Friday Haiku
One thing about Trish
That I can share with you is
She really loves head.
Wait, which one of the
Village People are you? The
Hydrocephalic?
— Capt. James T. Douche
His Mom’s vagina
Looks like the Holland Tunnel
It’s real big, I says
— DoucheyWallnuts
Jim finds out the hard
way the buffet shrimp cocktail
were cooked in their shells.
— Douche Wayne
Mr. Potato Head
And Chastity Bono go
Wild for Halloween.
— The Reverend Chad Kroeger
Rocky Dennis blows
all Mask film rights cash on goose
at da clubs. Cher weeps.
— Magnum Douche P. I.
It’s OK Jill. All
West Virginian clubs allow
inbred bros as dates.
— Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche
OshKosh B’Gosh are
the new trend this year for those
who get pooped upon
— Jacques Doucheteau
Kenny The Redneck Herpster Says "Yo!" to Tiny Giggle Ashley
Tiny Giggle Ashley’s dad does not approve.
Nor does Tiny Giggle Ashley’s granddad.
Nor does Average Guy Juan, who just wants a tasty Mr. Pibb.
Yankee His Wankee Glares Angrily, Ignores Bubbles
Ironically, one of Yankee His Wankee’s tattoos is the Chinese symbol for “Stupid Vegas Asscrust Who Fails To Notice The Quality of Hotts Standing Nearby Because He’s Busy Looking Hard for a Professional Photographer.” It was first coined in the Ming dynasty.
Incidentally, what’s a bath without Bubbles?
Evil Yellow Sunball Demands Pear Sacrifice
Will no one be able to satisfy the carnal demands of this cruel and twisted demigod??
Anal Pucker of the Apocalypse Meets Granola Sideboob of Pokey Fondle
A little bit more backstory and Marvel’s gonna turn this into their next superhero film.
Summer 2017. Right after Fondlerman vs. The Pud hits the big screen.
When Tribal Tatts Turn Nipples into Screaming Anal Puckers of the Apocalypse
So a Wannabe Maori douchebag*, a Giggle Hott, and Hippie Frank all walk into a bar.
The bartender says, “What is this, some kind of picture on hot chicks with douchebags?”
And… scene.
* If Pablo is a real Maori tribesman, than 90% is forgiven for the tatt. But no shirt in club still = douche.
Wallnuts After Dark: Who Gives a F@&$ About This Royal Baby?
Management apologia: This edition of Wallnuts After Dark should’ve run over the weekend, but I simply didn’t see it. Because I got drunk and downed a sixpack of HoHos while watching DVRd Jeopardy. That Alex Trebeck is a wily minx.
But since the DB1 is about to have his own Jewish Princess, let us celebrate the virgin birth with a lil’ Wallnuts After Dark:
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Madonna Mia! All over the CNN and the TV this week was this story about the kid that prince and princess had over there in England. But as my barber Frankie the Wop says, “Who gives a Fucc?”
I mean this whole Royalty Family thing to me is a scam. After all, they do nothin’ but live off a the money a them Brits that work, and they live like Kings in palaces and castles. And shit. I guess because they is Kings. What kinda tripe is that?
If their last name was “Gambino,” they’d all be sittin’ in jail somewheres wit a Racketeering charge hangin’ over their heads. Things are goin’ in the shitter over there, an yet people is all gaga over these lazy royalty mooks livin’ high on the hog. An over here people are so nuts about these Brittunculi you’d think these cavones is part of somthin’ to do wit us when they ain’t got nothin’ to do wit us. Na mean?
I never could figure out why everyone was so over the moon about that Princess Diane broad who was married to the prince that looks the back side a my balls wit them big ears and a horse face. I mean, I’d hit it, but she weren’t no Connie Stevens. Back side a my balls, I says.
Then there’s that one prince kid a hers who looks like the guy she was bangin’ behind her prince husband’s back, and not like the prince hisself. Yet I ain’t never hear anyone say anything ’bout that, how that one prince is too sharp lookin’ to be the son a that other ugly prince.
An another thing, ain’t these current princes and queens the relatives a other kings and queens an those Sars who ran Russia an Germany, or some fuccen thing? I mean this whole arrangement has got Mob written all over it. A bunch a families get together an divvy up territories an whatnot, and get a piece a the action all over the joint. Sounds like “Our Thing.” Am I right when I say that?
Now this new princess or duckess broad that had the kid, an the press an all a the women is droolin’ all over her. She looks like your run a the mill Stasch that sits around the house all day, gets her nails done and winds up bangin’ the Cabana Boy. Stasch, I says. Take away all a that make up an fancy threads an she’s just another plain Jane.
Again, I’d hit it, but I’m just sayin’.
If this dame was married to some CEO or some hot shit doctor all a everybody would be rippin’ into her for being too uppity an married to someone who is greedy or makes too much money. But for some reason I can’t figger out everyone loves this prince’s wife for doin’ nothin’ other than bein’ a rich princess. She must have a Golden One.
An one last thing. What if this new baby prince kid is a retard? What do they do? I bet if these fancy pants j’drool s had a tart kid they’d lock it up an you’d never see or hear anything about it.
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Freud's Cigar
When Freud forever altered our understandings of the human mind during the intellectual renaissance of fin de siècle Vienna, one of the most important concepts that he introduced was transference.
Transference is how the mind attempts to resolve incongruities produced between the conscious state and subconscious repressed memories of the past.
To resolve this, we project the past onto the present through sublimation. Thus the Freudian slip — the revelation of subconscious transference through accidental substitution of one word with another.
However, not all cigars are penises.
And this guy sucks.
Boobs.
