Sultry Sweet Potatoes
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Wednesday, December 11, 2013
Poutface Toasts the Golden Globes
Silk scarf tucked into sweater violates the Virgin Mary’s little drummer boy.
Spicey Valencia jiggles like futuristic pudding.
Thursday, November 14, 2013The Star Spangled Booty
Oh, say can you see?
by the club’s early light,
What so proudly we fistpumped,
at the twilight’s last raving?
Whose butt stripes and butt stars,
thru the perilous tights,
O’er the spandex we watched,
were so gallantly jiggling?
And the booty’s red glare,
the douchebags with their hair,
Gave proof through the night,
that our buttfondle was still there.
Oh, say does that glute-spangled booty yet smear like a bagel with lox,
O’er the land of the douchey and the home of the something that rhymes with wave but describes douchey Vegas club culture?
Thank you… thank you… no thank YOU…
I’ll be in my trailer.
Thursday, November 7, 2013Red Hott Regina Tolerates Glenn
It’s the price you pay for a free cosmo.
Thursday, May 16, 2013Bad Fro Days
We’ve all had ’em, Kenny the Engineer and Part Time Roadie for rising hip-hop supergroup “B12 In Yo’ Azz” (they’re big in Belgium and France).
So hells, I’m inclined to give you a nottadouche and a goinpeace.
Stephanie, I’d like to see you behind the amp highrise in section 12. We have business to discuss.
And by business, I mean my pouring crumbled saltines and melted pop rocks into your sensible-but-stylish Sketchers, swirling them with purple drink, and then guzzling the whole thing while moaning in post-priapic pre-orgasmic ecstasy like a confused wildebeest that lost its bearings during northern hunt.
Friday, January 25, 2013Denim The Menace Brings the GILF
Denim The Menace may be an Olde Bag, but dammit he’s got good tastes in experienced ladies.
Some women age like fine wines. Sure, there are some that say certain ladies age like milk. Or bananas. But not these sultry cougars.
During Year One of my Post-Divorce era, the ‘Sock has hooked up with several wonderful females. In particular, one was 15 years his junior and a total candidate for Victoria Secret’s catalogs. Okay, maybe Frederick’s of Hollywood. But still, young, taut, blonde and down for whatever. And while that fling was fun/stressful…the follow-up palate cleanser with a sultry cougar two decades older than my young playmate blew girly-girl out of the water. And by “water” I mean my lumpy king-size. And by “my lumpy king-size”…well, in this case I am actually talking ’bout my shite mattress that needs replacing.
Should I be mocking silly-ass Denim, his sad soul-patch, and his male osteoporosis? Sure. But I am drawn instead to praise older lovers such as his fine two companions. They know who they are, and they know what they want. Go forth, Denim; pop your Viagra and do your best. And call a doctor if it lasts for more than four hours. Then call your buddies.
And stay tuned after Friday Socks & Links for Pear. All Weekend.
Man your ‘bation stations!
