Suburbia
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Monday, February 7, 2011
Suburban Long Island is a Scary Place
Lets not go there.
No, not even to save the poor Shy Jenn Triplets from their older sister’s BFF’s ex-boyfriend, Fabrizio.
We will have to collective pooch each of their firm and virtuous pooty putters with rubber frogs and a spitoon from afar, and only in theory, not practice.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011Billy and Willy Learn to Make “The Shocker”
Ramona’s internship with the non-profit “UNIBAG” organization took her to meet many interesting and challenged aging suburban douchewanks. But she did her best to help them learn the proper way to cling to fading youth by pretending to have fun in overpriced nightclubs.
Later, they played with crayons and painted a pretty picture of unicorns, sunrises and Valtrex.
Monday, January 10, 2011Hiphop Hennie Makes A Halfhearted Effort
Lethargic rocker horns suggest that Hiphop Hennie’s heart just isn’t into hitting on suburban librarian hotts at the club like it once was.
Maybe it was Aunt Jennie’s talk over Thankgiving about going back to a trade school after he finished his G.E.D.
Bored Hiphop Hennie don’t know. But somethin’s naggin’ him and it ain’t just his itchy lobes. Maybe Aunt Jennie was right. Maybe the DJ thing wasn’t such a great idea, yo.
Oh Carol from Marketing. I see you at Chachkis and then at Flingers. I stalk you in the Initech parking lot. Someday, I will invent my own pet rock and take us away from this suburban malaise.
Thursday, October 28, 2010Average Mohawk Guy
What are some of the many leisure activities for Average Mohawk Guy when not busy hitting on Paid-to-Pose Curvy Hotts at trade fairs?
Why, he can:
Go tube rafting and make the “Horns.”
Party with Bros and Average Sorority Girls.
Party with Bros and Average Sorority Girls and an Old Guy making the “Horns.”
Tuesday, October 12, 2010Got Jayson?
For Kelly, the pickings are slim in Scottsdale.
But that’s still no excuse.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010The Dripster
Because hair like that is an abstract conceptual prank that rewrites history on some achronological mythical level.
Like realizing that Bob Dylan’s entire career was actually played by Sacha Baron Cohen on the Capricorn One sound stage.
Poor, poor Molly. She hasn’t heard of Bob Dylan or seen Capricorn One. But she did see Borat.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010Afflictionbags
Still out there.
Still traveling back in time via a cranked up DeLorean to hit on the hottest girls at the 1955 Enchantment Under the Sea formal.
Thursday, September 30, 2010Woody Woodpanel
Woody Woodpanel knows how to multitask.
Cell phone call + hand gesture = stone cold badass.
And by stone cold badass, I mean chestshave revealing ass gargle.
Carole and Rachel think of ways to excuse themselves. But since they haven’t put the lotion in the basket, they must remain.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010Long Island Pitstop
Continuing our recent theme of real world pudwacks with real world hotts, here’s Pudwack Mikey, a barely qualifying stage-1 doucher (hat + gold chain), and his Bleethy but perfectly curved gum snapping hottie, Angie.
Together, they go to Sizzler.
Thursday, September 23, 2010Billy Gangsta Is The Baddest White Rat Rapper In Town
Pic Deleted
(from this douche’s actual Facebook post:)
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i cheat and beat up on my girlfriend, ill get some sick as songs out of it though for my album debut. im a mother f*cking badass, mess with me and my boys kane and leroy will get their bang bang out on to ya. represent all the south coast dero groupies who keep me going. props to my parents who dont have jobs.
nah for real ay, ill make it big time, just went on a ten grand cruise with my ex’s mums money, trying to get her back.
im a leech, ill keep using and abusing till the bitch comes running back.
if the whore dont ill post her naked pics on facebook, that’ll show her whos the baddest white rat rapper in town.
yewwwww! pz
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New Zealand white rappers never looked so badass as they do when preparing for the summer formal.
