Thoughts and Links
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Wednesday, September 18, 2013
The Problem with Tattoos
Let this excellent cartoon, so simple in its visual allegory, remind us of why we fight.
Let it speak to a world where flowery peacocking has been transcribed from cloth to skin in an ever increasing exponential circus.
When the mating game’s intensifying competition among the tribe for the attention of the boobie hottie suckle thigh pits man versus iPod in a competition of digital dazzle.
Tattoos are not the problem.
They are but a symptom of a larger rot.
They remind us of how our desires, our self image, our hopes, our dreams, are each carefully molded by an intense landscape of stimulants. Carrots. Sticks. Reward. Punishment.
Do what they say and all will be well.
Fail to conform and be cast from the herd forever.
Friday, September 13, 2013Your Friday Caption This Pic
Between diaper changes and work on a new project, your humb narrs didn’t have time to get any good links together this week.
Well, there is herpster car mock.
And your Amazon Buy Shit Link in honor of Yom Kippur: Jesus Christ Superstar (40th Anniversary Edition)
And this incredibly cool use of digital technology to merge historical crime photos wit contemporary images.
And Tri-Pear.
You’re welcome.
But other than that, I gots the nuthin’.
So while I suck at keeping up this site with the intensity of mock that defined our halcyon days, I do have this.
A Caption This Pic of conversatorial HCwDB.
What the hell do these husk/shells of human beings actually discuss on a daily basis?
And with that, we drift into Friday eve.
And Yom Kippur. Where your humb narrs fasts and repents for my many, many sins. Lets hope Adonai forgives me. I know He has to, but I’m not so sure.
Is it a sin if you only lust in your colon?
Friday, September 6, 2013Friday Thoughts and Links
Remember, kids.
Douchey sunglasses can always be discarded.
Douchey tatts of 19th Century philosopher/poets on one’s forearm are forever.
Hells, I think the great ‘Sock Week already featured this pic, but whatevs. Don’t cost nuthin’.
So Casa Du Baby continues to be a lot of poo and diapers for your humb narras. But I’m carryin’ on.
The mock may be quieter these days.
But it continues.
Like a fine Romulan Ale, it is both strong and blue.
Here’s your links:
Your HCwDB Please Buy Some Shit To Pay For Site Costs Link of the Week: Chris Hardwick would drink a case of this if he thought it would get a two share for his upcoming live chat show, “Talking CSI: Omaha”
For those who missed it, Corey Feldman’s birthday. Where the party gift bag is a lip virus.
Hot Chicks cash in on YouTube by playing mediocre covers. Boobs.
Bored this weekend? Enjoy this fascinating interview with the reclusive director of Risky Business.
Hollywood. Where even the most talented artists inevitably raise douchey-ass teenage shitwads.
Meet Vodka_Samm. Just don’t buy her a drink.
3D imaging shows the tech behind the art.
If you’ve ever wanted to hear the Beatles’ Abbey Road vocal tracks in isolation, and I know you have, here they is. It’s like One Direction mated with the Backstreet Boys.
13 celebrities posing with old versions of themselves. If you’re bored.
Okay, you earned it:
You’re welcome.
Friday, August 30, 2013Friday Thoughts and Links
Ahhh but yes. Sultry Katie floats amid this flotsam of pendulous gut-sacs like a beautiful sprig of fresh Rosemary bobbing around inside a putrid Dutch Oven brimming with sputtering flatulent bratwurst.
What better way to kick off Friday’s Socks und Links. Let the Insanity begin.
Son.
Ahhh, but yes. My home town of Biloxi, MS. We do have our fun, each fall…
Great moments in bad album naming…
First, and Foremost – Praise be unto ALL; the “Mats are finally back together again. 22 years; it’s about effen’ time. Your move, Hüsker Dü…Or…Not.
Another 20 year quest: after considerable research, Bleethe Patient Zero has been found.
Triple-Bag – The Official Beer of the Hall of Scrote™!
Are you already as tired of hearing about Miley’s Slutburst at the VMA’s as Billy Ray is? No problem; just say “BeetleDouche BeetleDouche BeetleDouche” three times and it will all go away!
Oh, you KNOW you want it, you filthy Nerf Herders…Seriously…how far down THAT rabbit hole do you want to follow DarkSock…?
Everyone’s bitchin’ about Ben Affleck being the next Batman…I don’t care. I had my money on ZacMan. You don’t EVEN want to know my other choice. As I’m sure you’ve heard, Batman will be in the next SuperScrote movie.
Speaking of erections lasting more that four hours…this woman just won the National Longsword Competition. **call me?**
Ahhh Hell. I know damn well you Pavlovian Cretins skipped down for dessert. Peh. Here.
Alright, alright. Savages.
And, to go out with a bang, Pear Fair.
You’re welcome. You damn dirty apes.
Friday, August 23, 2013Friday 'Sock and Links
Mulletosis sucks it up for our Friday Thoughts and Links.
The hotlines were open all week and here’s what I gots:
How to start shit while riding around Biloxi, MS.
Exactly what’s going on up there in Pennsylvania?
Way ahead of you, Skippy…
55. That is the answer Madonna gives us to the perrenial question “How old is too old to get a “grill”?
A public safety reminder: Always notify law enforcement officers if you are carrying a concealed weapon.
Another public safety reminder: Do not shove silverware up your urethra.
But you didn’t come here to be safe. I know why you ignored all the above links and just jumped to the bottom here…One more public safety reminder: Excessive fapping can lead to neck strain.
Do You Know How Fast You Were Going Pear
No Time For Questions Just Get In Pear
Son.
Friday, August 16, 2013Friday Thoughts and Link
Babies poo a lot.
