Reader Mail
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Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Reader Mail: Dr. Douchebag
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A spurned and angry Heather writes in with a Floridian douche tag on her ex-boyfriend, Dr. Douchebag:
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This is ——- aka Dr. Douchbag.
This scrote was a University of Miami Dermatology resident that got a job at Pinski Dermatology in Chicago and scrotishly broke up with me after one year of dating thinking he can do better than a nice hot girl like me and broke up with me to pursue his dreams of being a douchebag version of Dr. 90210 in Chicago.
It would mean the world to me if you posted him on your site, it would only serve him justice so others would agree with me he is a huge douchbag and douchy looking with saggy man breasts and messed up teeth that should have been glad to have had a girl that loved him like I did.
I would appreciate you willing to put this up to expose his Miami/Chicago/I think I am a cosmetic guru and love filling women’s faces with Botox because that is as close as he will get to hot women again self…
You guys are the best and I love your site.
Look up his place of business if you want. It is called Pinskiderm.
they are the #1 distributor of Botox in the entire Midwest… making him extremely douchy and worthy of your website since you expose douchebags of all shapes and sizes.
Feel free to include first and last names, I don’t mind.
Looking forward to seeing a post.
Happy new year & take care!
– Heather
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The “Dr. Oz” type of shallow psuedo-intellectual paternalistic “doctor” technique is absolutely a variant of the ‘bag virus. And while your email suggests personal bias, Heather, which may overwhelm the douche-tag’s logic system, I’m pleased to see the proper use of terms like scrote, if not myriad, in your ‘bagicide letter.
Friday, January 6, 2012No More Backwards Baseball Cap Toolscrape
Megan writes in:
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My boyfriend and I are in a picture and I’d like it removed. We are both upset about it and someone put his full name out on it. It was funny reading all the comments until some gilr to it to the next level. ANy way you vould just remove it ASAP thanks
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Steven Tyler hates it when gilr’s take it to the next level.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012Reader Mail: Crotchos Is Turning
Taken on a tourist trip to Mykonos, Greece, Reader Dan submits proof positive of why Greece is facing hard economic times.
And by hard economic times, I do not mean crotch-peen.
No!!… Wait… Crotchos is turning…
No please!!… no more turn!!… (although I see you blonde poocher dancer)… I beg of thee!!… no more turn…
This performative Greek Tragedy calls for a Champagne Katie chaser.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012Reader Mail: Backwards Baseball Cap Toolscrape
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Kim snaps and sends in the following :
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not the clearist picture, saw these two at a DC bar. I’m pretty sure she is a gogo dancer and was smoking hot but this dude was a tool. He would give the rock n roll horns in every picture, steal other peoples drinks and make sure he was in ever picture with every girl. I can’t decide if the skinny jeans and backwards cap or pointing finger make him a bigger douche in the picture.
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On an unrelated note, “Real world bar haunting rock n roll horns giving asswipes with gogo dancers” was actually a sentence that appeared in an early draft of Henry George’s 1879 economic analysis, “Progress and Poverty.”
Tuesday, November 1, 2011Reader Mail: When HCwDB Readers Meet in the Real World
In honor of last night’s Hallow’s Eve, here’s the story of what happens when HCwDB readers meet in the “real world,” featuring long time ‘bag hunter Jacques Doucheteau and legendary horrormeister Baron Von Goolo.
Note: The HCwDB pic accompanying this post is not Baron Von Goolo, nor Jacques Doucheau. So far as you know.
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DB1,
Tonight I had the honor of meeting face-to-face with Baron Von Goolo. I took the Mrs. on a road trip to Portland to experience the haunted houses of Fright Town, and was fortunate enough to run into the Baron, as he is the curator of the event.
