Bag, that we can turn the tide in the war on scrotepud and liberation of the boobies.
Thursday, June 24, 2010Reader Mail: Criminal Abs
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DB1-
Paget Brewster is one of my favorite hotties and now CBS is talking about cutting her character out of “Criminal Minds” next season – her co-star Shemar is tolerable on the show but after seeing this photo he must be officially placed in the rankings of prime time douchiness.
Shame that she isn’t looking her best……. Shemar on her…
— Aaron
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Bonus points for the Shemar pun, Aaron, but you’ll have to pick shows I’ve heard of to lament hott loss. As it is, television just hasn’t been the same since Sifl and Olly went off the air.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010Reader Mail: L’Italiano Douchebago
U.K. Rob writes in, perhaps obviously, from the U.K.:
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hi,
i’ll get straight to the point with this message, the photos related im submitting i came across on the net, it was taken in Italy (i live in Europe but not Italy, im from the U.K ) and they are of teenage douchebags male and female.
they are part of this sub subculture/clique/style or whatever called “Truzzi” just wanted to know what you think of it ok thanks.
– rob
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Italy is clearly in its worst cultural crisis since the post WWII malaise of unemployment and decline as depicted in the Neo-Realist cinema movement of filmmakers like De Sica. There’s an overwhelming stench of orangeness, spikeyness, hat tilt and all around shameful global circulation of Grieco Virus in this pic.
On the plus side: Lesbianism and Hello Kitty bags. As depicted in the strange conflation of 21st century marketing strategy and iconic branding.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010Reader Mail: L'Italiano Douchebago
U.K. Rob writes in, perhaps obviously, from the U.K.:
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hi,
i’ll get straight to the point with this message, the photos related im submitting i came across on the net, it was taken in Italy (i live in Europe but not Italy, im from the U.K ) and they are of teenage douchebags male and female.
they are part of this sub subculture/clique/style or whatever called “Truzzi” just wanted to know what you think of it ok thanks.
– rob
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Italy is clearly in its worst cultural crisis since the post WWII malaise of unemployment and decline as depicted in the Neo-Realist cinema movement of filmmakers like De Sica. There’s an overwhelming stench of orangeness, spikeyness, hat tilt and all around shameful global circulation of Grieco Virus in this pic.
On the plus side: Lesbianism and Hello Kitty bags. As depicted in the strange conflation of 21st century marketing strategy and iconic branding.
Thursday, June 17, 2010Maria Who Got Fondled at Coney Island Thanks Us
Maria Who Got Fondled at Coney Island a few weeks ago on the site writes in to thank us:
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Hi,
Firstly, I would like to thank whoever posted this for giving me a fake name, finding there are still photos with me and this douche out there is very humiliating.
Also, I would like to apologise for anyone whom I may have offended by dating this unruly specimen. It took a restraining order & him finally being deported to get rid of him, but hes finally gone.
I would like to go on to say, WHERE were all of you when I needed to hear this wisdom and seek life guidance. As I was very mad at my parents (I was yet to outgrow teenage angst) I had noone to turn to for advice. This being said i should have known, he had mistake tattooed all over him…
For anyone who was worried about me and my family issues, I would like to let you all know my parents and I are back on track. & hopefully in the future I can stay away from anyone of the male sex who has fearless tattooed on their forehead.
Yours Sincerely,
Maria
(i have enclosed a photo, proving its me)
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Just doing our part for the larger civic discourse, Maria, glad to be of service in helping your maturation process occur through the art of the mock.
Now go kick ten douches in the nads while singing “Ave Maria” as your penance.
EDIT: Maria responds with more info (and more hottie pics) in the comments thread.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010Dr. Jorge Mendoza Wants to Be Famous For Being a Douche
Dѓ. Jorge Mendoza writes in with an appeal for me to cast him on Season #3 of Is She Really Going Out With Him?:
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Make me Famous!
dude, im down for a show. u should make other shows though. EXPAND on ur creativity. Like, u could make a show about “players” and how they get women. I’m DEF down.
OK TRUE story. i JUST got back to my place from a strip club. I ALWAYS get results. Tonight i got a FREE lap dance from this fine ass hottie, we made out, she gave me her #, and she practically begged me to call her. OH, and shes not the ONLY one i gamed, but shes the only one who let me play with her p@ssy. (I’m GOOD at what I do).
although “assholes” & “douchebags” do get results (i.e. WHY is SHE going out with HIM? a cutie going out with an douche), “players” and seducers get women to practically BEG to be with them.
