Friday Thoughts and Links
Where’s Timmyspike?…
There’s Timmyspike!!
And by Timmyspike, I mean forget Timmyspike, lets focus on that Superman alcoholic taut suckle thigh and Lex Luthor handcuffs.
I’ll take Groin Accoutrements in the center square for the win, Whoopi.
Yup.
Another Friday in the ole’ DB1 household. The cheap consumption of Thunderbird and HoHos has given way to the exhaustion of a little poop maker. And by little poop maker, I mean my butt. Okay no. I mean my kid.
Now I drink for a different reason. To remember longingly the days I used to drink simply to forget. Babypoo’ll do that to an individual.
But all is well in the DB1 household.
Here’s your links:
Your HCwDB Buy Some Shit After Clicking on This Link to Support the Site Link of the Week: “Nothing up my sleeve… and David Blaine is for suckas.”
Hard to believe in the year 2013 there are still giant vortexes of pimple suck wasting oxygen on this plane.
Google is hard at work patenting an electronic throat tattoo. Yup. Time to nuke Peoria.
Donkey Douche loses the hat tilt.
Yet more news from the con game that is online dating.
From Austin, Texas, meet… The Douchewaiter.
Okay, enough of that real world crap. Have some
Insert cream and sugar joke. Oh wait, I just did.
Friday Haiku
“That was TERRIBLE!
What do you call your stage act?!?”
“THE ARISTOCRATS!!!”
What Prompted her Tat?
Herpes Test is positive
Hence her evil clit
— THEONETRUEDOUCHE
Fruit salad reveal
And back of the thighs tattoos
Can’t distract from Douche
— Doucheywallnuts
I bet evil clit
means she’s packing a sausage
tuck in that short skirt
— Magnum Douche P. I.
Her Finishing Move
Backwards Headshot Clit Hammer
Flawless Victory
— Douche Wayne
Trish saw no problem
with adding more infections
in between her legs.
— Douche Wayne
Christmas is coming
Stan and Jill practice their new
Ballet, ‘Slutcracker’
— saulgoode42
Trish’s new tatt will
be all the talk around the
trailer park this week
— Magnum Douche P. I.
Writing with faeces is
A misunderstood artform
Except for monkeys.
— The Reverend Chad Kroeger
Stinky Thumbs McGhee
And Evil Clit agree that
Meth’s helluva drug!
— Capt. James T. Douche
Clit has been Evil
since the gyroscope was put
in her monkey hole.
— Douche Wayne
I would hate to hear
What she calls her butthole if
Her clit is evil.
— Capt. James T. Douche
Colonel Wallnuts sprays
graffiti to wage peace/war.
Tats, self-inflicted.
— Charles Douchewin
********************
The Masked Hairchoad
Well this is a first.
Of all the hottie/douchey club pics I’ve evaluated over all the years this site has existed, ne’er has I seen a choad blind himself with his lady’s hair.
So ya got that going for ya, Chet.
Now where’s my package of HoHos? The baby is asleep. Time to gorge on tasty chemical product.
The Star Spangled Booty
Oh, say can you see?
by the club’s early light,
What so proudly we fistpumped,
at the twilight’s last raving?
Whose butt stripes and butt stars,
thru the perilous tights,
O’er the spandex we watched,
were so gallantly jiggling?
And the booty’s red glare,
the douchebags with their hair,
Gave proof through the night,
that our buttfondle was still there.
Oh, say does that glute-spangled booty yet smear like a bagel with lox,
O’er the land of the douchey and the home of the something that rhymes with wave but describes douchey Vegas club culture?
Thank you… thank you… no thank YOU…
I’ll be in my trailer.
Where's Tatthole?
Okay, kids, time to play the game that’s sweeping the internets… Where’s Tatthole?
Somewhere in this pic of Standard Vegasian doucheclownery and Sexy Bikini Gigglepacks of Bobblefondles I’ve carefully hidden an arm waving bodyspray huffing all-American Tatthole.
Look closely, kids!
Can you find him?
Adventures in Las Vegas on a Tuesday
It’s like watching a soulless ritual performed by numbed zombies in tribute to a god that never was.
Che Douchevarra, aka Mickey Mau5, Wears a Tie
HCwDB’s own vortex of suck, Che Douchevarra, aka Mickey Mau5, is on to bigger and better things.
Dropping that youthful Marxist idealism to enter the corporate world.
And by corporate world, Che Douchevarra is now the stockboy at a local Hooters. Where he, in the parlance of the kids, makes the proverbial mad Benjamins.
Voluptuous Judy, while quite attractive in a unique sort of way, looks a little too uncannily like a young Malcolm McDowell. But what the hey, I always loved A Clockwork Orange. So I’ll give her thigh an ostrich feather poke, and then repose with a nice Chianti.
Boris and Vladimir Find a New Method to Water Their Plant
It’s called boobwater. Boris’s cousin, Mikael, knows a guy who knows a guy who can totally market this on late night TV. They’re gonna be rich, I tells you! Rich!
Meanwhile, Trixi wandered in from a 1-900 cable access commercial and just needs to use the bathroom.
At least that’s hows I sees it.
Caption This Pic
“Surf n’ turf? More like Surf n’ ass!! Ha! ahaha!!.. Amirite, Chazz? Amirite, Brad?… C’mon bros, fist pound me…. Bros… don’t leave me hangin’… Bros. Not cool.”
Reader Mail: Internet Dating Produces HCwDB
Jeff writes in asking for some well deserved scorn be thrown towards dating site Zoosk:
—————-
From: Jeff
Subject: Zoosk “Success” Stories
I found these on the Zoosk site on a page supposedly showing off their “success” stories. I think Zoosk is run by a horde of wankers. The page on the site about how to apply for a job actually suggests that applicants shower and brush their teeth before their interview. Makes you wonder what sort of losers were applying for jobs that made them post that request.
—————–
Alls I know is I’mma start a new dating site called “Horde of Wankers.” Going for the honest angle. Like if Christian Mingle cut the euphemisms and just said “No Jews.” Or JDate said “no men who are not doctors or lawyers will be gettin in these hot Semitic panties.”
I met HC1 the old fashioned way. I pined for her hot Jewess ass for six years while she dated a litany of choads. And then I got a show on MTV and she married me and popped out a little one.
That’s the way I roll.
