Benzino Takes a Chips n' Pear Break
It’s not easy being an uberdouche and partying with the slutty hotts on a full time basis.
In fact, it can be downright exhausting.
Ya gotta Bryll Cream your hair.
Grow a sexy Oates ‘stache.
Hang with ladies in short-shorts who like to flip off nearby cameras.
Sometimes it all gets too much for Benzino.
Times like that, Benzino needs a break. A chips n’ pear break.
The Smirkonomous Looks Forward to Seeing "Carlos Danger"
When not posing sexily in Cosby-era Christmas sweaters with delightful Nordic sucklebottoms such as Alica, The Smirkonomous is a big fan of the extended Marvel universe and is looking forward to seeing “Carlos Danger.”
Although The Smirkonomous would have preferred the casting of an action star like Chris Hemsworth over that Weiner guy.
But The Smirkonomous will make do. For The Smirkonomous can’t think too heavily about such things. There are more sexy pose to make.
Breaking: Anthony Weiner To Star in Marvel's Upcoming 2014 Superhero Film "Carlos Danger"
You don’t come to HCwDB for timely news, I get it. But this story is too hilarious not to pass on.
Old crotch-packer friend of internet douchetrolls everywhere and current New York mayoral candidate Anthony Weiner continues to hang out and party in internet sex chat rooms like it’s 1997. Not only that but he hits on the internet ladiez as his alter-ego, Carlos Danger.
Tragically, this story was “broken” by old nemesis of the site, The Dirty. Led by its resident douchenozzle, Nik Ritchie, The Dirty is hoping to get renewed life as a witless husking vortex of party pics and suck.
Someday I’ll publish “Niks” emails to HCwDB begging for links back when it was “Dirty Scottsdale” and he was stealing all his pics from my site. But that’s neither here nor there. To paraphrase Kirk/Spock, Nik Ritchie is, and forever will be, a douche.
In the meantime, commence Weiner/Spitzer jokes like we’re all twelve years old, and carry onward until dawn.
Mister Tony Gets in the Crabsmas Spirit
Who doesn’t fondly recall the Crabmas rituals of youth?
Sitting around by the hearth. Giddy on sugar cookies and rice wine.
Eager to open my Crabsmas presents that had been brought down the chimney by Santa Crotch.
How those warm childhood memories resonate over time. Familial traditions passed down from parent to child like virulent sores in a Burmanese whorehouse.
Far be it for me to criticize Mister Tony and his lady friends for dressing up in celebratory tones to honor the Crabsmas traditions. For these primitive thespians are simply basking the wondrous winter wonderland of bottle service roasting on an an open fire.
When not a creature was stirring. Not even Deadmouse. And the egg nog was spiked with daft spunk.
And Father Crabsmas shouted merrily from each and every rooftop… “Hoe Hoe Hoe!! Merry Crabsmas!!”
And Tiny Timbaland shed his crotches, leapt to his feet, and shouted “Merry Crabsmas to all, and to all a good M. Night Shyamalan!!”
Okay. I get a coffee now.
The Smirkonomous Is Better Than You
The Smirkonmous Knows this.
Because when the Smirkonomous pays for bottle service Ashley giggles and coos like a feral seal.
This confirms the Smirkonomous’s genetic worth and validity to reproduce within the gene pool.
Well, that and his bangin’ Christmas sweater.
Kisseus Vomitorious and Hott Rachel Get Ready for Crabsmas!!
Merry Crabsmas, everyone!!
Merry Crabsmas!!
The Rare 'Bag Poselock
In lo these many years that I have mocked ‘bags with hot chicks, I have never run across this.
So I dub this moncrapestry the ‘Bag Poselocker and micturate on his ancestors.
