Thoughts and Links
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Friday, July 20, 2012
Friday Thoughts and Links – Rare Late Night Edition
Pay no mind to Silly Frames Fanny, or her mangina I’ll call “Dude Who May Or May Not Be Wearing A Shirt With His Own Likeness Emblazoned Uponst It” (DWMOMNBWASWHOLEUI, for short); neigh, I say… let us move on to Friday Thoughts and Links, DarkSock Edition. And by “DarkSock” I mean “Light on Thoughts, and later than Adele’s period).
First, on a somber note, tragic news about the loss of the mother of former regular Plinky; his mom perished in a freak skydiving accident, despite the heroic efforts of her OB/GYN to revive her. I’m just grateful that I had the honor of meating her.
Also, while there is some conjecture as to DB1’s absence this week, allow me to enlighten you as to what he’s really off doing… It just goes to show; everyone in Los Angeles is insane.
In fact, after meeting DB1 in person I suspected he may be suffering from Assburgers Syndrome.
This week’s movie pick: “Donkey Poop…How rare!!!!”.*
*Warning…You will be dumber for having seen this.
Well…time to address the 800 pound gorilla in the room. It really chaps my ass that many of you couch potatoes are only enthused when I helm because I supposedly offer Gratuitous Ass Pear.
Such as, for example, the glorious Gabrielle pics that Vin Douchal shared with me, featuring numerous prurient poses which I would NEVER post to this site, other than for purposes of this eloquent defense of my integrity.
Well, gentle readers, not THIS Dark Sock. I have True Grit.
Besides, even if I did post gratuitious pear, thanks to Title IV I’d be obliged to post something for the female regulars such as Nancy D, such as subliminal peen I happened to pause upon during a pee break during the opening title of last week’s True Blood…you see a show for 4 or 5 years, ya think you’d catch a subliminal orgy right under your nose…
Them’s your Friday Thoughts & Links, post-bed-time-style.
Son.
Friday, July 13, 2012Friday Thoughts and Links
Remember kids, no matter how much trauma the world is experiences, no matter how many are suffering in poverty, homelessness, war, despair, and malaise, somewhere there is a dude with a shaved chest in pink pajamas partying with hotties.
Takin’ it easy for the rest of us sinners, I suppose.
And when Higgs meets Boson, maybe it all comes out even in the particle wash.
Here’s your links:
Your HCwDB DVD Pick of the Week: “Now that you brought that up, hang onto your paddle. And if you hit any rocks, don’t hit ’em with your head. “
Forty years later, and it is still one of the greatest films of all time.
What happens when you’re a billionaire owner of a major NFL franchise and your beloved wife of 50 years passes away from cancer? Star in a creepy audition video with your new girlfriend. EDIT: Video’s been pulled, so I changed the link to an article on the story.
Ah, the 80s. When ads for record compilations simply ran lists on the songs. And hippies.
Even if she looks slightly like Mike Meyers as Dieter in this pic, I would still slather Mila Kunis with cocoa butter and rub her toesies with an apron.
It’s the summer…mmmm… Volleypear…
It’s like Mia Farrow in the Sound of Music. Some things just weren’t meant to happen.
Or Michael Keaton on a mid-70s episode of Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood. (Check the back row at :38)
If Brawndo ever makes a douche car, this is what it’ll look like: DoucheCar! It’s got electrolytes.
But you are not here for uberdouchecar. You are here for Pear:
Who Cares If It Might be Photoshopped Pear
And even if it is photoshop, there’s always
For the suckle purity goodness award. And, really, isn’t that the best award there is?
Friday, July 6, 2012Friday Thoughts and Links
Ab Reveal in Presence of SluttyHott.
Still out there.
Still taking a ferret dump on the collected works of Shakespeare.
Happy Post-4th to all the ‘bag hunters who made it with me through the bumpy site upgrades. This place has always been held together with spit, twine, and bodyspray, so bear with.
Lucky Punkass is almost active, and that’ll give me a place to rant about other things beyond the hottie/douchey mock. But otherwise, HCwDB is HCwDB. Let us carry onward until dawn with a 1/2 a HoHo for sustenance.
