Thoughts and Links
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Friday, January 17, 2014
Friday Thoughts and Links
I don’t know what’s going on here and I don’t want to know.
Sailor hotts cohabiting with rippled Pringlebags smell like feta cheese under a Tuscan sun.
Your humb narrs doesn’t know much these days.
Diapers and working on a new book define my life.
What I do know is that I heard Gerry Rafferty’s Baker Street on Sirius yesterday and it was glorious. The chorus is a freakin’ sax riff fer crissakes. 70s music is before my time but the fact that this amazing song was even produced in a sea of bad disco inferno and skyrockets in flight makes it even more of a masterpiece.
On to the good stuff.
Here’s yer links:
Your HCwDB Buy Some Shit on Amazon to Support the Site Link of the Week: “This city desert makes you feel so cold, It’s got so many people, but it’s got no soul, And it’s taken you so long, To find out you were wrong, When you thought it held everything.”
Remember Crimson Paul Bunyon? Turns out he’s a something something Sons of Anarchy something something.
1990s Action Cinema summarized in two seconds.
Every single Hot Weather Girl compiled in a single website. Because internet.
Celebrities read mean tweets. Almost makes up for the inexplicable fact that Jimmy Kimmel is somehow incredibly famous and successful.
Middle Eastern terrorists are so stupid, they can’t even spell Los Angeles correctly on their flight jackets.
Oklahoma man charged with using an atomic wedgie to kill his father. “Wedgie.” The word still traumatizes me. Looking at you, assholes from Senior Bunk, Camp Kingswood, 1985.
Okay, lets get to the good stuff:
When the iPhone is upgraded with a fancy lens, then the Pear will come into autofocus.
Friday, January 10, 2014Friday Thoughts and Links
Crimson Paul Bunyon says, “Be cool, stay in school!”
Hard Mom Margie is having none of Crimson Paul Bunyon’s randomly placed sweat stain.
She believes it to be ruse.
After all, isn’t all of sweat simply a ruse? A fake? A con? An attempt to tell the body that one is cooler than one is, or attact a mate by virtue of the demonstrative power of physical labor?
Yup. I’se babbling again.
I blame the lack of coffee.
Here’s yer links:
Your HCwDB Buy Some Shit After Clicking on This Link Amazon Link of the Week: “So, if anatomy is destiny then testosterone is doom.”
A hearty tip of the Ubiquitous Red Cup to the Lost Coast Outpost blog for Wednesday’s HCwDB shoutout.
Meanwhile on Facebook, Hot Chick with Douchebags is upset to discover she’s on Hot Chicks with Douchebags.
Douchetard Chris Brown goes full douchetard. Never go full douchetard.
Obamacare targets the douchebag crowd. I can see why when our Prez starts busting ‘bag hand gestures.
Without using the word douchebag, the great Louis C.K. explains the HCwDB problematic.
Word to the wise: When home for the holidays, skip the mephadrone.
The greatest news of 2014 is already here: David Lynch to film 25 year followup to Twin Peaks. Yes.
The real fratbags in college these days? The Quakers. Because it isn’t a party until someone loses a testicle.
College student writes a letter to Bic Pens complaining that his Bic pen only writes “huge cocks.” Bic Pen customer service responds thusy.
This list of New York institutions that are now out of business or gone makes my soul weep.
Shawn Valentino is… The Showstopper. Next-gen douchebaggery at its rankest.
Women with big butts are smarter and healthier. Well, duh.
Okay, that’s enough of that. Have some:
Ya done good, kid.
Friday, January 3, 2014Friday Thoughts and Links
Like the Greater Kudu that run wild uponst the grassy knolls of the Serengeti, poorly placed tattoos travel in pairs.
Because you never know when the watering hole will become contested.
And tribal headlocking will commence between the alpha males of each pack. To assert dominance.
And lay claim to the land. And the women.
Folkloric and tribal traditions of our most primal historical impulses remain embedded on the skins of the stupid and the ignorant.
