Assikus Anonymous Tours New Hampshire
When Mona dropped out of Mass Art to tour New England with the Berklee School of Music’s underground sensation, “Assikus Anonymous,” she had no idea it would lead her so far astray from her artistic dreams, and so close to Denny’s Parking lots instead.
Dream Skeever
Inside Dream Skeever is a boy who just wants to be loved.
By two chicks at the same time.
Yup, it’s movie reference Monday.
Guy You Know is An Even Bigger Douche Than the Picture Reveals Guy
Not the most succinct or poetic name, but it’s Monday.
Chinscrap sideburns for the collective societal mock.
Oh ambiguously Quartasian Lindsey. How I would softly hum harmonic convergences in a deep barritone and pretend to like Downton Abbey just for the chance to rucksack your lederhosen at the African Education Conference.
HCwDB of the Week: Lord Helmet and Vespa Hott
From the Friday haiku, is there any greater societal violation going on right now than Lord Helmet and Mayan Eye of Coitus tempress, Vespa Hott (names courtesy of douche wayne)? I think not.
Heh. Hott and not rhyme. Whod’a thunk it?
I do not think ‘ere shall I see,… a poo as lovely as a pee.
But I digress.
As I’m still recovering from the rancid boil that was Norway Thursday, I’mma spare ya the links/recap. Lets just say last week had a lot of HC and DB in cohabit.
But none worse than this atrocity.
Chalk ’em for the next Monthly, and your humble narrator for instant oatmeal and raisins.
"Douchey Douchey Doo, Where Are You?"
More from the body of work done in the wake of HCwDB peak back in 2009-2010 comes this mildy amusing cartoon. And since I can’t take another douchey rap video, figured it’ll pass the time on this lazy Sunday.
Comment of the Week: Medusa Oblongata
Resident gorgon M.O. takes down the rich asswipe that is Z and wins the coveted HCwDB of the Week:
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Possibly the greatest pleasure I could have all day would be to walk past him, and with a deft and angry flick of my wrist, flip that drink up in the air and splatter him in cranberry puss cocktail. And as he stood there, gasping, his white outfit now sloppily tie-dyed red, I’d look back, lock eyes with him and growl, “That’s for being a twat.”
Twatterflies
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Friday Thoughts and Links
Douchebags.
Still out there.
Still making stupid faces at cameras while ignoring hott pear and standing in Vegas pools, while awaiting a court date for failing to pay child support to that bitch who like totally lied and it wasn’t his fault, and he was drunk anyway, so what are you lookin’ at?
Or something like that.
Here’s your links:
Your HCwDB Comic Book Pick of the Week: “Man it stanks!… Lets run over Lionel Richie with a tank!”…
Twinkies workers threaten strike. The DB1’s world is about to collapse upon itself.
Do not click on this link: Beach Bleeth Bleach Blech. Told you not to click on that link.
Untreatable gonorrhea is on the way. Or, as I like to call it, Scottsdale.
Maybe it’s a little goofy, but I firmly support the mission statement of the Guerrilla Hugs Project. It may seem silly, but the world really would be a better place if people got hugged a bit more. Provided all hugs come from hotties in the 18-24 demo.
Speaking of Van Halen, the teacher from Van Halen’s early 1980s video “Hot For Teacher” is still uber-hott at 60. Yes, she’s 60. Got it made, got it made, got it made.
It’s true. We’re through the looking glass. Douchebag parking lot frolic has passed through absurdity and reached the sublime.
Here’s your pear:
Commence “Schlitz” jokes… now.
Reader Mail: Hardycar
Wedgie writes in:
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DB1:
I snapped this photo on Friday 2/10 while visiting a client in Coronado, an island city just across the bay from downtown San Diego. This is an affront to all of mankind, but is particularly galling by its presence on this most hallowed isle. For Coronado, as all patriotic U.S. Americans know, is both the birthplace of Seal Team 1, and the current residence for Seal Teams 1,3,5 & 7.
Not having any ordnance at my immediate disposal, I did the next best thing that came to mind, and peed on the rear bumper. In honor of Darksock.
We must keep up the fight. Remember, fellow hunters, it is always darkest before dawn.
Regards,
Wedgie
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It’s like a castrated gonorrheal elephant nad. Shaped like a car.
Good work, Wedgie. The battle continues.
Friday Haiku
Sheen head and Christ crotch,
Sophie’s Mayan Eye beckons,
God punishes all.
Oh Christ on a crotch
Victoria’s secret is
Wayne Rooney troll doll
— ehcuodouche
Her head points to West
Since the gyroscope was put
In his monkey head.
— The Reverend Chad Kroeger
Jill lost her eyebrows
Not to worry; Bob shaved his
And loaned them to her
— saulgoode42
She’s just waiting for
showing of “Brokeback Mountain”
on douche’s forehead.
— Dr. Bunsen Honeydouche
Geometric styles
Fractal swirls and squares in black
That’s lost on these two.
— Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt
Druish Vespa Hott
Her boobies have gone to plaid
Lord Helmet giggles.
— douche wayne
scribble shirt douche poo
bald head stuck in tanning bed
Sophie’s globes shine through
— SonnyChibaChoad