I saw him first as he was perusing the line of waiting customers, eying his victims like a hyena circling mortally wounded gazelles. I approached him as he walked by me and asked him if Plinky’s mom was part of the exhibit, at which point a pleasantly surprised expression crossed his face upon the realization that the universe found it necessary to draw two HCwDB regs together for a chance meeting. I introduced myself as he thrust his hand forward to meet mine, and he wished me an enjoyable evening, with a wink and a glint in his eye before I entered the Portland Memorial Colosseum Exhibit Hall for no less than three of the Pacific Northwest’s greatest haunted houses under one roof.
After an hour of thrills, scares, laughs, and all around good fun, I ran into the Baron again on the way out, at which point I expressed my thanks for a fine Halloween weekend in pastoral Portland, OR. He assured me that Plinky’s mom may be featured in next year’s Museum of Horrors, though it may require a forklift and a couple tons of putrid horse meat to coax her into the building. He was obviously busy, and mentioned it had been a long day, so I didn’t bother him further. For posterity I did insist on snapping a couple pictures before heading out, to which the Baron graciously obliged.
For your personal enjoyment, I give you a picture of the Baron Von Goolo and myself, both looking our sexiest. Or at least as dashing as a pair of gentlemen can be while surrounded by a thousand screaming teenagers in the humid basement of a sports area with a bunch of volunteers in makeup. I was not wearing a costume which I suppose compromises my precious anonymity, so now that you know what I really look like I must remind you: that with great power, comes great responsibility.
Happy Halloween to you and the rest of the regs.
-Jacques Doucheteau
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Happy post-Hallow’s Eve to all HCwDB readers, whether long time or recently arrived. There was no greater tribute to the pop-culture impact of HCwDB than Von Goolo’s 2008 Douchebags of the Living Dead.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011Reader Mail: Sara Submits a Followup Bagtag
Sara writes in with an update:
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Subject: No twin, still a douche
My friend shared the link to this douche’s debut with his twin on your site over 3 years ago.
He was recently back in town flying solo. This photo goes to show his douchery is truly genetic. You can’t teach a pose like this…
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Lets skip over the generibag and talk about your friends, Sara. Perhaps this is forward of me, but perchance you and your besties are willing to share with me a ritual purging in a collective chocolate sauce sauna with portable shakeweights installed in rhythmic intervals ? I pooch all your friends on their thighs, and then whimper for a cookie in an abandoned laundromat on Avenue C.
Friday, October 7, 2011Breaking: Deadmouse Show Features no Douchebags in Attendance
Or so claims Reader Mike:
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I’m pleased, but disappointed, to report on a shocking lack of douchebaggery at last night’s Deadmau5 show at Roseland Ballroom.
I went in, locked and loaded for bag hunting, but saw nothing more offensive than a possible budding stage 1 kid who was maybe 20 who took his shirt off briefly while dancing, but hastened to replace it when mocked by a nearby mixed gender group who complained that they didn’t want his sweat on them. He was wearing a stupid handkerchief over his mouth like a stagecoach robbing bandit but that had sharp teeth bared across the front, so maybe even he knew not to show his face with such foolishness.
No frolicking, no guys dancing with other guys to impress each other with sweet moves, no blatant HCwDB couples–just a lot of people with innovative use of glowsticks, aggressively early Halloween costumes, and homemade Mau5 hats.
I don’t know if it’s because Deadmau5 is relatively unknown, but the fact that he broke a record by selling out six consecutive shows at Roseland says that won’t last much longer.
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I’m not sure “innovative use of glowsticks, aggressively early Halloween costumes, and homemade Mau5 hats” counts as un-douchey there, Mike. Might need to check again.
And no, I will never write “5” for “S,” just as I refer to the movies “Seven,” Fast Five” and “Scream 4” by their proper names.
That being said, I’m willing to consider Deadmouse’s electronica as possibly arguing for a post-douchebag techno alterity. But I’ll need far more evidence to go on.
Thursday, September 29, 2011Reader Mail: The Recession and ‘Baggery
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Boss –
longtime reader and huge fan. Thought of you this wknd whilst reading the good (and all kidding aside, sad actually) 3 part series in the LAT about victims of the great recession.