I have no idea what I’m saying. I blame the BC1.
Here’s yer links:
Your HCwDB Please Click On This Link and Then Buy Some Shit on Amazon Link of the Week: “The Yanks always wore neckties that leapt out in front of their shirts, as if to announce the awkwardness to follow.”
Fan of beer? Enjoy it served out of a dead squirrel.
What people never understood was that David Lee Roth was far more vaudeville than rock star.
Boy this Robin Thicke guy sure is an amazing singer.
How to contemporary dance. I think “Bich” likes me. “Contemporary Eric” probably does, too.
The Coney Island Polar Bears are getting hotter. Didn’t it used to just be a bunch of fat, hairy dudes?
Forget orgasms. The new thing? Coregasms.
‘Nuff of that. Here’s ya go:
That lineup of cream puffs is most definitely not glute-n free.
Friday, December 27, 2013Post Christmasy Thoughts and Links
Oh sexy Librarian Hott Brunette Brenda. How you fall for herspter stank like a euthanized koala falls off a eucalyptus tree.
Such a shame, as my talc powder won’t butt glute powder itself. As far as you know.
It’s that quiet time of year at the ole’ DB1 household. Well, except for the screaming ball of giggles and poo who demands to be fed all day.
She’s like a creative succubus. Lost are many hours of output on work stuffs. But gained is the cute. So I got that going for me.
Was hoping to offer at least a day of 2013 Douchie Awards, but alas, have not been able to do that. My apologies. The Douchie Awards will always be with us in some form, but what with getting up all night to feed the screaming one and making sure HC1 gets her due attentions, time is of the essence.
But we will carry on the Mock into 2014 as best as we can.
Here’s yer minimal links:
Your HCwDB Buy Some Shit on Amazon to Support the Site Link of the Week: “Oh, please don’t go—we’ll eat you up—we love you so!”
Classic Douchemas. Almost makes me nostalgic for the early days of HCwDB. Almost.
File under stupid shirts: Booze, Bitches, and Bath Salts. For people who can’t actually form sentences.
Fake gangster dupes Australian reality show. In a related story, face tatts are forever.
Remember last week’s Skullbro? Turns out eating skulls pays off on Spring Break. Ubiquitous Red Cup does not approve.
While in Las Vegas, Karl met Vinnie, a Pickup Artist.
Faux.
Okay, that’s all I gots. Here’s ya go:
EDIT: Whoops, had a fragmented publication, which for those of you in relationships know is never a good thing for building trust. Full version is now up.
Friday, December 20, 2013Friday Thoughts and Links
When I witness the joyous celebration of hottie/douchey cohabit when the club kids dress up as Santabags and Santahotts, it almost make me want to be Christian.
Almost.
Then I remember this. And it’s a little more difficult.
But a happy happy and a merry merry to all those who celebrate Christmas as we get closer to the glorious day that celebrates the birth of Black Jesus.
Man.
I can’t really think of anything else to contribute after my Al Goldstein post. Except maybe this.
Here’s yer links:
Your HCwDB Buy Some Shit After Clicking This Link on Amazon Link of the Week: “Blessed are those with the groove, for they shall inherit the funk!”
NOTE: For those who want to support HCwDB in 2014, you do not need to buy the item I link to. Just click through my link, then do some shopping. Anything you buy will send a bit o’ cash my way to help keep the lights on around here.
The 20 Worst Herpster Bands of All Time. Hey! Ho! (mandolin solo)
I’m not sure who Johnny Manziel is, but a few people have sent him in as an example of a fratbag/jockbag. Not sure I see it, but his girlfriend is quite buttery.
Justin Bieber something.
News anchor hates reporter. Reporter hates news anchor. Heh.
I can’t believe I missed this. The great Spike Jonze’s 2010 30 minute short film “I’m Here” is pure genius.
Malcolm McDowell pens a glorious tribute to Peter O’Toole.
