Reader Mail: Aussie Bleeths
Douchesdownunder submits this reminder that we must also mock female douchebaggery when we find it:
———
DB1.
The female douche! We must tell the people, they spread like wildfire, co-inhabiting a food court at a mall near you now. They steal your seat, your park and your good nature. Good white girls gone bad, this one’s from the Central Coast of NSW Australia.
– Douchesdownunder
——–
Point well taken, DDU. I find myself rather cross when the Bleeths steal my good nature. And by good nature, I mean credit card number.
Hawk Assholio Lights Melanie's Candle
Melanie’s older sister, Joan, felt a sudden surge of regret as she realized that they should’ve vacationed in Niagara Falls instead.
Hawk Assholio felt a surge as well.
But it was probably just his custom pocket rocket.
Vinnie Cappadicci Purchases a Blue Watch
Angie Cappaducco is impressed.
The waiter scratches his nads.
A fly buzzes against a windowsill.
The second hand ticks.
And a planet hurtles towards the abyss.
Too depressing for a Monday morning? Take it up with complaints.
Melvin Wins at the Game of Life
Massholes.
They rule the world.
And the annoy the world, too.
Your Saturday Boatbaggery
Amazing how some images reveal so little actual hottie/douchey atrocity, yet you can smell the bodyspray and post-coital bro-texting like a pungent odor gremlin haunting the collective unconscious.
Friday Thoughts and Links
Oh, Mongor.
How you drift languidly through your vapid, meaningles life like a somnambulant Skeksi.
Oh sure, there are moments when a shaft of illustrative consciousness strikes through the dark, primal mold of your conscious being. Every so often, your limited grunting is beset by a paroxysm of clarity. A flash. A sliver. A thought you can barely articulate.
How do we make sense of this inordinately complex world in which we are given the grace to occupy for a few short decades? How do we seek higher meaning while distracted by the everyday mundanities of preserving the body over the nourishment of the mind?
But then the server comes by.
And the DJ drops the bass.
And it’s time to Woo! into the abyss once again.
Here’s your links:
Your HCwDB Buy Some Shit on Amazon and Support the Site Link of the Week: “If all pleasure is relief from tension, junk affords relief from the whole life process, in disconnecting the hypothalamus, which is the center of psychic energy and libido.”
Terry Richardson is not edgy. He is what I like to call the Anal Wart Photochoad.
Speaking of photos, 30 amazingly moving photos. It’s a big world out there, kids. Do not look at these pictures lightly.
Ever feel like society is slipping into a dystopian sci-fi novel? I give you: Child MMA.
Lorde continues to challenge the generic pop-star paradigm. There may be hope for pop music yet.
Yeesh. I will never complain about the New York subways again.
Okay kids! Lets play around round of Brooklyn or Silverlake!
Understand the bodybuilding fake tan using this carefully calibrated venn diagram.
Okay. Here’s ya go:
For the real world smush glass inside all of us.
Friday Haiku
Posing with trophies
Of foxes and cougars, it’s
The Great White Humpers
Don’t click to enlarge
Ren-and-Stimpy-like details
are horrifying
— Charles Douchewin
In the jungle, the
Mighty jungle, the lion
wants to run away
— The Dude
Ivory renoB
Photo Bombs team photo of
Douche/Bleeth convention
— DoucheyWallnuts
Ivory’s been scarce
since the gyroscope was put
in her cheetah hole.
— Douche Wayne
Large areola
Is the size of a pizza
And it oozes cheese
— DoucheyWallnuts
She hides under rocks
Since the gyroscope was put
In her Monkey Hole.
— The Reverend Chad Kroeger
It’s a little known fact
that elephants stampede when
they smell ignorance.
— Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche
Group later eaten
by cannibals. Tasted like
Axe and Vagisil
— Magnum Douche P.I.
Boner photobomb
leaves Geno pissed, hotts wet, Drew
sexily confused
— Morbo
Sometimes a Corndog is Just a Corndog
And other times it’s a substitute peen.
In a related story, my new website, “Skanky Hot Chicks Drinking YooHoo” plans to launch in early 2014.
