Straight Outta Bridgeport
Dawg!! Lets hit up the 7-11 and get some 5 Hour Energy shots and mix it with, like, some Mountain Dew, yo, and then go to Caleb’s house, cuz like I hear his moms is out of town, and we can play, like, Wii for like six hours straight, Dawg!!
Ask DB1: The Tex/Mex ‘Bag
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Dear db1,
I am a longtime lurker of the site (since 2007) and noticed here in Fresno, California a species of douche which I don’t think has yet been covered on the site.
I am not sure how to describe them, but essentially they are a mix of 50% Mexican cowboy style and 50% traditional douche styling.
I unfortunately do not have any photographs but I have no doubt that you could find some. Maybe check in to it.
Sincerely,
Nick
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I don’t have any pics of that subspecies, Nick, but good call.
I do, however, have a pick of Sexy Pooch Belly Patricia commingling with Elvis Dingleberry.
Heterosexual Bob Wears Mesh To the Pool
Between the mesh doily outerwear and the “F*** Me I’m Famous” hat, State School Kathie knows that she’s in the presence of greatness.
At least until Monday morning.
Because those flapjacks won’t flip themselves onto the Rutti Tutti Fresh and Frutty breakfast plate without able bodied assistance.
Still, the lack of garish tattoos on this couple is laudatory, but also startling and frightening.
What alternate universe time vortex did I pee into?
The Three Mogos Squash Georgia Kelly
Yes.
That appears to be a tattoo of a six pound watch on Bob Mogo.
Georgia Kelly giggles softly.
But secretly wonders how much longer until her brother Frankie gets back from the bathroom, so she can get that ride to her pilates class like he promised.
Caption This Pic
The Tralfamadorians blinked their single eyes in deep meditative repose as they stared in wonderment and confusion at their latest exhibit, “Mating Calls of Southern Jersey.”
Reader Mail: Sara Submits a Followup Bagtag
Sara writes in with an update:
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Subject: No twin, still a douche
My friend shared the link to this douche’s debut with his twin on your site over 3 years ago.
He was recently back in town flying solo. This photo goes to show his douchery is truly genetic. You can’t teach a pose like this…
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Lets skip over the generibag and talk about your friends, Sara. Perhaps this is forward of me, but perchance you and your besties are willing to share with me a ritual purging in a collective chocolate sauce sauna with portable shakeweights installed in rhythmic intervals ? I pooch all your friends on their thighs, and then whimper for a cookie in an abandoned laundromat on Avenue C.
Ever Get the Feeling the Universe Has Indigestion?
Yeah, me too.
Jenny Smiles took a wrong turn at Albuquerque and ended up at a Herpster convention. And now everyone has tiny plastic cups.
Sandy Continues to Choose Poorly
Speaking of Hott Sandy, seen previously with classic HCwDB uberlegend, The Crustacean, here she is posing with her bestie, Kelly, and Standard Douchpuck, Johnny Dumguy.
Making the exact same head tilt for the pic.
Note to ladies: I know you’ve worked on the perfect camera angle for months in the bathroom mirror, but when all your Facebook pics look exactly the same, your hottness is mitigated by a crepy Xeroxian mimetic echo of reproductive unoriginality. Thus, your essence is lost. And Walter Benjamin is not amused.
