Thoughts and Links
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Friday, March 1, 2013
Friday Thoughts and Links
And there it is.
A bored pec-tatt zombie stumbling through life like a retarded yeti in search of primordial boobs, living the unthinking, unexamined life of the basest kind.
And there are the boobs of deliverance.
The comedy of life continues.
So your humb narrs has become ridiculous infatuated with peanut butter and jelly sandiwches of late.
Theories abound.
Is this a need to return to the comfort foods of childhood?
A way of satiating the stomach with consumptive innocence as an act of resistance to the deepening sands of time as they pass by?
Alls I know is a good PB&J on toast, washed down with some Dr. Pepper, is what makes life worth a’livin’.
It smacks the wildebeasts of depressive discourse away.
It holds back the raging, surging waters of ephemeral turmoil.
And so, for that, I munch.
Here’s your links:
Your HCwDB DVD German Expressionist Silent Film Masterpiece Pick of the Week: ……… (no quotes because it’s a silent film)………………
Would you say… I have a plethora of pinatas?
Married? Bored? Here’s one way to spice things up.
For the Girls fans among us (and you know you’re out there), Lena Dunham pwned.
Tag Bodyspray goes down!! We are winning.
The DB1 finds blow-up satisfaction.
Surprising no one in the history of anything, a Miami-Dade Prosecutor turns out to be a… you guessed it.
Oakland defensive tackle Desmond Bryant perfects the art of the Doucheface Mugshot.
Aussie Douchebags. Just like American Douchebags, but much more polite.
And in other news: What Girls Gone Up must Girls Gone Down.
But. Alas. There can be only two loaves of perfection:
You’re welcome.
Friday, February 22, 2013Friday Thoughts and Links
Coincedentally, “Creepy Euro Stench and Sexy Hot Chicks on a Motorboat” was also the first name of my high school band.
Yes, I’ve used that joke before.
And I’ll use it again.
Because after like 7,000 posts on the same joke, there’s a little redundancies alls up in this place.
Today’s a mini-links day, as your humb narrs runs around doing all sorts of errands and such for the real world as it calls.
So here’s ya go:
If there’s one item that must be purchased to complete a well-lived life, it is this.
Think douche-hair is a thing of the past? Think again.
Hot Boob With Douchebag (sorta NSFW)
What’s not a good name for a public park? This is not a good name for a public park.
Hoping to get a job that pays more than minimum wage for pouring Slurpies at the Snappy Snak Shak? Tuff Luck.
Okay. You’ve earned it:
Hut Hut Hut Hut Hut!!!
Friday, February 15, 2013Friday Thoughts and Links
It’s Friday, bitches!!
And like that Rebecca Black song that went down the memory hole after Winston Smith cut out any mentions of it from our collective brainstem cloud consciousness, it is something something.
And by something, I mean retro stupid herpster assmunch.
So’s I got that going for me.
That, and Hollywood smells like John Madden’s Fast Actin’ Tinactin decided to act slowly, and instead turncoat joined forces with CGI animated foot fungus.
Foot fungus.
It’s like spores. Only on your feet.
Yup.
Babblin’ like a fish that needs a bicycle.
Tell ’em, Bono. Okay Edge! Play the blues!.
Here’s your links:
Your HCwDB Early 1990s DVD Box Set of the Week: “Shut Yer Stinkin’ Trap!”
The late, great Skweezy Jibbs does Tha Harlem Shake. Guggenheim, I says.
What’s better than a hot swimsuit model? A hot funny swimsuit model.
What’s the best way to repair a car in Florida? Play-doh. Sounds like the driver will be the one saying doh! Aha! Ahahaha! Haha… heh. meh.
Two minutes of nothing but goats yelling like humans. I had a similar experience. But it was with alpacas. And it is private.
Not the best name for a flower shop.
What’s the greatest everything in the history of everything? This is the greatest everything in the history of everything.
Okay, enough of that. Lets get to the goods:
not enough? Have some
For it is all that spring’s blossoms promise of tilt-a-whirl imagination.
Friday, February 8, 2013Friday Thoughts and Links
Okay kids, time to play another round of “Homeless or Herpster”! It’s the easiest game to play in the world!! Every guess is correct and everybody loses!!
Yup.