Monday, August 5, 2013Carlos the Jagoff and Kim Welcome in BC1
Thanks, Carlos the Jagoff and Kim! It’s nice of you to say that.
Yes, it’s true fellow ‘bag hunters. On Saturday, your humble narrator, DB1, completed his successful spawn with HC1 to produce BC1, or, for the initially impaired, Babychick1.
For evidence of the fruit of your humble narrator’s loins, here she is when she was about four hours old.
I will sing the praises of BC1 as the future uniter of the holy forces of mock that fight the dark douchal arts in a future post.
For now, I have no idea how the hell one of these things works. Send help. Stat.
What does this mean for HCwDB?
Well in addition to sending the house uponst which I mock the ‘bags, feed the alpacas, and milk the tree frogs for supplementary income (in Japan, tree frog milk is considered in aphrodisiac) into chaos, it means the site’s gonna be slow for a bit.
There’ll be posts when I can make them. Oh yes.
Especially since recent submissions via email were of exceptional douche mocking quality.
And there are still clownwads running with the Goose and Mutant Hott Post Apocalyptic Patricia. And the great sidekick to this here site, DarkSock, still needs his Haiku.
After all, if HCwDB doesn’t protect Tasty Suckle Hotts on Bicycles from this guy, then we will never know what makes an ocean wave wave.
Hang in there. At least that’s what I keep telling myself.
Friday, August 2, 2013Friday Thoughts and Links
As Nostradouchemas foretold…
When the Pink Satin Kingdouche fondles Kelly, then the world will openeth and farteth lo the smelliest of farteths.
Hey, don’t argue with me. It’s Nostradouchemas.
As your humb narrs and HC1 are preparing to welcome in BC1 (Babychick1) any day now, things have been a little crazy in the DB1 household.
Apparently, sitting around, scratching your ass, eating HoHos and watching DVDs of Tom Baker era Doctor Who when a baby is about to arrive is frowned upon in this establishment.
As is proposing “free poop zones” in the den.
So not a ton of links today. But I do what I can do.
Here’s your links:
Your HCwDB Buy Some Shit and Support the Site Link: Still the greatest videogame of all time.
Millennials hate to drive Ruining their body and soul with bad piercings, tatts, and anti-intellectualism remain no problem.
Penelope Cruz has a new ad that makes me feel funny in the special place.
New evidence has arisen that site favorite Champagne Katie is actually… Sheertina. Because I have the facial recognition skills of an arthritic ferret.
If you like your doucheposes without hotts, and you probably don’t, here’s last week’s Mr. Champ flexin.
And the 89th most beautiful woman in the world is… April Rose. And Adonai said, ‘let there be fap! And there was fap.”
Okay, ready for some pear? First up
Just to see how your vision is. Is it good? Okay. Then you’re ready for
Like a large and succulent melonpocalpyse.
Friday, July 26, 2013Friday Thoughts and Links
Do you already hate Mister Tony as much as I do?
Do you realize his clownish antics in presence of hot chicks contains none of the joir de vive we come to associate with the finest of top shelf ‘bags that we mock on this site?
If so, I agree with you.
Mister Tony is hereby banished to the netherlands of nonmock.
No, not even if we wears ridiculous getups like this.
Paid to clown Vegas doucheclowns have no business being on such a classy site as HCwDB.
Oh wait. Yeah, I guess they do.
My standards are as shrunken as a baseball player’s nads.
Here’s yer links:
Here’s an accessory from the life change that’s about to befall your humble narrator.
Forget Weiner. Vote Boner.
Douchey ad campaigns. Still out there.
Amazing article on the early days of Queen and the diva-ness of Freddie Mercury.
I’m pretty sure this is one of my ex-girlfriends.
Jimmy Kimmel exposes Cochella attendees as idiotic herpster posers.
Explaining women in one satirical video clip: It’s not about the nail!
In England, a 14 year old girl Fights the Bleeth.
And then there’s champagne delivered by skydiving. For the idiot who has everything and likes to waste resources.
Okay, you’ve been good. Here you go:
You’re welcome.
Friday, July 19, 2013Friday Thoughts and Links
The now pensive Unholy Grieco sits amidst his art and contemplates the Grieco Virus that He unleashed uponst the world.
Back when He was just a scrotey Hollywood greaser. A clueless Origin Douche setting the template for decades of douchebags to come.
And, of course his Original Sin, to grease and taint the purity of The Holy Bleeth.
Those endless mid-90s nights.
Oh so long ago.
How the world has changed on you, Grieco. What a scary, alien place it is today in our post Jersey Shore world. The Grieco is sad.
And, in a way, I’m sympathetic for the greasy Grieco’s sad and lonely plight.
But at least the insular world of crappy abstract art holds some form of solitary resonance for Sad Grieco. Like the Trappist Monks of yore, the Grieco can meditate and allow his mind to go fully blank. Which, if you think about it, is really for the best for all those involved.
Yes, the Grieco meditates.
And so does the DB1.
Here’s your links:
Wanna help pay the bills around here? Why not join Amazon Prime?
So I randomly stumbled across this great interview with iconic director Martha Coolidge. She of “Real Genius” masterwork. Well worth a read. Loved the dish on working with the late, great, apparently slightly dickish John Hughes.
When planning on robbing a bank, best not to try the Wizard invisible strategy.
Pictures of the summer of ’69. No, not that ’69 ya perv.
Justin Timberlake continues on his long road to post boy-band redemption with this r-rated video that’s kind of a ballsy choice.
Posing DJs. Or, as I like to call them, “iPods that bleed.”
Okay, nuff of that. Here ya go:
Real world firmness that is understated, yet quarter bouncing.
