Friday Haiku
Yeah, he lifts “muscles”;
“Bro, do you even pull it”?
Fans of Muscle Milk…
Ultra-size Shake Weight™
used in training for Garrett’s
pud wack marathon
— Jacques Doucheteau
Should’nt the sign say:
MuscleBag? There is not much
Honesty these days.
— Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt
Charles Atlas’ great niece
kicks sand in pud’s face all day
long. And he likes it.
— UFO Destroyers
Fake weight, fake boobies
The only thing real in this
pic is the despair
— Magnum Douche P. I.
World Championship
Hawaiian muscle fu**ing
Win a pearl necklace
— Dude McCrudeshoes
She leaks Olestra
Since the gyroscope was put
In her Monkey Hole
— The Reverend Chad Kroeger
She has more muscles
in her abs than he has in
his entire body.
— Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche
More than one dumbbell
Is in this picture. That one
Was way too easy…
— DoucheyWallnuts
Future Janitors of America Unite!
I take it back. Janitors are good people.
DJ Colonic offers the zombie stare of the spirtually deadened. Not to mention that the tatts he got in Vegas are actually tatts of Vegas, a Rubegoldbergian paradoxical Escher conundrum that not even Sartre can exit from.
Clarissa’s coy, pensive smile suggests she is on break and in over her head. Sadly, Clarissa, there’s little help at the bottom of that bucket of Bud Light Limes.
Just an ugly hangover amidst a rumpled room at the Venetian.
And a sneaky burning covert form of crotch itch that chlorinated pools only exacerbate. As you’ll learn the hard way.
Vinnie Sphincter Is In Bidness, Yo
Yo! He got mad business props, yo!
Like, took one of them online classes, you know what he’s sayin’? One of them mad bidness classes! Like at DeVry or maybe U. of Phoenix, it don’t matter to Vinnie Sphincter. All that matters is he took that class yo, and it was tight!
Like skies openin up and rainin’ money n’ shit!
And now Vinnie’s all makin’ mad cash and snaggin’ Sexy Belinda, and hustlin’ and, you know, doin’ what it takes to get shit done!
Don’t ask questions, son! Vinnie Sphincter don’t have to explain nuthin’ to ya!
If ya got the goods you don’t gotta answer to know one is all he’s sayin’.
What’s that?
His cell phone just got cut off?
Don’t be mad hatin’, yo.
It’s all part of the plan.
And then, in Germany, this happened.
Worst. Post-Holocaust. Germanic Atrocity. Ever.
Well. Other than this guy.
Poodles.
Guy Who Makes Puking Faces for Pictures Guy
While we celebrate some collective mock for Guy Who Makes Puking Faces for Pictures Guy (and everyone knows one), I’mma mull putting the purity suckle quality booble fondle of Cuddle Perfect Suckle Lisa in the hallowed Hall of Hott.
Yet more evidence: Cuddle Perfect Suckle Lisa’s HCwDB cohabit with Beachbag Dave.
Not that Milfy Mom Carol ain’t worth not shaking a stick at. Even with her Androgynous Bestie, Burning Sophie.
No idea what I’m saying. Coffee time.
Standard Vegas Shoescrape Says "Wut"
It don’t matter.
Cuddle Perfect Suckle Lisa and her Bestie Blonde Kelly, currently in her collegiate “experimental” phase, are there to comfort me.
The Afflicted Soul of American Dispair
It takes a keen eye but, if you look closely, embedded in this off-the-cuff douchal boob grab lies the coded template for the paralytic craven rot plaguing the existential crisis of American soul.
Either that or some dickhead got a trust fund.
The Douche of Wall Street
HCwDB is pleased to feature a still from the upcoming Roger Corman produced “The Douche of Wall Street.”
You know.
Those low budget ripoffs of famous films that kinda sorta sound like the film and then get rented by moronis who can’t tell the diff.
Like Jurassic Pa- Carnosaur.
The Hemoglobin Says "Wut"
A marked improvement from last week when The Hemoglobin could only grunt and scratch his nethers like an angry rhesus monkey.
Fierce Katie will spend your credit card on martinis and steaks and then demand that you thank her for her time. Which you do. Because you hate yourself.
According to the Kids, "twerk" Means "To Work it"
That would explain the screams.