Undies Kelly makes the cockles of my hearth glow fond with burning ember.
The weekend is here. And it is weekendy.
I dunno, I keep hearing about this massive snowstorm but it’s 75 and sunny out. Huh.
Here’s your links:
Your HCwDB Classic ’80s DVD Pick of the Week: “This is the Cosby decade! America loves black people!”
Angry Ink rants about the four worst trendy tattoos. John Mayer’s body is still not a wonderland.
Meanwhile in England, celebrities you never heard of flash sideboob.
I have ambiguous feelings about this being a tattoo: Death Before Duckface.
Your humble narrator may just cancel his suicide plans after all.
Smartphone app to predict penis size. Owning a white BMW 535 also a pretty accurate gauge.
Okay. You’ve worked for it.
Wait for it…
Wait for it…
Not enuff? Okay. Have some
There ya go. You’re all set. Bundle up, East Coast. God’s dandruff’s about to bury you.
Friday, February 1, 2013Friday Thoughts and Links
Remember when you were a kid and your mom would warn you about some van that was abducting kids from the playground using candy?
Here’s the douchepug equivalent.
Tempt the hotties with Vitamin Water, or various tasty cola products that only a Bra!! could approve of.
Drive to the beach.
Molest said hotties with various sundry lotions purchased through an on-line massage oil conglomerate.
At least that’s how Eddie, Manny, and Vincenzio roll.
Here’s your links:
Your HCwDB DVD Pick of the Week: “If it bends, it’s funny! If it breaks, it isn’t funny!”
The Pontiac Aztec is the new douchecar.
In need of some poetic imagery this weekend? The old grand palace movie theaters take on additional grandeur even as they decay.
Mmmm… stolen alpaca.
Isn’t this how the Tycho Brahe died?
Okay, nuff of that crap. Here’s ya go:
Na na na na na na na na na na na nana…
Not enough? Okay, have some:
In the Woods Fancy Car Doesn’t Make Sense Pear
That’ll do ya.
Friday, January 25, 2013Friday Socks and Links
As Lurch McRoofie waits for it to kick in, so shall we kick in our Friday Thoughts and Links.
I must admit I was not quite prepared to take the helm as DB1 succumbed to corn syrup coma; that’s why this week’s been a little shaky. One can only imagine DB1, burnt out and zombielike, stuffing Twinkie after Twinkie into his mouth, like a hellish Pez dispenser in reverse… What was he thinking? What could have possibly triggered his actions?
Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffin’ glue.
Having the site land in my lap really wrecked my plans; I was going to have my lovely girlfriend over, serenade her with my six-string, and then enjoy some quality time with her. Maybe catch a musical. Or a horror flick. Or both.
No matter; I’ll handle it because I am a professional. And when he returns I’ll hand the staff of power back to him. Because there can be only one.
Well, those are my links. It seems like I’m forgetting something though…
Oh, yeah…Pictures of Pear!
And, of course, A Street Pear Named Desire.
Hmmmm…still so many surplus pears. I may have to disburse them tonight for a very special HCwDB After Dark.
Friday, January 18, 2013Friday Thoughts and Links
— Insert standard hookah/hooker joke here —
Nice hair, Vazquez. May all your tacos be taint.
So, yeah.
HCwDB’s rocky journey into the future continues. Bumps and crashes. Bumps and crashes.
Kinda like when I snuck into the Limelight as a teenager in NYC in the early 1990s and unsuccessfully hit on a sexy Long Island princess while “Groove is in the Heart” was spun by the DJ. Nothing worked right after that. I blame the bubble room.
Who the hell knows where the site goes in 2013. I sure don’t know.
Is it fun anymore? Is it funny?
Do actual blogs even have relevancy in a customized scrolling world of feeds and lists?
Sheeeiiiittt..
Wells, I can always drown my sorrows in some wood grain.
Here’s your links:
Your HCwDB Depressive DVD Pick of the Week: “Mommy? Why is Steve Guttenberg in this? I thought it was a drama?”
In Ole’ Miss, the URC races alone.
The Greatest Cotton Candy in the World.
Bagimi. No I don’t really get it either.
In groin-shaving news, Bikini Waxing Decreases Pubic Lice. So I got that going for me.
The Mayerbag is still trying to redeem himself. Still eternally damned to douche mock.
