Thoughts and Links
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Friday, May 18, 2012
Friday Thoughts and Links
Cabanabags.
They taste just like chicken.
Like record-setting fist pumping, it leaves a stain on both asphalt and culture.
Here’s your links:
Your HCwDB DVD Pick of the Week: “A strange man defecated on my sister.”
Remember kids, if ya wanna help support HCwDB and you’re planning on buying stuff on Amazon, click through the Amazon links on the site before navigating to your items and buying them. It don’t cost nuthin’, and it helps pay for the site.
Long time HCwDB nemesis, The Mayerbag, may be growdsing up after all. Nah. He’s still a douche. Now a douche with botoxed vocal cords..
Douchebags at a rave killed two dolphins with a heroin substitute. No, seriously.
Remember in Swingers when Mikey complained that Tarantino bites everything from Scorsese? Turns out, Tarantino also bites things from 1976 Sonny Chiba Films.
Pop culture therapist pens article explaining why hot chicks don’t like nice guys. Unwittingly explains why no one likes pop culture therapists.
The great Bill Hicks explains why your children aren’t special.
Speaking of great 80s comics who died too young: Kinison.
In the land of the internet, the doucheface “Brogrammer” is King.
No, seriously. Brogrammers explained via URC. A whole new subspecies to be mocked as much as possible.
Morgan Spurlock’s new documentary examines the douchebag phenomenon.
Ayn Rand Explained in One Title.
But you are not here to laugh at just how badly libertarians need to pretend they’re intellectuals. You are here for Pear:
Too much? Okay, how’s about
They might not beat Wednesday’s Pear Party, but they’s enough to get us through a Friday.
Friday, May 11, 2012Friday Thoughts and Links
A longtime reader just sent me this pic, which he found in a folder he’d set aside for HCwDB back in the halcyon days of 2006. A classic-era douchebag runnin’ with the Goose. Unironically. A hot chick corrupted by Goose Runnin’.
Oh the days when the mock was new and the “game” was still seen as literature.
But there is still so much to be done. Especially when Herpsters crowd beer ads and Ed Hardy continues its biological contagion spread across the Wal-Marts of America.
And the Wal-Marts of my soul
Here’s your links:
Your HCwDB Classic Rock CD Pick of the Week: “Big Sky looks down on all the people who think they got problems… They get depressed and they hold their head in their hands and cry…
People lift up their hands and they look up to the Big Sky…
But the Big Sky is too big to sympathize.”
Your humble narrator needs bail money
I hope the missing Fox Studios exec is okay and all, but what’s with the orangeness?
Herpster Suck. Reason #43 I moved out of Los Feliz last year.
As a Pats fan for life, it makes me very sad to bring you this. But it is my duty and my obligation: Bradyhawk.
Speaking of doucheyhair, where do annoying herpster practitioners of “dubstep” go for hair inspiration? Llama.
Hair Abs. Over six years running this site, thousands of pics seen that cannot be unseen, but that was a first. Lets hope it’s a last.
Whenever you get depressed about a world filled with insanity, remember, it’s also a world that produced Sifl and Olly.
What happens when a kitchen brush has a fauxhawk? Should we grant a Plate Scouring Leniency Exemption?
But you are not here for douchey kitchen appliances. You are here for Pear. And today, you get not one but two Pear desserts:
Not enough? Then enjoy some
And if that don’t satiate your pear needs, then I don’t know what.
Friday, May 4, 2012Friday Thoughts and Links
Rocker Horns.
Still out there.
Still douchey.
But feral Malaysian Hotties running wild in L.A. make your humble narrator joyful and festive.
Been an interesting week here at the ole’ homestead. Lots to talk about. Lots of emails coming in. Nice to see HCwDB firing up again with great comments threads and energy. Just when I think I’m out, they pull me back in.
Creepy Japanes Face-Toy wants to bite your finger.
Here’s your links:
Orange New Jersey mom is Tanorexic. C’mon people, lets stop the cycle of orangeness. Or poo, as the case may be.
David Lee Roth explains the Brown M&Ms.
Slate runs an excellent article on the pathology of tattoos. The need to turn our bodies into spectacles in the age of overstimulation reminds us of how far we’ve fallen.
The latest trend in annoying chefdom: stupid tattoos.
Goldblum. Death Wish. Life is good.
When did Beer commercials become some herspter Instagram nightmare? Et tu, Corona?
Note to the American Media: Sideboob can never be too much.
Remember kids, hot chicks are also crazy.
Okay, you’ve earned it:
Imbibe. For the weekend has cracked.
Friday, April 27, 2012Friday Thoughts and Links
Prada bags. For men. Just don’t call them a “murse.”
I’ve been in kinda a mood lately. Not sure why. The world is stupid, we know this. But sometimes I’m more hopeful. And other times I see Grieco Virus in even the darkest corners of our haunting collective unconscious.
