Friday Thoughts and Links
Remember, kids.
Douchey sunglasses can always be discarded.
Douchey tatts of 19th Century philosopher/poets on one’s forearm are forever.
Hells, I think the great ‘Sock Week already featured this pic, but whatevs. Don’t cost nuthin’.
So Casa Du Baby continues to be a lot of poo and diapers for your humb narras. But I’m carryin’ on.
The mock may be quieter these days.
But it continues.
Like a fine Romulan Ale, it is both strong and blue.
Here’s your links:
Your HCwDB Please Buy Some Shit To Pay For Site Costs Link of the Week: Chris Hardwick would drink a case of this if he thought it would get a two share for his upcoming live chat show, “Talking CSI: Omaha”
For those who missed it, Corey Feldman’s birthday. Where the party gift bag is a lip virus.
Hot Chicks cash in on YouTube by playing mediocre covers. Boobs.
Bored this weekend? Enjoy this fascinating interview with the reclusive director of Risky Business.
Hollywood. Where even the most talented artists inevitably raise douchey-ass teenage shitwads.
Meet Vodka_Samm. Just don’t buy her a drink.
3D imaging shows the tech behind the art.
If you’ve ever wanted to hear the Beatles’ Abbey Road vocal tracks in isolation, and I know you have, here they is. It’s like One Direction mated with the Backstreet Boys.
13 celebrities posing with old versions of themselves. If you’re bored.
Okay, you earned it:
You’re welcome.
Friday Haiku
It’s now Big Chief’s turn;
Make White Man see strewn trash, cry
Salty Fuccen Tears
It puts the cheap beer
In the basket or it gets
The hose. The spew hose.
***
She don’t do rain dance
Since the gyroscope was put
In her Monkey Hole
— The Reverend Chad Kroeger
This is one War Dance
That makes me ejaculate
Into my loin cloth
— DoucheyWallnuts
The Grieco spirit
Has come, after eating bad
Peyote buttons.
— Capt. James T. Douche
Lost Boys dance party
Tinkerbell let herself go
twerks in Pan’s face. Son.
— Douche Wayne
Now I can see why
Native Americans find
this shit offensive.
— Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche
Semi-employed Ned Unbuttons Tablecloth Shirt, Scores Hottie Jewess Rachel
Semi-Employed Ned likes to mock conformity by wearing a mass produced “Obey” baseball cap with his clone-like adouchrements.
Hottie Jewess Rachel dips apples in honey for Rosh Hashanah. Which is a euphemism for the sex.
Cosplay HCwDB And why Comicon Sucks as Much as Burning Man
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.
“Nerds” are the new douchebags.
There are no subcultures left that aren’t exploited by the popular kids trying to claim the mantle of legitimacy by pretending to have once been ostracized outsiders, or “nerds.”
It’s a fraud. A ruse.
The latest way for the Armies of Seacrest to cash in by pretending they’re anything but rich, privileged, arrogant assmunches.
And if you guessed that my former D&D playing ass is pissed about it, you guessed right.
Joey Travolta's Nightmare
I suppose this could take place in my dreams, Jersey Angie.
A place where Joey Travolta, bastard half-brother of noted toupee wearing Hollywood redundancy, John, explodes in day-glo shirtwear as the soul of Jersey roasts on a spitfire like so many tortured demigods in satanic fury.
Although lately my dreams have tended to veer towards Denny’s bacon ice cream sundaes.
Because that’s what happens when Baby Ruins Libido.
in other news, I just formed an indie punk band called Baby Ruins Libido.
The Kettlehead for Hall of Scrote?
Reader Kevin calls for a quorum vote:
———
How in the hell is kettle not in the hall of douche bag fame, this guy’s douchebag photos are the stuff of legend!
———-
It all began on an inglorious day in 2009 with this atrocity. The Kettlehead, his creepy distended ‘brow, and his propensity to take photographs with assorted hott chicks then went on an HCwDB tear:
The Kettlehead’s Shaved Chest with Dual Hott Action
The Kettlehead Pops Collar, Shaves Chest, and Snags Tasty Tonya
The Kettlehead Goes as Himself for Halloween
The Kettlehead with Tasty Peach Brunette Sylvia
The Kettlehead Pulls a Geraldo
The Kettlehead Creeps on Chiquita Hott
The Kettlehead Goes The Full Khan #1
The Kettlehead Goes the Full Khan #2
And, most recently, The Kettlehead Wears a Tie and Retardo-shirt with Blue Hott Kelly
Back in the Halycon days of HCwDB, a scrote like Kettlehead couldn’t even pull enough douche/hott combos to win the HCwDB of the Week.
But thems were the days when the site got dozens of submissions and your humb narrs didn’t have to do any work around here.
I still don’t do any work around here. But whatevs.
Like a fine wine, or a rotting series of molds and fungi, the Kettlehead just gets douchier with age.
What say you? Hall of Scrote? or nay?
And if you need any additional info before voting, there’s this.
Where's Adventure Time Guy?
This one’s for the cartoon aficionados amongst us.
Somewhere in this captured moment of paid-to-pose stripper/drink-serving hottness and creepster fratwank stalker, I’ve carefully hidden an annoying hipster dressed as a trendy animated character from a show intended for stoned teenagers.
Look closely.
Can you locate his plotless surrealism?
Mokie The Undies-Wearing Twatwaffle Attends a Rooftop Party
And when Mokie The Undies-Wearing Twatwaffle is rewarded with doublepear at said rooftop party, then a cute baby lemur finds its cookies peed uponst by an angry Alpaca sex god.
Kettlehead Says Happy Labor Day!
HCwDB semi-legend Kettlehead has ditched the Kettle atopst his head to simply become… Head.
However, the douchal ‘brow remains in full effect.
As is the power to attract slutty bar hotts named Kelly.
Happy Labor Day to all long time ‘bag hunters! Your humb narrs just celebrated the one-month anniversary of this strange creature who has entered my home and demanded care. Sleep is not to be had.
So priorities have shifted around here.
But douchebags still annoy. Like this unworldly gang of barely pubescent pudwacks.
And with my unwittingly Bleethy protege, Snooki, now firmly ensconced in popular culture on the upcoming Dancing with the Stars, my penance is not yet done.
EDIT: More classic Kettlehead HCwDB here, here, here, and here.
Shady's Back
Like a creepy Japanese prank show, or a rash in the nethers, your humb narrs is back from walkabout.
Updates may be slower these days.
But like an hysterical Japanese office dude who just wanted a sake, the hysteria will continue. Oh yes. It will continue.
