Pop Quiz
Pop quiz time, kids!
Party Girl Michelle is pointing at:
A. Her bestie, Kayla, who is totally, like, Woo!!!
B. The only pattern in the room not shaped like a doily puking up an ink blot.
C. The head of Alfredo Garcia.
D. The last shred of her dignity being munched on by a wayward cockroach.
EDIT: Whoops, had a premature publication last night. Carry on…
The Wrong Kind of Boob Reveal
What you looking at, brgho? Consuelo kick yu-arr ass, brgho. Consuelo also lika de rouggggeee. But dat not maka him gay!
Ambiguously Persian Semitic Hott Naomi offers the sneaky real world sphincter tickle of oblique erotic trauma.
Buckles Jones and Miriam Von Bleeth Are a Vortex of Culture Suck
Okay okay, before the “I thought this site was called HOT CHICKS with douchebags?” comments start appearing, chillax.
This pic was too douchey not to mock. I mean fer chrissakes, if some corner of the internet doesn’t mock this steaming collection of Jerry Springer Bowel Movement, then I don’t know what.
If you need a slice of hott, enjoy some Champagne Katie Underwear POV. And then stop yer bitchin’.
Where's actor Jay Baruchel?
Somewhere in this loud mess of douchewank, choadsmell, herpster irony, and boobies that know not for whom they sin, I’ve carefully hiddenJay Baruchel.
Look closely. Can you marvel at his unlikely career?
Reader Mail: Lena's Cry For Help from Fratland
Lena writes in with a Fratbrosephus self-tag:
——
Subject: help
rescue me please!
——
I’d like to help, Lena, I really would, as you are tasty blonde perky spank. But there’s just too many Fratbags making references to Dane Cook and Bud Light Lime jello shots to counter without a firehose and a large polo mallet.
Gozer The Fondler
Gozer the Fondler!
He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms.
During the rectification of the Ed Hardy, the traveler came as a large and moving Choad!
Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant meatwank!
Many Herpster Librarian Hotts knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the club that day, I can tell you!
Loompus Loompa
Loompis Loompa, do-ba-dee-doo,
Smells like a steaming pile of poo.
Loompis Loompa, do-ba-dee-dee,
Hits on the barely legal Eurohotties.
What do you get when you look like a fruit?
Bronzing as much as a Kardashian coot.
What are you at when you’re getting so ‘range?
It’s realy really very strange…
I don’t like the look of your douchey orange mug,
Loompis Loompa do-ba-dee-da,
You’re really creepy and the DB1 can’t rhyme ba-dee-do.
So shove off because your face is scaring small woodland creatures,
Like the Loompis Loompa do-ba-dee-doo.
Do-ba-dee-doo!
And… scene.
See no Douchey, Hear no Douchey, Smell no Douchey
The Wank Fondle Brothers have synchronized hand gestures like Jagger.
The Platinum Woo Hotts of Kappa Kappa Thigh Rub are pretty sure Ted is not really related to Justin Bieber, but they would like another round of lemon drops anyway. Woo!!! Please.
Uncle Hardy Approves of the HCwDB of the Week
Frankly, Uncle Hardy’s just glad to get out of the house now that the ankle-monitor’s been removed.
Paid-to-Pose Katrina has six credits to go on her nursing degree. So don’t blame her for the simmering rage she displays at her lot in life. For Uncle Hardy smells like burned wood chips and tapioca.
HCwDB of the Week: Blender Barry and Boobster Connie
Last week saw a lotta crud.
There was EuroTimmy gets Lucky. There was the most garish Jesus Bling since Judas Iscariot threw out that bloody rag. There was squirrel vomit, choads at underwear parties and choads at underwear parties. And there was CokeBag.
We even had Champagne Katie gnaw.
But it was last week’s Blender of Societal Turd that offered the greatest dialectic. Those douchelips alone are enough to warrant significant societal mock. Toss in Boobster Connie’s confusing mix of librarian herpster stripper boobage, and the image was toxic enough to win/lose the HCwDB of the Week.
Oh, and congrats to the winner of the HCwDB Draft Street game, jrock6, followed by Notorious, dry99, bgriff32, and chitownhustler. Your humble narrator came in 10th.
Lots of great pics sent in to me over the weekend, so HCwDB is well stocked for a quality week of mock. But for now, your humble narrator gnaws an under-microwaved Pop Tart.