Here’s your links:
In honor of the once-great-now-exploited Comicon, of which the DB1 will most assuredly not be attending, here’s your HCwDB Nerd Toy of the Week: “Well, you can’t rule the world in hiding.You’ve got to come out onto the balcony sometimes and wave a tentacle, if you’ll pardon the expression.”
Tentatively, the site seems to be working again. Cross your fingers, and have some champagne.
And some Champagne Katie. Even if she is still dating the oldbags.
I’m not normally attracted to Nordic Blonde Hotts, but when I am she’s Patsy Kensit in 1990. And Liz Hurley ain’t so bad neither.
Bro V. Douchebag at the Major League Baseball All-Star Game. I wish I’d come up with this joke first. Oh wait, I did.
Semitic Hottie Bar Rafaeli is now a hottie ‘bag hunter. When the models turn, so does the battle. What’s she mocking? This clown.
But you are not hear for soccer clown. You are here for Pear.
Pear submissions have been unusually high lately, and I’m not sure why. Summer Pear Fever? Anyways, here’s a tri-sampling of the latest:
For the melonious lovers among us:
And for the Star Wars geeks, the greatness that is…
Awwww yeeee. Thass what I’se talkin’ about, yo! (said in my best Lucas voice) Don’t say I never did nothin’ for ya.
Friday, June 29, 2012Friday Thoughts and Links
Some days I feel like reading Chaucer by candlelight while drinking tasty Mr. Pibb out of an original Burger King collector’s edition Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring blinking plastic goblet.
Other days I like to ingest a tasty gourmet venisonburger with a nice fermented grape juice chaser.
And then there are days when large fake breasts with heart pasties on them haunt my subconscious.
Today is one of those days.
Here’s your links:
Your HCwDB DVD Pick of the Week: “Kind of cliche isn’t it, spilling my guts to the bartender.”
And lo, when the Bieberbag and the Jackson Child shall commingle, then Gozer the Destroyer will micterate on Lebowski’s rug. Which is a shame. Foreth that rugeth tiedeth the roometh together. Eth.
Megan Fox transforms. Into unemployment.
In a related story, here’s a clip of Jacques Lacan explaining the unconscious.
The best show on television outside of Breaking Bad, Louie, has started season three on FX. This review from Grantland captures the essence of the show’s groundbreaking genius.
The Star Wars that I used to Know.
Dora. “Adventure goes bilingual” for the win. I would seriously pay to see this.
Signs we’re losing the war: Monster Energy Drink replaces Sara Lee on the Fortune 500.
Google peed in a horse once.
But you are not here for horse peeing. Well, some of you are. The rest of you are here for Pear:
And if that’s too skinnypear for your tastes, enjoy
Advantages to Third World Countries Pear
Photoshopped? Only by tequila.
Friday, June 22, 2012Friday Thoughts and Links
Aye o’er sun dappled hills at peak o’ sunset…
Coffee pots percolate with douchal scent,
The dusk smells like poo…
The clattering of doucheboat arrives at dock,
The tragedy of the hotts… ne’ermore… ne’ermore…
— Excerpt from “The Tragedy of the Hotts” by Dylan Thomas, 1942.
Here’s your links:
Your cheesy 1990s Troma “Horror” DVD Pick of the Week: “Get your goddamn tongue out of my goddamn cousin’s mouth!”
Lego Batman. If the movie looked like this, I might care about it. As it is, redundant self-serious “high art” superhero disaster porn bores me to piddle.
John Mayer. Still out there. Still a douchebag.
Hebrew National Hotdogs not Kosher? That’s not kosher. Speaking of, that’s the title of my new sitcom idea, “That’s Not Kosher.”
This British kid is my hero. Slugworth deserved it.
Vice’s Guide to Dating Rich Girls is pretty spot on and humorous. Well worth a gander if you have time to kill this weekend.
Friends you should Unfriend on Facebook. Nickelback Fans for the Unfriending.