Then again, the 2000s were stupid. And the 1990s were stupid, too. Perhaps more so. We stood around with too much time on our hands and too much money and thought things like Presidential Peepee and Brittney Spears were interesting.
So there’s that.
But on our collective death beds, we will all achieve total consciousness. So we got that going for us.
Here’s your links:
Your HCwDB DVD Pick of the Week: “I admire you as a policeman. Particularly your adherence to violence as a necessary adjunct to the job.”
Ubiquitous Red Cup: For the Aristocracy
Dubstep. Everyone’s talking about it. No one really knows what it is. And in six months, no one will care. So enjoy Dubstep Cat.
You know what never gets old? The fart from Zapped.
The Ab-Hancer. For the laziest of the lazybags.
Okay, you’ve been good. Here you go:
Or, as the mathematicians measure it, 3.1415gnawchompbitesuckle
Friday, April 20, 2012Friday Thoughts and Links
Tonguetwats.
Still out there.
Still ruining pics of raver girls who haven’t learned the life lessons that will switch their major from drama to pre-med.
Glorious, glorious holy Cleavite…. praise Tebus for dying on the Football field for our sins…
Your humble narrator Tweets an electric toot across the virtual landscape of Los Angeles scrub suck.
All is well in the nooning hour.
All is well, she said.
And then I had to pay.
Here’s your links:
Your HCwDB DVD Pick of the Week: “By the power of Greyskull!”
The douchiest thing you’ll see all week: RoboBros.
Still not convinced Semitic Hotts are the finest of all the ethnic subdivisions of the hott hierarchies? I give you exhibit #521: Rafaeli Hott.
“The Royal Lifestyle.” Smells like asschoad and petunias.
Douchey Cell-Phone Self Portraits: Now for Professional Hockey Players.
The Bleeth is a ‘Bag of Trouble (vintage style)
Hangover Heaven. Cures your hangover while turning you into a douchebag.
Want to giggle at something stupid this weekend like you’re twelve years old again?: Funny Restaurant Names. “Hitler’s Cross”?!
Predator: The Musical. Makes life worth living.
However, the DB1’s sanity hangs by a thread.
Uberblogger Andrew Sullivan muses on why men’s fashion is so straight. My guess: Because it took a wrong turn at Albuquerque.
Okay, you’ve earned it. Here’s your Pear:
But soft! It is the East! And Juliette is a Butt Globby Globb!
Friday, April 13, 2012Friday Thoughts and Links
I ponder the explosion of masculine faux-piddle across this once great Nation on this Friday.
Tatts of Smellyass continue to breed like douchebunny.
Hair remains stupid.
The irony has increased, but the Grieco Virus remains.
And of the qualities and relative merits of the Semitic Boobie Hottie Suckle Thigh, I can only cry “Hosanna!” And self-flagellate with an onion.
Los Angeles has been rainy. And your humble narrator has been hard at work on new projects. Doors open. Others close.
The circle of life in the city of sushi and stupid.
Here’s your links:
Your HCwDB DVD Pick of the Week: “Ain’t no rats, you can be sure of that.”
Beware… the homosexuals! Or, as the G.O.P. likes to call it, a 2012 election campaign ad.
The 25 Douchiest Bars in Los Angeles. Should’ve been twenty-six. And Barney’s Beanery should absolutely not be on that list. For shame. Legacy Exemption.
Worst Album Covers of All Time. “All My Friends are Dead” by Freddy Cage for the win.
Britain’s “The Daily Mail” steals a bunch of HCwDB pics for a comedy bit on tanning, doesn’t give HCwDB any credits or link-backs. Yeah, yeah, I know I bitch too much.
If you’ve ever desired to see Peter Pumpin’head in video form teach you how to work out, now’s your chance. No sign of Mary Mammageddon. Thank Tebus.
The Gator would like to sell your some supplements.
The reason your parents are entirely insane.
But you are not here for underlying psychosis of the 1960s. You are here for Pear.
A followup to our Playboy Douche Dater offers quality suckle chomp on this Friday aft’.
Friday, April 6, 2012Friday Thoughts and Links
Greetings from a hot and muggy storm-ravaged Mississippi, my fellow sports-fans.
Still no sign of the DB1; although some alert readers along the Pacific Rim have noted regional news stories of recent llama-related social disturbances. Perhaps he shall return enlightened and share the bounty of his wisdom, with us all arrayed in wonder at his sandaled feet.
Or he may just resume spewing the stellar B.S. we’ve come to know and love.
Until then…here’s your Friday Thoughts and Links:
How your steering wheel can tell you who’s a douchebag.
This just in… Dolphins not so damned intelligent on land, are they?
Oh, please…let’s just stop this charade, shall we? I know what you came here for…
And…CUT!