Okay. I got nothin’. So lets get to the goods:
Doughy but in all the right ways. Or perhaps Poppin’ Fresh?
Friday, January 11, 2013Friday Thoughts and Links
Scarfwadius the III defines herspterism for 2013.
Betty Blue makes my loincloth swing through Tarzania on a super-vine of booble poke.
No idea what that means.
Okay, so the first week of group-posts was a bit chaotic. But hey, the regs brought something new to my otherwise redundant postings. HCwDB has to grow and change with the time. “Blogs” are so 2010. Or so Reddit tells me.
And until and unless I can invent a modal cross-platform aggregator of content, that’ll do, Pig, that’ll do.
Uhm, yeah.
It’ll figure itself out.
Here’s your links:
Your HCwDB optional kitchen appliance pick of the week: “Is that ice cream in your kitchen or are you just glad to see me?”
How’s Las Vegas keeping up with the recession? Now there’s a pool where the douche is R-Rated.
Are there douchebags in India? Yes thank you, come again. I hate myself for making that obvious joke.
It just got a little dusty in here.
PeeWee Football star A.J. McClean or whatever is dating a trending hottie and has a ridiculously douchey Jesus-bling tatt.
Bro-ba Fett for the win.
Uberhott Semitic pole vaulter Allison Stokke, once stalked by HCwDB’s own Mr. Biggs, is now his Twitter-friend. I like a story with a happy pearing.
And if you like stories with happy Pearings, I give you:
Thick and succulent. Enjoy your Friday, kids.
Friday, January 4, 2013Friday Thoughts and Links
“Stingrays Aluvva thaa boobiesss!!!”
I have no idea why I picture a short, squat, Italian pizza man witnessing this event and proclaiming that sentence with pride.
But I do.
That’s my fantasy and I’m sticking to it.
Well, that and this dreamscape from last night.
It’s a brave new world here at HCwDB in 2013.
Anything can happen!
And by anything, it means your humb narrs sitting around in his living room, lying on his still-stained rug, scratching his crotch is vigorous vertical motions, enjoying a Yoplait yogurt, and watching Drew Carey sleepwalk through The Price is Right.
Here’s no Bob.
But few are.
Remember to spay and neuter your ‘bags.
Here’s your links:
Your HCwDB DVD Pick of the Week: “Knight jumps queen! Bishop jumps queen! Pawns jump queen! *Gangbang*!”
This geniusness gave me a Jewish Comedygasm. And have you tried getting borscht stains off of your pants? (done in Seinfeld voice)
Have a young daughter? Want to turn her into a Bleeth? Now there’s a kit!
Save the Horses! Sex and the Ponies?
Oompa Loompas wanted for crimes in the U.K. Joey Porsche wanted for questioning.
Okay, enough of my shenanigans. Have some Pear:
Or as I like to call it, Ups.
Friday, December 7, 2012Friday Thoughts and Links
The 2012 Douchie Awards, a much smaller and intimate affair, begin on Monday.
Mongor’s ready.
Are you?
Speaking of Mongor head sheen, I haven’t seen plastique forehead like that since the Millennium ‘Bag back in the halcyon days.
But I dither.
For I forlornly eat my HoHos and stare at the milky sky.
Here’s yer links:
Your HCwDB Israeli Indie Cinema Great Hanukkah Gift DVD Pick of the Week: “I’m on the verge of giving up on you.”
Chevos the Movie, a Kickstarter project run by a fist-pumping anal wart, may be the douchiest thing I’ve seen in months. Props to this blog for summing up the ridiculous scrotosity.
How to promote a comedy starring your annoying wife? Feature Megan Fox Boobies.
No matter how bad your high school experience was, at least you never had your jock inspected. Or did you?
Yup. The mid 1980s. When the DB1 reached puberty. And when high school kids were all played by actors in their mid 30s.
Wanna know the exact moment your humb narrs realized puberty in 1985? Right here.
It’s beginning to look a lot like a douchey-ass dubstep herpster Christmassss…
Wanna see the HCwDB equivalent of “The Ring?” Don’t look in the mirror.
Okay, so’s my links got nuthin’ this week. At least there’s Pear:
For the angelic mofo win thatsswhatisetalkinbout.
