Suburban Gangsta Joe is Totally Gangsta
Little known fact about throwing gang signs in outer Long Island when surrounded by loving friends and family: It makes you a douchescrote.
Wait.
That’s actually a well known fact.
I’d also like to welcome the long time fans of HCwDB over at Girls Gone Wild who just bought an ad to help keep the site going. Show them some love. They’ve come a long way since whassisface left.
Nice Guy Chuck Wins at the Game of Life
Even with the barely pubescent ‘stache, Nice Guy Chick Wins.
His prize?
Sclutsy Sophia.
What’s “Sclutsy” you ask? Sclutsy, a word I just made up, is when slutty and classy cohabit to form eternal loin want.
Enter that one in Urban Dictionary.
Either that, or Officer Sclutsy was the chief villain in West Side Story. I can’t remember which.
Miserable Hal
You might think partying with sexy cuddle blondes on a Tuesday would inspire at least some human emotion in a sentient human being.
A smile.
A glimmer of recognition of the conscious state of living.
You’d be wrong.
Miserable Hal don’t play conscious states of emotional inner life.
Miserable Hal got no time for that. No matter how many hotties are provided. To paraphrase Zeppelin, the thong remains the same.
Old Guy Greg
Old Guy Greg is half way there.
Old Guy Greg is livin’ on a prayer.
No, literally.
He worked at the studio when they recorded that song. As the old guy.
And to think, just last year Awkward Hott Kelly and the Barely Legal Sisters actually worked at the Legal Seafood in Chestnut Hill.
Ironic, given the then-illegality of their haddock.
You thought I was gonna say clams.
Haddock.
Douche 2.0: The Herpster
Lets hear it for the herpsters!
For without their farm-to-table Movember asswankery, sweet cupcakes like Marissa might be forced to date someone who doesn’t cheat on her at Burning Man.
As Rashi once said, you can’t spell artisanal without anal.
Some Guy With Glasses Boobs
Large sunglasses.
The tool by which those who cannot face the truth of their dearth of spiritual depth are able to hide in plain sight.
Too depressing for a Monday?
Don’t make me post the Zapped fart again.
No universe is totally devoid of meaning if it contains a Willie Aames.
Riddle Me This!…
What has red hair, looks like the 1980s coughed up a hair metal ball, and hangs with Elvira’s less famous cousin, Dwarfvira?
Tune in next week!
Same butt time!…
Same butt channel!…
Butt.
Instead of bat.
You get it.
Mike Has Phantom Breasts
Princess Nicole’s, however, are very real.
Real in the tactile sense, of course. I’m not reaching conclusive forensics on whether said mamalians conform to the genetic blueprint as originally determined. I leave that to far better scholars and scientists than I.
Fratbag or Clever College Performance Artist?
So some college bro’s self-aware ironic Vines are now sweeping the internets, and I’m on the fence about this guy.
Fratbag by another name? Or a dude who’s mastered the joy of being an idiot in college?
Okay, I’ll probably have to go nottabag and give the guy props. There’s some quality creativity in there.
