'Stachey Keach and the Bronzer Twins Approve of the HCwDB of the Week
You know what cures lupus?
‘Stache.
HCwDB of the Week: The Lickwipe and Sexy Poochtickle Trina
Your humble narrator continues his New York adventures to mock all things choadal, and covet the purity of the milkshake suckle thigh.
Little known fact, the working title for Raiders IV was actually “Indiana Jones and the Purity of the Milkshake Suckle Thigh.” Or at least it should’ve been.
Nuked fridge my ass.
This week’s winning/losing coupling was not a hard choice at all. Although there was legit options. The Beachbongery of the Comment of the Week, Frooey Buttafuco, the spike of Shmuckholio, Joseph’s Amazing Technicolor Pukecoat, and, of course, Mozo the Asian Zen Philosopher.
Thassa lotta choadalpuke.
Meanwhile Wee Willy Crimson has gone straight to the Closet of Poo. Do not pass Go. Do not collect carcinoma.
But there can be only one coupling. And one it is. The DB1 for raspberry pancakes.
Wonka (Remix)
No douchebags on this Sunday, just a bit of remix goodness.
Comment of the Week: Baron Von Goolo
The legendary undead and vampiric Baron Von G discusses Crazy Eyes Karen and wins the coveted HCwDB of the Week:
———
If the eyes are the window to the soul, CEKaren’s window is narrowed and barred, allowing only a dim shaft of dusty light to illuminate the dank stone room where her shattered dreams huddle in a corner, weeping softly to an audience of centipedes and daddy issues. Or maybe she’s just had too much Red Bull.
——–
Friday Thoughts and Links
If there’s one stain that I find hardest to get off my shoes after a vigorous round of street pilates, it’s Aging Rocker Choad.
I’ve read that lemon juice and yak spittle helps to get the grime of failed teenage dreams off one’s shoe after stepping into the residue of years of mediocre bar gigs and unpaid medical bills. And no, momentary affections from Giggle Kelly will not rescind the dark voices of fear that Aging Rocker Choad’s cold and distant Father was correct after all.
Your humble narrator prowls the streets of New York City with wandering eye of boobie hottie suckle thigh, East Coast Librarian Hott edition.
Burgers and weight gain are on the weekend agenda.
Here’s your links:
Your HCwDB French DVD Pick of the Week: “It’s an amazing thing really, when you think about it, we learn life’s most important lessons from TV.”
This week in douche-trends: Mantyhose! Or, as the kids call it, ‘Brosiery.’
Maureen Dowd, the always hip and cutting edge editorial writer at the New York Times, gets down with the kids and jumps on the “What’s Wrong with Men?” bandwagon.
Epic Fail blog brings the Moob Fail.
For those who haven’t seen this, visionary director Sam Gavite takes us behind the scenes of a “Skweezy Jibbs” video shoot.
Vegas brings the herpster subtext into the text.
In Russia, Transvestite Vampire Douche Freaks ‘bag hunt you!
Duckface: The Race for the Cure
But you are not here for Duckface Cure. Well, perhaps you are. But you are also here for Pear. And so Pear shall be:
Go forth and celebrate the Ides of Jane March.
Froey Buttafucco
What’s that?…
In the distance…
That strange buzzing noise…
Why… it’s a Blueberry Snot Pie!!
And it’s whizzing… right… towards… Winkolio’s face…
SPLAT!!
I would chew through legion of intertwined dancing licorice koalas just for the chance to softly rub the childhood blankie of the Malaysian seamstress who helped vulcanize the rubber that produced Lindsey’s taut boobal sweat. And then I would repose with a port wine, and read her Chaucer.
Friday Haiku
Every one of us
Has a little douche in them;
Including these girls.
A midget sandwich
Is always unappealing
Even with bleeth bread
— Doucheywallnuts
Banishment from the
Lollipop Guild turned Herman
to the douchey side.
— Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche
Asian Jill is blazed
Pam’s clearly drunk; while Jim’s like,
“Where my shorties at?!”
— saulgoode42
wee man’s pick up line:
“I was an ewok, baby”
blondie thinks, “why not?”
— Douche Springsteen
Somewhere in the scaffolds
Johnny Knoxville prepares to
Let go a brown shower.
— The Reverend Chad Kroeger
At the Star Wars Wrap
Ewoks go Berserk with Booze!
There was just one pint.
— Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt
"Innocence and Poo Face"
A solid entrant for the 2012-era period of HCwDB found art aesthetics that will eventually find celebration in my triumphant exhibit at the Guggenheim Museum in 2023.
Pop Quiz
Somewhere in this pic of random and inchoate Vegasian happenstance, I’ve carefully hidden a burdensome and garish six pound wrist watch.
Look closely.
Can you boobs?
M. Night Shamaload
Chin Pubes and necktatts are no way to hit on the burgeoning and pre-largeman Daniella Sisters, M. Night.
Just for that, I’mma take away your (fill in the blank in the comments threads).
I see your crazed Mayan Eye of Coitus Daniella #1. You hang on the precipice of de-eroticized transition, but refuse with hearty steadfastedness to go gentle into that good night.