I’m not much of a fan of the grunge era, but this letter from producer Steve Albini to Nirvana before the recording of In Utero could serve as life advice for all of us.
Continuing controversy over Brazil’s Ms. Bum Bum winner.
Here’s some creepy portraits of strangers that happen to look identical. But why no pairing of Fish Slap and Mac?
Okay. Nuff o that.
R. Crumb just gave up cartooning forever.
Friday, December 13, 2013Friday the 13th Thoughts and Links
The kids are not all right.
In fact they look like lobotomized feral magic cherubs culled from a Piers Anthony novel.
Nothing is more haunting than the vacuity behind those dead fish eyes.
Even Sweet All Business Amber, who reminds me of a young Andie McDowell seems somnamblified by life.
Thus, although understated in terms of a douchremonts/hott cohabit, this pic is the perfect HCwDB for Friday the 13th.
It’s like staring into the vortex of a failed future.
Here’s yer links:
Your HCwDB Buy Some Crap on Amazon after clicking on this link link of the week: The only proper way to enjoy Christmas.
30 Hottest Jewesses under 40. Not the most well researched list (Isla Fisher? No Gal Gadot?) and the writing is shite, but mmm… Emmy Rossum…
25 Ways to tell your Girlfriend is from the Jerz.
My latest Shiksa Aryan suckle thigh obsession: Dutch model Doutzen Kroes. I can’t pronounce it. But I can prosoapybubblefondle it.
Meet Zaur, The Pervy Russian Tennis Coach.
No. Let’s not.
Sometimes, when life gets tough, you just gotta hump a couch.
This type of marsupial mates itself to death. Kind of like a marsupial Kardashian.
But there’s always Ms. Bum Bum 2013. So I got that going for me. Here’s important documentary footage from the contest.
Okay. There’s the perfect lead in for…
I’m not even sure if that’s human.
Friday, December 6, 2013Friday Thoughts and Links
HCwDB Party Boi (non)legend The Chandlerbag grows pasty, bloated, old, and water logged.
Like a three day old beached porpoise.
Remember way back in 2007?
When HCwDB was new? And shiney? And the Chandlerbag was just another happy-go-douchey scrote scoring quality bumper? Yeah, me neither.
We’ve watched the oily greasy ridiculousness of the Chandlerbag grow over the years. We’ve even seen him partying with the one and only Donkey Douche.
And here he is.
Like Bartleby’s Scrivener, able to function no more in a party world that passes him by.
Donkey Douche will meditate on this sad fact in deep repose. Like Rodan’s The Thinker. DD’s reflection tells the tale.
Here’s yer links:
Your HCwDB Amazon Buy Some Shit and Support the Site Link of the Week: “Put on your heartlighhhhhhtttttt….”
Chest hair. In the shape of a cat.
Actual comments left on Pornhub + stock photos = the point of the internet.
The origin of today’s Friday Haiku pic is a sordid story of a poker playing multi-millionaire ubersuckwad named Dan Bilzerian. What a steaming load of a waste of human life.
Being a douchebag can get you killed.
Some YouTube comedy channel made the mildly amusing Douche snaps. I really should be getting residuals on these things.
Meanwhile, in Brooklyn: Herpster v. Herpster
Meanwhile, in Wisconsin: Weird beach sex.
Australian douchebags in the news.
Things that happen in a world where things happen: Husband convicted of manslaughter after Dutch Oven goes wrong.
Okay. On that note. Here’s ya go:
Boston is cold and beautiful as your humb narrs brings the BC1 on her East Coast tour.
Friday, November 29, 2013Thanksgiving Thoughts and Links
EDIT: The last pic may have actually featured a special needs guy, and I don’t mock them, so I’ve swapped it out with this collection of classic Vegasian hottie/douchery.
Here’s the rest of the original post:
Kinda a quiet post-turkal Thanksgivukkah here in the DB1’s household. Too quiet.
All the chocolate coins were eaten by mid November. So that’s out.
