Benzino Mocks you with Mongor Like Stare
Chloe’s belly pooch is made more charming by her shy insecurities over her nose. Rachel parties hard, man. She parties hard.
Benzino the Benzbag Greases Soho Sophia
Benzino is a creepy hemorrhoidal taint that has been infecting hotts on the site in various forms for many a moon. Benzino made his inglorious debut back in March in The Unholy Pear Fondle.
Now factor in this greasing of Soho Sophia and it is a bridge too far. This aggression will not stand, man.
For the Benzino is quite the curious douchal legend in the making. Witness the taint-by-association with various other douchal legends:
Benzino with Peter Pumpin’head
Benzino with The King and Various Vegas Woo Hotts
Yowza. That’s a serious douche run. And with plenty of hott chicks to warrant full HCwDB mock.
Is Benzino a late contender for the Yearly?
Roboschwing Locate Boobies
Intruder alert, says the bouncing boobface.
This atrocity calls for some retro arcade pear counterbalance for sanity to remain.
There Will Be Flood
Kinda hard to wake up for a day of douche mock after Travis Bickle’s flood finally came. My thoughts are with my long-time former neighborhood, The East Village.
While Avenue A definitely needed a cleansing after years of Summer Camp for the Disenfranchised ™, this was probably not the best methodology.
Douche mock to continue shortly. But let this post stand with all those digging out this morning.
D.J. Zack McDickwad is Why We Fight On
As long as D.J. Zack McDickwad still exits, rubbing the fertile thighs of slutty hott party woos, then we fight on.
If not for the kids, then for the suckle poke.
Kids and suckle poke should probably not be in the same sentence, even if the verbal transitory clause makes it clear that two distinct conceptual allusions are being used purely as contrasting referents.
Jenny from the Boat Upgrades to Coors
Just like Jenny from the Boat upgraded her latest herp partner from Billy (not pictured) to Marty McJesusneck.
Do not ask about Billy.
No one asks about Billy.
Not since the linguini incident.
Gang of Schlongwanks and Angie approve of Baron Von Goolo's job hosting HCwDB Last Week
Gang of Schlongwanks and Angie also approve of fluffernutter milkshakes.
And no, fluffernutter milkshakes is not a euphemism for collective coitus in a dirty bathroom stall in the Burger King off I-73.
They actually sell them.
At McDowell’s.
Ask for Akeem.
Von Goolo of the Week: Baron Von Goolo (not pictured, it's HCwDB after all)
A hearty and blood sucking round of applause for the brilliant and eviscerating mock brought to the site last week by the great Baron Von Goolo.
BvG is one of the longest tenured ‘bag mockers, a scholar and a gentleghoul, and a true American Vampiric slayer.
The often underexplored connection between Jesus bling and douchebaggery suggests a gothic horror tradition long lurking beneath the surfaces of the ‘bag mock. BvG was our perfect guide into that netherworld on this Hallow’s Eve.
For those of you anywhere within walking/driving/flying distance of Portland, be sure to stop by Frighttown and say hi to Baron.
Your humb narrs is back from a week of alpaca shaving.
And by alpaca shaving, I mean meditating on the relationship between jelly dong and ham dangle.
Lets do this.
