Sven Pumper Approves of the HCwDB of the Week
Sven Pumper and his Gaggle of Teutonic Hotts approve of the HCwDB of the Week with a hearty chant of “Sie ist sehr gut!” followed by an invigorating discussion of genetic hierarchy, the importance of eugenics-based sterilizations of the undesirables as defined by the Norse Gods of Aryan legend.
HCwDB of the Week: Sleepy Jerkenstein and Cindy
There was no doubt which toxic cohabit was enough to flyswat an innocent Northwestern Tree Badger in the gonadal region.
Sleepy Jerkenstein not only wants to share trivial facts with you, as tattooed on his eyelds, but he pollutes the purity of bongo thigh cuddle that is a phantasmic bikini clad imagined Cindy who giggles in the pool and then climbs out and says, “Hi Brad… you know how cute I always thought you were.”
As Wheezer so astutely pointed out in the comments thread, Sleepy Jerkenstein and Cindy also contributing to this future award winning HCwDB artwork, “Innocence and Poo Face.”
That being said, The Unholy Pear Fondle is an HCwDB award winning collision of image detritus in its own right. In a normal week, it would’ve won (lost). But not against Sleepy J.
Other pics of note, Vazquez and the Pear, Tony Cappacino’s oldbaggery, The Lion, The Witch and the Fung, and our discussion of the Pabst Blue Ribbon Herpster Complex.
But there was no taking down the Sleepy and the Cindy. Awful, awful wrongness.
Your humble narrator flies back to smoggy Los Angeles on cheap party bus limo airline, Virgin America.
Origins of the word "Douchebag"
Booger was a visionary, far ahead of his time and place.
Comment of the Week: Doucheywallnuts
The on-fire-in-2012 ‘bag hunter and Hall of Mock enshrinee Doucheywallnuts wins another CotW with this epic takedown of Oldbaggery in the Tony Cappaccino thread:
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This is a photo of Skinny D’Amato, he of the famous ass punch. He went into the witness protection program 15 years ago with the new name of Corky Callahan. He had been doing work for the Scarfo crime family out of Philly and was a major enforcer in Atlantic City when the Feds caught up to him.
He had been working as a co-producer and correographer of the nightly lounge shows at Trump’s Taj Majal. And by co-producer and correographer of the nightly lounge shows at Trump’s Taj Majal, I mean he was collecting the vig for the Scarfo boys and making sure the boardwalk concessions were making their kickback payments on time and in the proper amount.
The Feds caught up with him by accident. They were running some undercover bunko sting with some of the dealers and lounge waitresses, and Skinny had ass punched one of the dealers who owed the Scarfos money. They found one of Skinny’s cuff links in the guy’s anus, which led to a whole chain of unfortunate (for Skinny) chain of events that resulted in Skinny rolling on the Scarfos.
Skinny moved out to Scottsdale where he opened an exotic bird and fish store under his new identity, and stopped punching guys in the ass. Yep that’s I’m alright.
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Thassa spicy meatball. Good work DW.
Friday Thoughts and Links
Your humble narrator wanders the streets of eerily warm Boston. Avoiding the Massholes.
Oggling collegiate hotts that wander among the downtown wide colonial streets like so many displaced gazelles.
Fratbags abound on the T.
Bostondouche is a distinct subset of the larger New England Clam Choader.
It is the home of my youth, and the home that I fled for larger pastures in NYC the moment I turned 18.
And so it goes, as Vonnegut told us. And so it goes.
Here’s your links:
Your HCwDB Musical Pick of the Week: “If you wanna be profound, if you really gotta justify, take a breath and look around, a lot of folks deserve to die! “
A reader submits this pic of the ‘bag parties going on at the South by Southwest festival. A wretched hive of douche and herpstery.
For the few of you who missed it last week, The Kony2012 filmmaker guy is a masterbatory herpsterbag.
Awful Tatts. Still out there. Still an affront to the Torah.
With the inexplicable success of the 21 Jump Street remake, The Unholy Grieco is back in the news.
Michael Bay: Hollydouche.
The Ab Revealing copycat of HCwDB’s 2007 sensation, The Ab Lobster, The Jersey Shore’s “The Situation,” may or may not be in drug rehab.
Best wishes to the great Jerry Lewis, who celebrated his 86th birthday last week. My life will not be complete until I am able to see Lewis’s 1972 unreleased film, The Day the Clown Cried.
But you are not here for creepy early 1970s urban legend garish and trite filmic reductions of Holocaust trauma. You are here for Pear:
Go forth and celebrate. For Pear is here.
Vazquez Says, "Mucho Buena Assplaso!!"
I sorta like Vazquez. Hell, it’s Friday. Have a nottadouche and a goinpeace.
Friday Haiku
Hark! Beldar ConeHead
Consuming mass quantities
Of Goose and Valtrex
Frank will demonstrate
With Kim his new “Butt Juicer”
Sit and spin on head
— saulgoode42
Vegas offers odds
That bandana hides bald spot
Even money bet
— Charles Nelson Douchely
Bandana covers
odd dome, pinstripe suit hides moobs
Bleeth hides dad issues
— Capt. James T. Douche
Pinky’s dress so short
another inch and the world’s her
gynecologist
— SonnyChibaChoad
With no money left
After buying watch. Brett quit the
Rogaine. Wears bad lamp.
— The Reverend Chad Kroeger
The message is clear
This douchebag needs an ass punch
An ass punch, I says
— Doucheywallnuts
Sleepy Jerkenstein Shares Knowledge With Cindy
“Did you know that every time you lick a stamp you’re consuming 1/10th of a calorie?”
“Did you know that Antarctica is the only continent without reptiles or snakes?”
“Did you know that Heinz ketchup leaving the bottle travels at 25 miles per year?”
“Did you know that Armadillos can be housebroken?”
“Did you know that peanuts are one of the ingredients in dynamite?”
“Did you know that a hummingbird weighs less than a penny?”
“Did you know that the sore located in my upper thigh area is, in fact, infectious?”
Reader Mail: Phil is Inappropriate
Kellen writes up with a disturbing tale of Fratbaggery:
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DB1,
Sandwiched between these two sexy country girls is my buddy Phil. Phil likes to hunt, fish, and drink. When he drinks whiskey, he turns into a db.
His favorite game is Aliens. This is where Phil sneaks up behind a girl, thrusts his arm between her legs, and high fives her Mons Veneris. Apparently this is to replicate the eponymous scene where the Alien rips out of the guy’s chest, but nobody ever seems to get the joke but Phil.
– Kellen
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Uhm, I’m not sure where Phil comes from, but last I read, walking up to women and slapping them in inappropriate places is not a game called “Aliens.” It is a game called “Drink-in-Face and Lawsuit.”
Tony Cappaccino Has Breath Mints and Arthritis Medication
His joint is swole.
