Grover McPocalypse Attacks!!
Somewhere…
… underneath a patchouli smelling sleeping bag on the outskirts of the Coachella Music Festival….
… a hipsterbag and a hippiebag mutate and morph into a singly unholy creature…
it is…
Grover McPocalypse!!…
… a Phish listening Bennington graduating sunflower seed spitting douchewank able to Bleeth unsuspecting Sarah Lawrence majors with a single game of Ultimate Frisbee!!
Uhm, yeah. I need a coffee.
Reader Mail: Dr. Douchebag
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A spurned and angry Heather writes in with a Floridian douche tag on her ex-boyfriend, Dr. Douchebag:
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This is ——- aka Dr. Douchbag.
This scrote was a University of Miami Dermatology resident that got a job at Pinski Dermatology in Chicago and scrotishly broke up with me after one year of dating thinking he can do better than a nice hot girl like me and broke up with me to pursue his dreams of being a douchebag version of Dr. 90210 in Chicago.
It would mean the world to me if you posted him on your site, it would only serve him justice so others would agree with me he is a huge douchbag and douchy looking with saggy man breasts and messed up teeth that should have been glad to have had a girl that loved him like I did.
I would appreciate you willing to put this up to expose his Miami/Chicago/I think I am a cosmetic guru and love filling women’s faces with Botox because that is as close as he will get to hot women again self…
You guys are the best and I love your site.
Look up his place of business if you want. It is called Pinskiderm.
they are the #1 distributor of Botox in the entire Midwest… making him extremely douchy and worthy of your website since you expose douchebags of all shapes and sizes.
Feel free to include first and last names, I don’t mind.
Looking forward to seeing a post.
Happy new year & take care!
– Heather
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The “Dr. Oz” type of shallow psuedo-intellectual paternalistic “doctor” technique is absolutely a variant of the ‘bag virus. And while your email suggests personal bias, Heather, which may overwhelm the douche-tag’s logic system, I’m pleased to see the proper use of terms like scrote, if not myriad, in your ‘bagicide letter.
Gangsta Herpsters Be Rollin', Yo
Ironic t-shirt printed bling echoing like a Baudrillardian ping pong ball filled with helium and blue paint.
Awkward Guy Wearing T-Shirt of a Hot Chick Standing Next to Hot Chicks
Don’t be that guy.
And yes, the title sentence of this post is gramatically ambiguous about whether the guy is standing next to hot chicks, or whether his t-shirt has a picture of a hot chick standing next to hot chicks. I blame my junior high school.
Caption This Pic
Biff was certain “Cow” had two “o”s in it, but Angie’s angry gum snaps told him otherwise.
America's Got Talent
Tina got more licks than Eddie Van Halen after huffing a paper bag of hydrocooked No-Dose.
Johnny Bro Tans Ashley Pear
Johnny Bro got the moves like Jagger.
Marty Jagger. An 84 year old retired mailman living in Sherman, Ohio.
Ashley Pear offers curves of sweet nectar juices of orgiastic pre-Christian God phantasms. Her upper thigh area plays harmonic lute symphonies in the key of D minor. The saddest key.
Terry the Tongue Time Travels To 2012
It’s like a suburban frat tool from late 2008 stepped into the Tardis, fiddled with the controls, then ended up tongue licking a Companion while alternate reality Nero learned to play the viola rather than the fiddle.
Yup. I’m still making no sense today.
And before Ophelia is dismissed for lack of hotchickery, let me not be the first to say British chicks make up for in politeness what they lack in everything else.
Poor Brits. No wonder Downton Abbey gets the pheromones flooding.