Shia LaBeouf stars in arty music video, reveals his penis.
David Lynch’s Rock of Ages. Now there’s a movie I’d see.
It’s almost summertime. You like fruit? How’s about some:
Mmmm… juicy. and by juicy I mean butt.
EDIT: Site was down for awhile, but it’s back up, and these links are sweet, so apologies for the outage and enjoy…
Friday, June 15, 2012Friday Thoughts and Links
When Champagne Katie plays poker with low-rent Andy Garciabag, the moon is in the seventh house music, and Jupiter aligns with Bruno Mars, then you will know that Friday Thoughts and Links are here.
Doing some site upgrades this week, including adding a personal rant blog for your humble narrator to vent on things not directly related to hottie/douchey dialectics.
Am otherwise plodding along with my strange Hollywood career, while peep-lusting at the Hollywood Yoga Hotts through giant yoga windows on Venture from betweenst ferns and gullys.
Yoga. Where privileged white people go to perform Zen masquerade for others as a spiritual band-aid covering profound and existential lack.
Here’s your links:
Your HCwDB DVD Pick of the Week: “When you got an all-out prizefight, you wait until the fight is over, one guy is left standing. And that’s how you know who won. “
Some scrotebaggy writer defends Pretentious Herspter Foodie Douchebaggery. Uses the word “artisanal” many times. Fails.
Samantha Bee and the great Daily Show report on Douche Fever in Wisconsin.
Many items from the pop culture dustbin known as the 1980s have aged into moldy gouda. But Peter Gabriel’s Biko remains as potent, and as brilliant, as ever. One of the greatest songs ever written.
“That’s a clown question, bro.”
The most important academic competition in Europe since Hoyle didn’t share Fowler’s Nobel Prize for Physics in 1983: Best Pear of Holland. Mmm… Nordic, Aryan, Ubermenschen Pear.
An eagle-eyed reader caught this news headline about an Axe Bodyspray Thief. Closeup of the Thief: What you think.
Remember that Asian Hott and Uberdouchey Rocker Shitestain who were famous or something? Yeah, me neither. They broke up.
Skinny Girl Cocktails. Teaching Hot Chicks to “Wooo!” with primal mating call. Which would be good, if not for douchal attraction.
But you are not here for cocktails. You are here for Pear.
1980s Pleather Office Furniture Pear
Pear is tactile. Pear is true.
Monday, June 11, 2012Monday Thoughts and Scratches
Somewhere out there, even in today’s sobering economic instability, a douchebag shows his undies to a hot chick. Or at least, the nearest Vegas cocktail waitress working the midnight to eight A.M. shift on a Tuesday.
Your humble crotch scratcher is still recovering from a weekend of debauchery, post-Celtic depression, Mad Meningitis, Hollywooditis, and a whole plantar wart medley of the scratch tickets lottery of life.
Hopefully will be upgrading the site a bit in the upcoming weeks. Other than that, I have way too much time on my hands these days. But I water the alpacas. And stare at anorexic back arch pear. So that is good.
It’s 2012. I want an android love slave.
Friday, June 8, 2012Friday Thoughts and Links
Remember when Peter Gibbons explained the simple truths about history?
How there were pieces of flair that the Nazis made the Jews wear that first established the vacuous consumer culture in which class is identified through the commodification of identity?
Heed the words of Peter Gibbons, Jerzey Tatthole. For you are Ric Flaired.
No idea what the hell I’m saying. But I’m still in NYC. Where Hot Chicks read the New York Times.
Here’s your links:
Your HCwDB DVD Pick of the Week: ” I don’t need this. I already got trouble with my kids, my wife, my business, my secretary, the bums… the runaways, the roaches, prickly heat, and a homo dog. This just ain’t my day. “
Aging men turning to Botox for job interviews. In as rough an economy as we’re in, it’s hard to know whether to mock this or feel deep anger for how badly Wall Street pounded us in the pooper.
It’s pretty hard to get me excited to see a movie these days, since so many are pure poocrap, but Branded just may be the best. movie. evar. Hope it lives up to the genius potential in that trailer.