Friday, March 30, 2012
Friday Thoughts in Links
Thought I might retire the site when it turned six, but I’m still a’goin’. Can’t let up… so many ‘bags out there… must keep mocking…
Can’t take me down, ‘bags of the world!! I’m still here to mock you, and oggle your hotts!! So long as you’re Bodyspraying and bad-tatting and stupid-shirting, I’ll be here. To mock your sorry ass. And Pear.
Here’s your links:
Your HCwDB double-pack DVD Pick of the Week: “It appears as though you forgot our French fries and a coke, fishhead.”
The Bleething of England: Real Life Barbies
Remember craptastic website “The Dirty,” which began as a cheap HCwDB ripoff called “Dirty Scottsdale” back in late 2006? Back then, lead doucheblogger “Nik Richie” used to email me begging to link to his site. Now he’s engaged in lawsuits with lunatic cheerleaders. Don’t worry “Nik,” it’ll all pay off sooner or later. And by pay off, I mean not pay off.
In a new movie directed by Harmony Korine, James Franco plays HCwDB Whitetrashbag “Riff Raff.”
Signs Douchebaggery is entering new mutant variations in 2012: Nokia Patents a Vibrating Tattoo
Nodal douchesuck and the original “Von Douche,” Tommy Something-or-Other sells his Beverly Hills Mansion.
Herpster eyewear now a legal strategy.
My contribution to the decline of western civilization takes on generational impact.
File under “Drakkar Noir:” Bag Odor makes TSA Workers Sick
World Bank nominee Jim Yong Kim rocks out, Dartmouth Style. Kinda awesome.
Speaking of Asian people, Chinese Gangster’s Cell-Phone Pics Go Viral. And by viral, I mean the Asian Bird Poo.
But you are not here for Asian Bird Poo. You are here for Pear:
More than a touch Bleethy, but still uberchomp suckle spackle slap poochable.
Friday, March 23, 2012Friday Thoughts and Links
Your humble narrator wanders the streets of eerily warm Boston. Avoiding the Massholes.
Oggling collegiate hotts that wander among the downtown wide colonial streets like so many displaced gazelles.
Fratbags abound on the T.
Bostondouche is a distinct subset of the larger New England Clam Choader.
It is the home of my youth, and the home that I fled for larger pastures in NYC the moment I turned 18.
And so it goes, as Vonnegut told us. And so it goes.
Here’s your links:
Your HCwDB Musical Pick of the Week: “If you wanna be profound, if you really gotta justify, take a breath and look around, a lot of folks deserve to die! “
A reader submits this pic of the ‘bag parties going on at the South by Southwest festival. A wretched hive of douche and herpstery.
For the few of you who missed it last week, The Kony2012 filmmaker guy is a masterbatory herpsterbag.
Awful Tatts. Still out there. Still an affront to the Torah.
With the inexplicable success of the 21 Jump Street remake, The Unholy Grieco is back in the news.
Michael Bay: Hollydouche.
The Ab Revealing copycat of HCwDB’s 2007 sensation, The Ab Lobster, The Jersey Shore’s “The Situation,” may or may not be in drug rehab.
Best wishes to the great Jerry Lewis, who celebrated his 86th birthday last week. My life will not be complete until I am able to see Lewis’s 1972 unreleased film, The Day the Clown Cried.
But you are not here for creepy early 1970s urban legend garish and trite filmic reductions of Holocaust trauma. You are here for Pear:
Go forth and celebrate. For Pear is here.
Friday, March 16, 2012Friday Thoughts and Links
If there’s one stain that I find hardest to get off my shoes after a vigorous round of street pilates, it’s Aging Rocker Choad.
I’ve read that lemon juice and yak spittle helps to get the grime of failed teenage dreams off one’s shoe after stepping into the residue of years of mediocre bar gigs and unpaid medical bills. And no, momentary affections from Giggle Kelly will not rescind the dark voices of fear that Aging Rocker Choad’s cold and distant Father was correct after all.
Your humble narrator prowls the streets of New York City with wandering eye of boobie hottie suckle thigh, East Coast Librarian Hott edition.
Burgers and weight gain are on the weekend agenda.
Here’s your links:
Your HCwDB French DVD Pick of the Week: “It’s an amazing thing really, when you think about it, we learn life’s most important lessons from TV.”
This week in douche-trends: Mantyhose! Or, as the kids call it, ‘Brosiery.’
Maureen Dowd, the always hip and cutting edge editorial writer at the New York Times, gets down with the kids and jumps on the “What’s Wrong with Men?” bandwagon.
Epic Fail blog brings the Moob Fail.
For those who haven’t seen this, visionary director Sam Gavite takes us behind the scenes of a “Skweezy Jibbs” video shoot.
Vegas brings the herpster subtext into the text.
In Russia, Transvestite Vampire Douche Freaks ‘bag hunt you!
Duckface: The Race for the Cure
But you are not here for Duckface Cure. Well, perhaps you are. But you are also here for Pear. And so Pear shall be:
Go forth and celebrate the Ides of Jane March.
