Reader Mail: Mike and Mandy From High School
Reader Jeff writes in with a hypothetical update on everyone’s high school power couple gone tragically wrong:
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In case you were wondering what happened to Mike and Mandy from High School…
Mandy finally decided on that boob job, and Mike decided to become a homicidal maniac.
They are very happy, and running a karaoke business in Lawrence, KS.
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Even homicidal maniacs gotta eat.
Marty Trainwreck
When the chin pubes match the douche beads, it’s time for Veruca to call herself a cab.
Jose Canseco Worships the Buddhas
Legendary steroidal basebag, the odious Cancesobag, is all spiritual n’ stuff. He wanted you to know that.
Speaking of inflated stats, those boobs are also apparently playing in the steroid era.
Tony Zebra Lives in Long Island and is Orange
Where chestshave and orangeness still impress the Persian Giggle Kellys of the world.
But the ecotone grows more fragile, Tony Z. And by ecotone, I mean the hidden poisons at work in bottles of Z-Tan.
Somewhere at a Midwestern State School, Kappa Zeta Tao Is Missing Its Village Idiots
Billy and Willy say “Yo!” to Drunk Kathy in stupid falsetto.
Kathy thanks them for her Appletini and goes back to her Besties in short order.
Fratpud Juan Can’t Believe His Luck
It’s like winning the Tiny Dancer bar lottery for Fratpud Juan, a mere stage-1 pudling who is in way over his head (and 10DHT).
For Tiny Dancer Maria offers the compact curvature of hall of hott teeth melting sucklethigh.
All that is right in a chaotic universe of inchoate chocolate.
Troy Jaggofsky Attends a Party
Where Troy Jaggofsky demonstrates true upper eschelon puddliness. By conceptually fish filleting Wendy’s soul with Herpster-Douche hybridity of Mandana + Hipster Hat.
Then again, Wendy probably never should’ve left Hibbing Minnesota, neither. Lets move on.
Dusty Tells the Ancient Sumerian Aliens Where to Land on his Shoulders
Or, as M. Night Shyamalan once called them, “Crap Circles.”
Mindy perfects flexible back arch that inspires men to take yoga classes and pretend they’ve read Deepak Chopra.