Dewey Beach? More like Douchey beach! Ah a ha ha!… ha… heh… I need new writers.
Greatest ‘Stache of the 1980s.
Douchebags with Photoshop. Like a funhouse mirror. Without the fun. Or the house.
Sometimes, in my sugar snack cake and cheap alcohol infused fever dream vision quests, a moment of clarity comes to me in the form of a Vision of The Ethereal Heavenly Peace.
Douchecake. For weddings as festering with materialist rot as is the rest of society.
But you are not here for douchecake. Today, you gets not ones but twos of a Pearin’ treat:
Woodland Creature Nightmare Pear
And if that dytopian vision of futurity isn’t enough, here’s:
And by Fronds, I mean slobber slap flyswatting of the Godhand.
Go forth, fellow hunters. Another week is conclude’.
Friday, June 1, 2012Friday Thoughts and Links
So far this week in Los Angeles I have witnessed annoying Silverlake Herpsters using agave in their coffee, a frustrated actor run into traffic waving his headshot, and Robert Blake buying rotisserie chicken at a Gelson’s in the Valley.
And all the vampires walkin’ through the Valley move west down Ventura Boulevard.
Here’s your links:
Your HCwDB CD Pick of the Week: “Well, she moved down here at the age of eighteen, She blew the boys away, was more than they’d seen, I was introduced and we both started groovin’, I said, ‘I dig you baby, but I got to keep movin’… on… Keep movin’ on….'”
The great Terry Gilliam picks the best animated films of all time.
My Kingdom to anyone who can get me a copy of Jerry Lewis’s infamous and never released The Day The Clown Cried. I will never find peace in this world until I can see this film.
The incredibly sexy and ubertalented Jennifer Damiano, already a star on Broadway, will someday be the future ex-Mrs. DB1. Oh yes. She most certainly will.
If you, like me, are a huge fan of the genius that is all things Vonnegut, this letter, written just after he was a prisoner of war in Dresden (recreated in “Slaughterhouse Five”) is an incredible read.
Patriots quarterback Tom Brady gets crap for wearing a fauxhawk.
But you are not here to posit theories about whether Giselle has ruined Brady’s athletic prowess through succubus power. You are here for Pear:
Like two hemispheres of Global Fondling.
Friday, May 25, 2012Friday Thoughts and Links
Creepy Crustacean Bros continue to haunt America’s young chicas, and what’s Obama done about it? Nothing! Nothing I tells you.
Where’s Dick Cheney when you need him. With a buckshot to the doucheface.
Yeppers.
Your humb narrs is all sorts of itchy and irritated today.
Too many Hollywood battles to recount. Some good, some great, some a flying pile of rotten euro-pie in the face of the Godhead.
Here’s your links:
Your HCwDB Pick of the Somewhat Depressing Great Work of Groundbreaking Graphic Novel: “Friends? Your friends? If you lock them together in a room with no food for a week…Then you could see what it is, friends!…”
Worst. Tattoo. Ever. (NSFW)
Maxim’s Hot 100 has Semitic Boobie Tickle Pooch Spackle Suckle Thighs at #1 and #3.
The always ahead-of-the-curve city of San Francisco debuts Sausage-Fest Fighting Bar Software. Or, as they used to call them, “bouncers.”
I often discover HCwDB’s influence in surprising places. RIP big guy. We still miss you.
Reader Et Tu Douche? tags a Goose Car.
Tanning Mom still burnt. Still from Jersey.
Arizona continues to rapidly devolve into the second most useless, ignorant, ass-backwards and pathetic state in the union (Texas holding strong at #1).
After Herpsters… “Chappies”?
You are here for Pear:
Mmmm… Hypertoned Aryan Longjump Pear… but that’s not the pear we speak of… for it is
Little known fact, the 13th Century Sephardim included Table Pear on their Passover seder plate. It represented the pillows of our forefathers, who were denied boobie hottie suckle thigh by Pharoah.
Or whateves. Go forth and have fun tonight.
