Not Peaches
There is only one Peaches.
But since your humble narrator is amped up on caffeine and tasty processed flavored sugar snack cakes, lets all celebrate some random pear:
Because I’m generous like that.
Z Has More Money Than You
Fading splotches of dyed douche hair remind the world that Z will spend Aunt Thelma’s trust fund on expensive yacht parties until the proletariat drag him out from his castles and strip-tar and feather him for being an undeserving puke like, deep down, he knows he deserves.
Six pound watches and white parties for the aristocratic loss.
I don’t judge Marcie for doing what she has to do to get through nursing school. But really, I don’t judge her because I’m too busy theoretically poking side boob with a stale breadstick while greasing myself up with crisco and dancing the Watusi.
Chinstrap McAdams Buys Kelly and Ashley a Mai Tai
Don’t look now ladies, but Chinstrap McAdams is about to get cozier.
Lithe Blonde Kelly may be fierce, and I may be slightly intimidated, but I would still pooch sparkle. Oh yes. Like a winter gardenia pancake, I would flapjack those boogie board roller derbies like a disco gajinga bell smackle.
Many of those words may not be words in the strictest sense. But boobs.
HCwDB of the Week: The Uberbros and Pear Alice
While the violent wretchitude of Biker Mike Asshatsky and Bartender Hottie Heather would’ve been enough to win (lose) in a normal week, last week was not a normal week.
There was Champagne Katie barely losing out on the Hall of Hott (rules state about a 75% yea vote for entrance).
There was the uberhottness of Beach Cheryl and Mayan Eye of Coitus Suzanne.
There was Awkward Hair Kiss and the tomfoolery of Foolio’s Crotch.
Thatssa lotta HCwDB.
But in the end, is there anything more mock worthy than Uberbro Uberfaux and tasty Pear Chomp?
While that was a hypothetical textual inquiry, you are still allowed to verbally say “no” in response.
Chalk ’em up, Dano. And the DB1 for ‘Puffs.
Google Targets the "Epic Bro" Market
Tristan Smith is an Epic Bro.
Comment of the Week: Champagne Katie
While she didn’t gain entrance into our hallowed Hall of Hott, Champagne Katie did win something out here. The Comment of the Week:
—–
Lol!!!!!!:D! Thanks for the good and bad comments, I love you all!!!:* if you like me or not it doesn’t matter:) at the end all that matters to me is those who care about me… Nancy thank you:) your awesome!!! And I’m sure you all are amazing as well!!!
——
Yes. We are all amazing.
Unfortunately, too many ‘bag hunters protested Bleethdom as a disqualifying factor. And while I probably would’ve voted yea for the initial pics alone, ‘twats not to be.
Up next week… Tiny Dancer Maria?
Friday Thoughts and Links
Clown Joseph mugs the barely legals.
And somewhere, in the afterlife, 2-Pac and Biggie reflect on their contributions to hiphop culture and realize the whole thing was a marketing sham and a creative fraud.
But at least it’s Friday, she said, as Carolyn gives me the hallowed Mayan Eye of Coitus and my nethers twitch like caffeinated grasshoppers.
And I agreed.
Here’s your links:
Your HCwDB Book Pick of the Week is also the first OWSer: “I would prefer not to.”
In Orlando, a girl with no hands was barred from rides at Sea World. Her name? Katie Champagne. It’s a sign. Not a hand sign though.
Nice to see my fellow Jews representin’ on political issues. Now if I could only get Mila Kunis to spank me with a Torah.
No matter your political persuasion, democratic and republican ‘bag hunters alike should agree that John Boehner is a huge douchebag.
Reader lilfartknocker69 is shocked to discover ‘Bag Balm at his local Rite Aid. Sorry mass-marketing companies, but nothing soothes the rash of toxic pudlery.
Giorgio Loves Sonic. Giorgio gets a hearty nottadouche and goinpeace.
We all know that the Unholy Grieco is the Source Douche for the modern ‘bag plague. But let us not forget that WKRP’s Bailey Quarters set the template for the modern Boobie Hottie Suckle Thigh Librarian Hott. Not Semitic Hott, like my usual preference, but I’ll take it.
The Holy Football Tebus likes to suckle.
But enough about the Holy Tebus. Lets get to the pear:
For buried within its curves lies Archimedes formula for moving the world.
Aquabag Mugging Jeannie Represents Explosive Diarrhea In the Face of Society
Apologies for the graphic title, but this pic deserves a graphic title.
Man, my soul hurts. This has been a depressing week in the fight over douchebaggery in presence of hott. Feels like our post Jersey Shore reality is giving way to a resurgence in things like nuclear douchegoggles and hottie headlocks.
Time for a Mr. Pibb over ice for consolation and quiet meditation.