But I did just learn how to stream video through this magic device called a Roku. You know what that means. Every episode of Black Adder, Red Dwarf, and Fawlty Towers will now commence to be viewed.
Because I plan on a productive weekend.
Here’s yer links:
Your HCwDB Buy Your Christmas/Hannukah Gifts on Amazon After Clicking This Link to Help Support The Site Link of the Week: The first step in telling Time Warner or DirectTV to kiss your black ass goodbye
Do not get drunk in India. No, seriously. Don’t.
Some days I really, really wish I worked for the TSA.
1970s vintage beach shots. Like looking into an alien world at once both similar and dissimilar to our own. Uncanny valley in effect.
My next book: The Douchebag with the Miley Cyrus Tattoo.
Douchey Asian tatts translated (for reals, yo).
Fake tanning douchebleethery: 2.0.
Remember those New Wave/Punk musicians and singers from the 1980s? Lookin’ good.
And yet more dancin’ in the aisles.
Okay, nuff of that silliness. Have some:
Sure it’s digitally altered fantasy. But so’s your moms.
Friday, November 22, 2013Friday Thoughts and Links
Ya know, it’s one set of trashiness when the ladies are getting the frontal tramp stamps to mark their skin with the taint of collective poo.
It’s quite another when average joes like Fwippy are doing it.
Not a good career move, Fwippy.
Combine the Groin Shave Reveal, fwip hair, and tonguedouchery, and it’s enough to kick an aarvark in the sphincter.
But I can’t be too upset. For it’s Friday.
And you know what that means.
Me. Scratching myself. Watching TV. And changing diapers.
Here’s your links:
Your HCwDB Retro Alt Lit Book Pic of the Week: “They’re whackin’ off to it, fer chrissake!”
The day Leonard Nimoy gave a cab ride to John F. Kennedy. An amazing read.
Things that should not happen in life: Dudes in speedos at sporting events. Regardless of whether linkbait borg website Buzzfeed finds him “hot” or not.
So it turns out if you record crickets chirping and slow it down, it sounds like people singing.
Sign #5 that the apocalypse is nigh.
Brothabags, Abs, and Nipple Reveal. (nominally NSFW)
Instagram and the female douchebag.
Qatar stadium looks like a giant, um… oyster.
Here are some porn videos for your weekend entertainment. The greatest of all women, Pornstars in videos here for you to compare you girlfriend or wife with. Once again we have found the best sex videos for you to enjoy until our next update 🙂 (Sponsored Links)
Funny faces in everyday objects. Green pepper faces for the win.
Bleeth. No. Strike that. Awful human being.
Ok, here’s your pear:
And all was settled in Liliputia.
Friday, November 15, 2013Friday Thoughts and Links
Where’s Timmyspike?…
There’s Timmyspike!!
And by Timmyspike, I mean forget Timmyspike, lets focus on that Superman alcoholic taut suckle thigh and Lex Luthor handcuffs.
I’ll take Groin Accoutrements in the center square for the win, Whoopi.
Yup.
Another Friday in the ole’ DB1 household. The cheap consumption of Thunderbird and HoHos has given way to the exhaustion of a little poop maker. And by little poop maker, I mean my butt. Okay no. I mean my kid.
Now I drink for a different reason. To remember longingly the days I used to drink simply to forget. Babypoo’ll do that to an individual.
But all is well in the DB1 household.
Here’s your links:
Your HCwDB Buy Some Shit After Clicking on This Link to Support the Site Link of the Week: “Nothing up my sleeve… and David Blaine is for suckas.”
Hard to believe in the year 2013 there are still giant vortexes of pimple suck wasting oxygen on this plane.
Google is hard at work patenting an electronic throat tattoo. Yup. Time to nuke Peoria.
Donkey Douche loses the hat tilt.
Yet more news from the con game that is online dating.
From Austin, Texas, meet… The Douchewaiter.
Okay, enough of that real world crap. Have some
Insert cream and sugar joke. Oh wait, I just did.
