Rockerbag
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Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Johnny Lives the Dream
The dream involves mandanahead.
Thursday, June 23, 2011Real World Rockerdouche Tommy Mugs Your Ex-Girlfriend Kaitlyn
Hard to top last night’s Moley Mole thread, so lets start off this Thursday with some odious Real World Rockerdouche.
You know the type.
Not inflatable. Nor cartoonish.
Real world douchebaggery.
Looks almost normal from a distance.
Then you get close and count the douchetributes: Jesus Bling, Stupid Tatts, wristdanna, Iron Cross belt buckle and three finger rings.
And our shared upchuck factor responds to the mugging our collective ex-girlfriend, Kaitlyn, during 2-for-1 at the Oyster Fry Shack Summer Solstice Party.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011Long Island Bob and Layla
I’d almost be inclined to give Long Island Bob a rockerbag nottadouche and goinpeace. Even with the Elvis sideburns, the stupid tatts, the silly shirt, and the wriststrap thingy. For Long Island Bob seems relatively benign. Happy to be there.
Just a semi-employed rockerbag who means well and is generally harmless to society.
But then there’s the chin pubes.
And this must not pass.
Douche.
Mmmm…. Slinky Layla. You have legs of purest organic farm raised chicken bone slather chomp. Two taut and tan morsels of munch suckle. I would leech like a hungry Pleco atop an algae wafer for six consecutive sundays, and then return to the Mikveh for ritual penance.
Monday, April 25, 2011Razorpud
Razorpud may represent all that is aging, castrated and market coopted about the last vestiges of 80s punk aesthetic.
But, more due to happenstance than plan, Razorpud’s embrace of Melanie does offer us a hallowed glimpse of The Holy Hottie Back Arch.
And we must appreciate. For it is firm, flexible, supple arch and gummy gnaw slappy pinch.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011Punk is Dead, Crucified, Regurgitated and Mass Marketed Fish Feed
It’s over, Johnny.
Over.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011Morty the Happy Rocker Causes Kim to Hang Herself
There’s only so much happy rocking that one girl can take.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011Morty The Happy Rocker
Ming Shyuen is deeply honored to study in this country, and she thanks you, but she can’t help but coyly giggle and wonder why Morty is such a heaping douchewipe.
Monday, April 4, 2011Rocker Hand Guy’s Hitler Chin Approves
The Russian Vadanya Girls are o.k. by him.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011Wimpy The Cinch Sack
Oh sure, you’d like to pretend Wimpy The Cinch Sack’s shameless mugging of Genevieve is pure Halloween something or other.
It can’t be real, you tell yourself.
No one looks like 80s rocker vomit in their own A.D.T. secured faux foyer.
No one gets E.T./Jesus heartlight tatts across their chests and still scores tiny taut brunette suckle thigh.
It just can’t happen.
Thursday, February 24, 2011Toxic Terry Works the “Tough Guy Sad Face” on Angelica
Toxic Terry has perfected the “Tough Guy Sad Face” ‘bag maneuver.
How’s it work? Like so:
1. Wear “tough guy” apparel. Gangsta threads. Dress “hard.”
2. Show a hint of the “sad face” when around the boobie hottie suckle thigh. Let them think they can reach your “inner wounded child.”
3. Reap rewards.
This is one of the most toxic douchehunds we hunt, ‘bag hunters. Glorious curvy Angelica has been trapped in toxic sludgewack. We must help. And by help, I mean mock.
