Friday Thoughts and Links
When the Armenian Eyebrows of Mediocrity score Punkrocker Hottie Kaylie, you know it’s Friday.
Your humb narrs was up all night with a two month old who just got her shots. But when you got a cutie that looks all cute, you don’t sweat the small stuff.
And yes, it’s hard to oggle the hotties now that I’m the father of a little girl. I can feel the karmic winds of justice building knowing that some little two month old boy out there in the mists will slowly grow into a scrotal fratpud over the next twenty years, and then show up on my doorstep in 2033 with whatever postapocalyptic douche gear is in style. And say, “Is BC1 home?”
Payback is a bitch.
Woe is my future.
Here’s your links:
Your HCwDB Buy Some Shit and Support the Site Link of the Week: Got a kid? Booo!!!
And while you’re at it, if you live in the greater Portland area and aren’t a granola crunching anti-establishment asswank, check out the great Baron Von Goolo’s Frighttown!!. It just opened and will be, as always, the beating heart of the vampiric soul.
The Hand of the Collective Unconscious strikes again.
You may be clouds, but you are no Pumpy.
Darksock enjoys a Horse lime.
Remember six pound douchewatches? Get ready for Six Pound Smart Douchewatches. In Philadelphia? It’s worth fifty dollars.
The new bodywash? Groinwash.
The performance that got Elvis Costello banned from Saturday Night Live, proving that Lorne Michaels was a tool even back in the 1970s. I wonder what SNL would be like today if it was still on the air.
Okay, nuff of all that. How about some:
Real World Bubblegumpear
Not enough?
Like a hearty meaty meat fireplace of soothing mellow.
Friday Haiku
Larry and Gary
Made sex tapes with their girlfriends.
Y’all did it all wrong…
I wish government
Shutdown closed places like this
And killed these people
— DoucheyWallnuts
Penis magic show
Goes horribly wrong when they
Reveal what is taped
— Capt. James T. Douche
Before sending prey to
Carousel. The girls tease the reds
With booby action.
— The Reverend Chad Kroeger
I’ll bet 10 bucks these
douches are clueless about
Wendy O. Williams.
— Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche
Milkman convention’s
most popular seminar.
Handling milk jugs.
— Magnum Douche P. I.
This Douche/Bleeth round up
Drunken Vegas Rorschach test
I see seven boobs
— Vin Douchal
I see two fake boobs.
Aside from that, those girls have
Silicone titties.
— Jacques Doucheteau
Meat curtains get stretched
When tape clothing is removed
Enough to make tent
— DoucheyWallnuts
The tape gets removed
And silicone funbags fall.
Put the tape back on!
— The Dude
The Urban Cowboy Remake
Man, is there any movie that Tyler Perry can’t screw up?
Che Douchevara
One of the central components of ‘Bag Culture is the cooption of the authentic in service of the market economy.
Postmodern images shorn of the originary context and employed in service of ironic bottle-service distancing leads only to primordial cries of “Woo!” that reject the very premise of language as a tool of liberation.
And so we see Che.
Revolutionary Che.
In the dance club.
And so it goes in the neo-neo-Marxian dance floor circus. Po-tee-weet.
Where's Waldo?: Vegas Edition
Somewhere in this pic of Borderline Chet and Body By Mandy, I’ve carefully hiden a Vegasian Waldo.
Look closely.
Can you buy him a Bud Light Lime?
Iron 'Bag
PIC DELETED
Man, these Hollywood sequels are getting douchier and douchier.
MC Generipud Has No Time For Pear
For MC Generipud has work to do.
He must press the “play” button on a big stereo system with a play button.
And then wave his arms. Like he just don’t care.
And make $30,000 a gig.
Because Generation Stupid thinks pushing play is like a concert, yo. Especially if there’s Pear.
Too bitter for a Wednesday morning?
Well we can always laugh at this guy.
Billy's Bar Tag
Billy the Bartender writes in with an important point:
———–
From: Billy
Subject: Douchebag Regulars
these guys are regulars at the bar i manage, big time pricks that think they really are VIP even though they all pitch in to buy ONE BOTTLE!!!
————
It’s like renting a limo. If it makes nine high school kids feel special for coughing up 30 bucks each, then so be it.
That being said, these doucheflush are particularly egregious (although the ladies have a nice suburban party woo hottie vibe, lookin’ at you, Sister of That Chick in The Brown Bunny who Fellated That Vincent Gallo Guy). May you spit in their couscous.
Benzino Carries On
Governments open and governments close.
Douchebags come and douchebags go.
Hot chicks woo party and hot chicks marry/divorce into suburban malaise.
But the true legends carry on and on until their grease tatts and scrotal sack can partake no more of the sweet nectar of pretend immortality via hot chick impressing credit-card living.
Benzino is just such a douchal aspirant.
And by aspirant, I mean clogged mucus membranes.
Bottle Blonde Blue is glorious in her enhanced unreality. Her particibles make my weepie weep for nethers of unfondle.