One of the three was a heavily tatted out former owner of a recording studio who is now unemployed and acknowledged to the author of the series that perhaps the ink all over his arms might be hurting his job search…
Nothing funny about it given the 4 kids but did contain an instructive anecdote about some bagling admiring his tatts and the guy snapping at him that he regrets every single one. Or something to that effect.
Please let me know when you call the bottom, for it is then that I will invest my life savings in tattoo removal technology and service providers. Like all bubbles, this will burst.
Meantime keep up the great work.
Bilbodouchebaggins
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I’m one of those who sees the great recession as somewhat of a good, or maybe just a necessary thing.
Our entire social fabric of the mid 2000s was corroded by a cesspool of preening narcissism, self indulgence, ego, greed, and vacuous navel gazing. It was a dark time.
Our nation spent those pre-crash years in a state of utter denial. Fetishizing the richest and assholiest among us for living a life of unfettered greed. The Douchebag, as an icon, began as a denial of community, responsibility, logic and education. A Cult of the Know-Nothing Self. Preening ego self-worship as virtue, rather than vice. We still see these impulses today, although they’ve given way to more violent forms of rhetoric like racism and xenophobia.
Back then it was credit card consumption as replacement for the boring realities of actual life. Bigger and bigger SUVs and Hummers, with shittier and shittier mileage, just to prove what badasses we were.
A giant f-you to everyone but ourselves and our own desires to gratify whatever urges we had. Thus, douchebag culture.
Then the bill came.
For all the Grey Goose and Red Bull shooters we ordered without checking the price first.
Finally paying the real-world cost for action we took that we couldn’t pay for is, in the end, a good thing. So long as we learn the harsh lessons about the corrupt douche culture we indulged in for far too long.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011Reader Mail: The Pauly D Bag
Sean writes in with more evidence of the regressive effect the Jersey Shore douche posse’s fame and success is having on the human race:
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This is a picture of my friend Faith. She is a major hott who just started seeing this BAG. She used to listen to metal and do cool shit like MMA, but now she spends all her time with this Jersey Shore Pauly-D wanna be…
His entire lifestyle is molded after that gay show Jersey Shore and more specifically Pauly-D. Thats why I call him Pauly D-Bag!
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True crime, my friends. Witness the effect ironobaggery has on causing real douchepuddery in the echo of its discursive wake.
EDIT: I should mention that while the pic does demonstrate a trend worth monitoring, there are a number of self-evident problematics at work in the accompanying email that suggest a more complex discourse of douchebaggery at work within variant subdivisions.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011Karen Lawyers Up
Brief HCwDB Hottie Karen, from last week’s Jeffy Notabag Wins at the Game of Life, ain’t takin’ no guff from the HCwDB regulars:
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Ok this is “Karen” again. Delete that f@#king article. Ive had enough. I was very patient at first but now you have pissed me off. My personal sex life is STILL on there! And now you posted a link for my modeling site with the article. Delete that article immediately or you will be hearing from my lawyer ! I already had to stop my mother once from contacting him. Delete. It. Now.
Sent from my iPhone
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And a short while later, from Karen’s “photographer:”
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To whom it may concern,
It has been brought to my attention that you have two copyrighted images posted in a forum on your website. Please see the link below. The first image is a monochrome image of a models backside and the second image is of the same model in a teal lingerie set. The images are copyrighted by myself. John Valerio photographer NCIstudios/Norcal-Images.
Please let this serve are a first request to remove these images. Failure to comply within 72 hours will bring defining legal action against the forum poster, your webmaster and the website owners/operators. As a professional courtesy please confirm my request has been met via an email response.
http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com/2011/08/jeffy-nottabag-wins-at-the-game-of-life/#comments
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Actually, the photog has a legit copyright claim, so I did delete those pics from the thread. The links, however, remain up, as back where I come from, images posted on the interwebs can be linked to. Since they’re images posted on the interwebs.
As to Mother, was it really necessary to make the crew of the Nostromo respond to that distress signal?
Still no word on if a lawsuit is pending from The Good Ship Lollicockk.