Trust me, they’ll give u that “look” with their eyes.
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It’s like a glimpse into the mind of an autistic savant. Only instead of math expertise, he smells like Axe Bodyspray and week old pizza.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010Reader Mail: The Goth Douche
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DB1,
I love various genres of alternative music, post punk, so-called gothic rock, ebm industrial, so on and so forth. I am older now, and the scene is being into directions I do not like. It is increasingly being interchanged with bdsm and other things.
I could handle these changes, the stupid brightly colored hair extensions, the goggles, the crappy generic ebm industrial stuff that Metropolis churns out, if it were not for the smug arrogance and pretentiousness, which I will note at times is particularly directed at us “old folks” who were listening to Joy Division and the Virgin Prunes since before these twerps in Kindergarten.
– F.W.S.
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While I agree with you that Gothbaggery has taken a turn into the realm of the purely emulative, rather than authentic, in a bid for hott conquest, be careful not to slip into “back in the day”-isms.
Pretentious douchewanks have always been polluting movements by emulating them, and today’s Gothbag is nothing new.
That being said, enough with the guyliner, Gothwanks. It looked stupid in the 80s and it looks stupid now. Only 80s-era Morrissey may or may not get a performative nottadouche for this sort of thing, and even he’s a whiny emo beyoch.
EDIT: Swapped out the pic for a more accurate Gothbag.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010Reader Mail: Snowtagging
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Greetings DB1,
Just got sent a link to your site, and I’m duly impressed! Wow, I had no idea I could mock some douchemonkeys like this!
I notice that there seems to be a lack of the annoying creatures who are the douchebags of snowsports, though. On that note, I offer my services as your High Altitude Correspondent.
From base camp at 9650′ in Breckenridge, CO, I have unique access to bro-bra Mountain Douches in a town well known for their presence. Additionally, as a traveling snowskate competitor/coach, I witness high altitude douchedyness in a plethora of snowbound locals! If only I had known Saturday, as the evening afforded me the opportunity to grab an amazing on-snow douche/hott shot…
I’ll be looking forward to hearing from you about my High Altitude Correspondent idea, if it’s of any interest. Just think, a whole new genre to mock! Either way, I’ll be signing onto HCwDB….
Regards!
– Snowtagger
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As a fan of the 1991 classic, Ski School, I look forward to your submissions, Snowtagger. We need some more winter climate ‘bags and hotties on the site.
Monday, June 7, 2010Reader Mail: French Pair
Who says the Germans and French can’t get along? Here’s a little late night Ass Pear break brought to you by the German reader I douche, therefore I am:
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Dear DB1,
I have now known your site for about two months, and in this short time it has managed to become a daily requirement for me. As I am from Germany, it is not always easy to join in the mocking, since I don’t get all the cultural references that are made in the truly amazing comments section. But I try…
Anyway, the actual reason I am writing to you is pear, French pear, to be precise. I always look forward to Friday, as I imagine every visitor of HCwDB does, so I would like to contribute by making you aware of some, imho, truly amazing butt-cheeky deliciousness. In the case that this pear has already been posted here, I humbly apologise, otherwise: enjoy!
Sincerely,
I douche, therefore I am
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Why not take a random Ass Pear break now and again? Danke Shoen, IDTIA. Sie ist sehr gut.
Saturday, June 5, 2010Reader Mail: Hot Chicks, Really?
hellzbelles writes in on the HCwDB message board:
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I heard you on the Adam Carolla Podcast. I am a huge fan of his podcast and enjoyed the episode, leading me to check out your site.
A main point made on his show is that girls shouldn’t be falling for these douche bags and should be looking for smart, funny guys like you and Adam. As a female, I took a look at your “hot chicks” and they all appear to be skanky whores.
You are trying to save these “innocent” sluts from the d-bags they choose to be with? The fact that these are the type of chicks you want makes you a first class douche, am I right?
— Hellzbelles
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Interesting point, H.B. I need to come up with a site moniker that would be emblematic of this inherent contradiction between the intellectual and reptilian brain centers at work in the fundamental contradictions of the male psyche. A name that would acknowledge my own doucheyness and hypocrisy in criticizing the ‘bags while I desire their hot chicks.
Any suggestions? I’m thinking “Jimmy Kimmel.”
