Suburbia
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Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Ninety-Nine Problems and that Hat Definitely is One
I was supposed to go to that party but my raccoon had hepatitis.
Monday, February 20, 2012Guy You Know is An Even Bigger Douche Than the Picture Reveals Guy
Not the most succinct or poetic name, but it’s Monday.
Chinscrap sideburns for the collective societal mock.
Oh ambiguously Quartasian Lindsey. How I would softly hum harmonic convergences in a deep barritone and pretend to like Downton Abbey just for the chance to rucksack your lederhosen at the African Education Conference.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012Jeff's 10 Degree Hat Tilt
10 Degree Hat Tilt.
Still out there.
Still hitting on Angie like it’s 2007.
Monday, January 30, 2012Gus and Bud Voted in the HCwDB of the Month
Sports fans and crypto-gay rodeo clowns Gus and Bud brought Bikini Veronica and Besty Kelly to the party, and voted in the HCwDB of the Month.
Granted, they voted for prunes. But digestion is hard after eating too many Malomars.
Have you voted yet?
Thursday, January 12, 2012Marty Deuce Is Emotionally Distant Towards Ripped Jeans Kelly
Marty Deuce is droppin’ loads. Of laundry. Off at the dry cleaners on Pico and Robertson. At his day job.
Ripped Jeans Kelly is all that is androgyne early 1990s ripped jeans butch hottness.
Thursday, October 13, 2011Straight Outta Bridgeport
Dawg!! Lets hit up the 7-11 and get some 5 Hour Energy shots and mix it with, like, some Mountain Dew, yo, and then go to Caleb’s house, cuz like I hear his moms is out of town, and we can play, like, Wii for like six hours straight, Dawg!!
Smug Todd Hooks His Glasses in his Pants
Your humble narrator just ate an entire box of Carr’s Ginger Lemon Creme Cookies
Then I licked a hallucinogenic toad.
And by hallucinogenic toad, I mean a picture of early 80s Soft Fuzzy Sweater Heather Thomas.
So’s I’m makin’ no sense.
Have some Grand Pearyon.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011Lonnie and the Kelly Sisters Hang In The Boiler Room
No, it’s not a new club that just opened.
It’s the boiler room. Of the nearby Initech office complex.
That’s where Lonnie takes his bitches after a hard day of work D.J.ing at Cheetahs during the breakfast buffet shift.
Because Lonnie don’t got no cash for all that expensive “clubbin” and shizz.
Boiler rooms.
Where it’s at, yo.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011Prickles The Clown Can’t Get A Job
Everyday, average, ordinary guy with douche-hair, Prickles The Clown, is still macking on the Asian anime villainness hotts.
Still offering no raison d’etre save for the stupid face.
And, in the strangest twist of this strange tale of Prickles the Clown’s strange adventures, being buddies with Alpha-douche Criss Angel.
Thursday, August 4, 2011Thaa Skivv
It’s early.
Your humble narrator is sipping the caffeinated pee from a Keurig k-cup.
And Thaa Skivv is douching it up all over Midwestern Melanie.
Let the Bleething commence. Ya got some hair grease on your shirt there, Midwestern Melanie.
